Saturday, December 30, 2006
Happy New Year to all of you!
Thursday, December 28, 2006
uh....my heart stopped...laura and i both teary eyed were just in awe. how sweet and precious those words were to me today. it's funny.....when i found out that i was pregnant with ethan i wasn't all that excited.....however, God knew what He was doing to bring me humor, a glance into a new perspective, hope, and alittle bit of me. it's the little things in life i say that keep me going. that little thing will go a long way.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Thursday, December 21, 2006
i love this song.....it's been ringing in my ears since thanksgiving......
what gift will you give Jesus this Christmas? i already know mine....and as hesitant as i am to give it...i know it will change my life.
Monday, December 18, 2006
the other day we were at target and we were wondering if a complete stranger asked her "what's your name"....what she would say---so we decided since the person behind looked nice and sweet to ask her to do this little exercise for us. load and behold she said "brooke".....softly and sweetly.....however, molly and i weren't to softly when we praised her. i think the whole target store heard the rumble!
we are praying about many things w/brooke that i'll mention at a later day.....pray for wisdom and guidance as we venture into new territory w/her.
they will all be out of school come this wednesday. my parents are coming into town....i'm thrilled for them coming. i don't know a thing about cooking "christmas food".....but chili sounds good. nice and easy!
Friday, December 15, 2006
I'm grateful to God that i can share my heart outloud and hopefully encourage others as we all struggle w/ something of some kind.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
brooke has been coughing....i hope she isn't coming down w/ something. she's been doing really well in therapy w/the girls. they are learning the ropes and are doing great.....brooke is too.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
brooke has been been climbing the walls....going from room to room...can't seem to keep her still. now, she is in her bed sleeping....i'm grateful that she enjoys sleeping.
i'm tired tonight too. it's been a hard week for me and i'd love to sleep all day tomorrow.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Prayer doesn't change God...it changes me.
Friday, December 08, 2006
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
as a believer we have the priviledge of meditating on the One who carries us, watches us, and yes...reads our minds. I'm a thinker. i'm not one to jump in and share my opinion....rather, i meditate on it.....and speak my mind. i laugh out loud now b/c i wonder if brooke is doing the same thing.....she's taking everything in and then one day- bamm....she speaks just is what is on her mind.
one thing is for certain. i choose meditation on God's word. Its the only thing that i need...and in doing so He speaks....and sometimes He is quiet. Being in His presense meditating on Him is all i'm required to do....it's when He speaks or whispers a word in my ear or shows me something from the mysteries of Him.....that is a bonus....it's the extra.
i love it when i watch brooke....and bamm....she says something i've never heard her say. she makes me smile.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
we are getting ready for company and get some answers hopefully working w/her behavior plan/education plan.
continue praying that the bad things in her gut will be removed quickly and painlessly.
Monday, November 27, 2006
i'm reminded when my world spins so fast i can't control it....i have a thought that lingers and horrifies me....and then i run full blast in the throne room of God, sit up in lap....because it's normal....because I'm His and He is mine. Peace. Brooke you show me many things that i tend to take for granted.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
EX 21:2 "If you buy a Hebrew servant, he is to serve you for six years. But in the seventh year, he shall go free, without paying anything. 3 If he comes alone, he is to go free alone; but if he has a wife when he comes, she is to go with him. 4 If his master gives him a wife and she bears him sons or daughters, the woman and her children shall belong to her master, and only the man shall go free.
EX 21:5 "But if the servant declares, `I love my master and my wife and children and do not want to go free,' 6 then his master must take him before the judges. He shall take him to the door or the doorpost and pierce his ear with an awl. Then he will be his servant for life.
Lord, take the awl and peirce my ear. I'm your slave and you are my master. I want it no other way.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Friday, November 17, 2006
"Sounds like Brooke is experiencing some negative effects of chelation.
Sometimes the negative effects are due to too rapid of a detox and sometimes the
negative effects are due to the drug itself. Usually a detox reaction occurs
early on in the process. Since we are 7 months into it, I suspect
some type of gut inflammatory process (virus, yeast, bacteria, or parasites) or
the chelator is no longer chelating toxic metals, but is binding up good
The phone call we just had w/the nurse was suggested that she is having some gut related issues and until those are resolved the chelation will not be as benefical in the long run. so...we are going to begin to clean brooke's gut out thru different types of supplements/medication. we hope this will ease her pain and the nerveous energy she is having.
