but one thing i do know is that I have walked upon an oasis. The refreshment of God's word is allowing me to feel alive. It's Hope. I'll be here for a while. Thank you God for the hope you have sent my way and still send and give me daily. i just can't explain it.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
recently when i flew out to colorado i noticed as everyone does....after you go thru the clouds there is the blue sky. I'm reaching toward the blue skyin the midst of sorrow/betrayal/brokenness/grief. What's super great about this is....w/God, even in the clouds...He is there to bring comfort and help. The blue sky is just a bonus. recently i met someone w/the same suffering as i have and lived...she shared