Heal her gut Abba Father....and give her relief.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
we find out what's going on w/brooke come friday. friday also bill and i are taking some needed time away---just for the night. are therapist will be taking care of brooke and the boys are staying w/my mom and dad.
i'll let you know about friday- be in prayer as we decide what is best for brooke.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
there are choices to be made in the next few days w/us....and trusting God is our aim. My hands are open...I want His best, for His glory. Jeremiah 29.11
Monday, November 06, 2006
this week she will be out of school on tuesday and friday....along w/the boys....pray for an extra measure of strength to get thru the day...doing stuff she enjoys besides sitting in front of the tv.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
First, God taught me that it's the broken pieces He uses (the pain, the struggles, the building of character and etc...). He puts them together to make a beautiful and unique piece of art (us). The art is not done then...it takes time to heal...to dry if you will...then He begins to pour in His word (the grout that fills in between the pieces). w/o the grout the pieces would fall off and be useless. The foundation of God's word keeps the art together and complete. Then the end result is He pushes us into the world and His light shines thru us so that He Himself is Glorified.
There is more that i have learned...more that i have discovered...but all in all, God is using my art ability to help provide for Brooke's bi0-medical needs.
I'm honored to do this for her to help her and it gives me a way to escape and use it as "therapy time." If you are interested in getting a piece just contact me and i'll be happy to express thru art the broken pieces of my life to yours.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Jesus loves Brooke this i know, for the Bible tells me so, little ones to
Him belong they are weak but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves Brooke...Yes, Jesus
loves Brooke, Yes Jesus loves Brooke....the Bible tells me so.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
2 chronicles 20. 12 For we are powerless before this great multitude who are coming against us; nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are on Thee....15 and he said, "Listen, all Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem and King Jehoshaphat: thus says the LORD to you, `Do not fear or be dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours but God's. 16 `Tomorrow go down against them. Behold, they will come up by the ascent of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the valley in front of the wilderness of Jeruel. 17 `You need not fight in this battle; station yourselves, stand and see the salvation of the LORD on your behalf, O Judah and Jerusalem.' Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out to face them, for the LORD is with you." 18 And Jehoshaphat bowed his head with his face to the ground, and all Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem fell down before the LORD, worshiping the LORD. 19 And the Levites, from the sons of the Kohathites and of the sons of the Korahites, stood up to praise the LORD God of Israel, with a very loud voice.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Pass me not, O gentle Savior, hear my humble cry, while on others Thou art
calling, do not pass me by. Let me at Thy throne of mercy find a sweet relief
knoeeling there in dee contrition help my unbelief. trusting only in thy
merit would i seek thy face heal my wounded broken spirit save me by thy grace.
Thou the spring of all my comfort more than life to me, whom have i on earth
beside Thee? whom in heaven but Thee? Franny Crosby
when i'm down i sing, when i'm down i love to hear songs of worship, when i'm down my heart can't speak words...i can only sing songs that pull me towards Him...and in that moment....I know that there is no better ears to hear my song.....but Thee.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
O Joy that seekest me thro pain I cannot close my heart to Thee; I trace the rainbow thro the rain, And feel the promise is not vain That morn shall tearless be. george matheson
Monday, October 23, 2006
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
i've been thinking about abiding lately. this picture kinda sums up my thoughts. when i think of abiding i think of a continual presense, a closeness, always there....i could make a big list. when i see the dead branches around me i'm brought to the passage in John 15. Brooke has abiding down pat i think. This is something she doesn't need to learn b/c someone is always w/her. she is helpless on her own....and likewise. I'm learning from her...and i'm put in my place. I hope Jesus sees me as a "wanting" to abide b/c of the helplessness i'm in. Brooke you amaze me....and i love you. thank you for teaching me...i have learned more than i could ever think/imagine from you.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Monday, October 09, 2006
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Thursday, October 05, 2006
"Did i not say to you, if you believe, you will see the glory of
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Sunday, October 01, 2006
the girls have been teaching her this not long at all....it's just exciting....she knows her name...she speaks her name....
it reminds me that HE knows her name, her frame, and He speaks her. what a sweet sound.
my pit circumstance is not due to brooke or my family or anything like that....just my walk w/God....where He is taking me as an individual....i just wanted to clarify.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
" He guarded him like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its
young, that spreads its wings to catch them and carries them on its pinions. The
Lord alone led him, no foriegn god was w/him." (deut. 32.10-12)
Friday, September 29, 2006
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Friday, September 22, 2006
Thursday, September 21, 2006
i loved this picture....i can't help but think of God's promises to us in the midst of pain, suffering, heartache, trouble, difficulties, uncertains, and etc....i live in His promises for me and brooke for i know the plans He has....no not exact plans, but i'm okay w/out knowing where tomorrow will take me...He goes before us, stands beside us, and holds me up from behind so i'm standing. i'm certain that He knows and that is enough for me.
brooke has had numerous BM's in the past few days....doctors in chicago says this is a great thing and that the metals are coming out. we were encouraged by this....however, i do know she is uncomfortable w/as many as 3/4 in a day---the bathroom is the last place i'd wanta go. her aggression at home has excelled just slightly after dinner....hitting the blinds/windows and sceaming very loud. we are not knowing exactly how to handle this taking into consideration the chelation. pray for wisdom and solutions to behavior problems.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
a dear friend sent this to me...and wanted to put it on the blog today-pray w/me for Brooke if you like. the verse i thought was perfect...and one i need to tie around my neck for encouragement and knowing His character....sometimes it just gets overwhelming and i loose sight of His purposes and plans He has...b/c i take it personally and w/pride (thinking i can do it my way).
Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. (Proverbs 19:21, NIV)
Father,Thank you that you have purposes for our lives that prevail, and that we can count on you in every circumstance. Even though your purposes prevail, we can often miss your timing and cause the blessings you intend for us to be delayed. Therefore, Lord, we pray that you would give us great wisdom on how to stay in your timing and in your will for our lives and for Brooke's life. We thank you that the challenges that she faces are no real obstacle for you and that you can cause great fruitfulness to come. Lord, we pray that you would give each teacher and therapist great wisdom as they work with her, and that you would give them creative ideas for bringing her to her fullest potential. We thank you for your constant provision and for the comfort of your presence. In Jesus’ Name,Amen
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
first off....thank you for your comments, they are little gifts of encouragement to me and i appreciate your responses to my random thoughts and raw expressions.
I was reading just yesterday in "streams from the desert" that a dear mentor of mine gave to me...the passage spoke so quietly and still to me that i have to share it.
"who is this coming up from the desert leaning on her
lover?" s/s 8.5
i loved this passage for many reasons...one i do want to share. honestly speaking i have been in the desert for the past month...the desert for me has been painful, it was as if God had video taped my life and showed it back to me in slow motion, and it was insightful as i saw myself thru His eyes and not my own. I consider this passage for me a passage of encouragement and dear communion w/my Lord. the word "up" jumped off the page for me as i realized i'm coming out (up) of the desert....what a relief to say the least.....and then the words "leaning on her lover". Jesus....the lover of my soul, my dearest and best friend, companion above all rest, my comfort, guide....i lean heavily on His shoulders thru His embrace. God has been faithful as i said the other day---and He will continue to be faithful to me...this is His character...His nature.
As far a brooke is concerned....i'm so in love w/her. And though i give her hugs.....as she leans in to give me a kiss on her forehead.....i count it a joy as we go walking...of her leaning in to me for no reason at all -- a gift from what all i have learned in the desert. sweet communion.
Monday, September 11, 2006
a dear friend and i were talking today and she brought to mind a passage of scripture that i've always loved and used from time to tome...however, i had forgotten it. the passage was from Daniel....basicly it was saying....we will not bow down to the idol....and they said, you will be thrown into the fire....daniel said....so be it, our GOD will save us, but EVEN if He does not, we still will not bow down. wow! what courage, strength, faithfulness. it got us to talk about God's faithfullnes to us...NO MATTER WHAT He will be faithful to His children. This....i'm counting on. I choose NOT to bow down even "if". at least, i wanta be there....but not there yet....this is my passion...my desire...my heart's cry to be faithful to Him b/c He is faithful to me.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
i was in memphis part of the weekend helping my parents...my dad is in the hospital....hopefully he will be out soon. pray for quick recovery.
tomorrow starts off a fresh week....a week i'm looking forward to for many reasons.
someone emailed me a verse this past week....i've heard it forever.....but it sure took a new meaning on for me.
"this is the day the Lord has made....let us rejoice and be glad in it".
God has something in store for Brooke....God has something in store for me...and you. I am confident of this very thing....that HE who began a good work in you will complete it. phil. 1.6 give me the confidence i need Lord...and to rejoice in each new day you have made for us.
Friday, September 08, 2006
thank you for your prayers. they are all i need right now.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Brooke has had good days and bad days this week. ya never really know what she'll walk in the door w/and what to expect....this is good i guess. keeps me on my toes and those that work w/brooke.
yesterday a song came to me as i was in the shower....do you sing in the shower? well....it seems as if everyone in my family does....including brooke and her therapist! ha/
anyway----my dear friend that discipled (michelle) me taught me this song and it just came back to me:
"Jesus take me as i am
I can come no other way
take me deeper into you
let my flesh life melt away
make me like a precious stone
cyrstal clear and finally honed
Life of Jesus shinning thru
giving Glory back to You."
a song on my mind...a song in my heart...a new song...that gives encouragement, worship, praise, thanksgiving, and a way to rejoice....this is what i'm learning....
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
As i was getting home that late afternoon i noticed something on the concrete that "grabbed" my attention and put into a picture of the "acceptance of suffering" for me....w/no sarcasism or humor i was brought to my knees as i saw this flower escaping, growing, budding from, shining, letting others see beauty---as she pushed her way out from the concrete (the hardness, pain, suffering, between a rock and a hard place...if you will). She just sat there...as if to say to me accept the suffering, accept the pain, accept...accept...accept. i quickly snapped a picture to remember. about a half and hour later Ethan (youngest son....addicted to flowers) brought to me the flower that had grown from the concrete as gift.....that i gladly accepted.
Monday, September 04, 2006
brooke is feeling much better and she's off to school tomorrow. i'm worn out, physcially speaking. i think i could lay down and sleep until sometime next afternoon... (w/o medication! ha/)
the Lord is my helper and enables me to be strong.....in ps. 18 it's described as leaping over a wall. there are times when i know my strength is out...and there i go leaping over a wall that unexpectedly showed up....this is My God. If there was an Olypmic for this....i know i'd win...not speaking in vain here....but speaking only for the helpless state that i'm in and the Helpful Hands that push me over to my feet. this is My God.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Thursday, August 31, 2006
chelation weekend. i'm pretty sure it'll be calm weekend.
the rewards are small...but on the contrary they are great....seeing her smile at you, grabbing your hand for no reason at all, getting on your back during walks down the road, and saying YEAH.....knowing she's really saying "thank you".
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distresses. He stilled the storm to a whisper and the wave of the sea were hushed. they were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven. whoever is wise, let him heed these things and consider the great love of the Lord. (ps. 107. 28-30, 43).
they were glad "when" it grew calm. i wonder how many days that took...storms can be for hours at a time....days at a time... in the ocean.
they "cried out to the Lord". i wonder how long it took before Jesus calmed the sea....(just as mary and martha wanted Jesus to come "right then" to see their brother who was dying---but Jesus waited.) how long did they struggle and cry out? can you imagine the sea coming to a stand still after such a frenzy...after such a struggle....maybe after loosing men....items...food....but it came!
he "guided" them...the hand of God, the breath of God, the whisper of God, the comfort of God, even the quietness of God.....this we should take heed in and consider b/c it is the great love of God that guides us. we experience this when we cry out, when we struggle in the storm, when we are lost in sea, when the waves are so high, when no one understands the pain. yes, we experience the great love of the Lord and were glad b/c we waited on Him. no one else can calm such a storm as Him.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Thursday, August 24, 2006
after talking w/the doctor in chicgo... she said w/brooke's aggression being as it is....we are seeing her detox. i cannot put into words how to console her during her aggression expecially knowing she is detoxing. her eyes are heavy....underneath her eyes are darker than usual...and at school the other day they said she seemed as if she was hurting...she cried until she couldn't speak. last night....for the first time in a long time i noticed how helpless...sick...lonely she must feel. Not having a voice to express your frustrations, pain, suffering...it's as if she was in her own world. Oh how i long to be in it....
i consoled her as best as i could (w/her not wanting you to touch or be near)....it seemed all i could do was pray. "come quickly to our aid God"....
tonight she is resting better...
ya know...i miss the sounds i never hear: "mommy-i don't feel good"
i miss Brooke even though she is in my life day in and day out....i can't explain it....i just miss her.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
"when we are tried by dryness, dullnessof heart and despair, we are
very likely to feel alone in that most unhappy state. Perhaps that is why our
wonderful Father took care to have such writings as Ps. 77 preserved for us.
There are many such passages in the Bible, but i think this Psalm show the most
concentrated essense of spiritual distress we find anywhere. yet, it clearly
shows the way out into the sunshine. Verse 11 shows the way:it calls memory to
our aid: "i will remember the workds fo the Lord: and call to mind Thy wonders
of old time". It may seem quite impossible that we should rise and triumph, but
"Thou art the God that doeth wonders". we do not understand this strange
way: be it so."
this is where i have been....distressed, despaired. However, i know my God that does wonders, comforts us, triumphs with-over us, and rescues us in our distress. Let it be....God is for me!
as far as brooke....he behaviors at night have excelled. after 7:30pm comes (her usual bed time) she starts tantruming, hitting, throwing. she hasn't been going to bed til about 10 or 11. this has made bill and i weary b/c we do not let her have free reign over the house during this time.....whatever the case, as amy says "we do not understand this strange way: be it so"....but let it be....God is for Brooke!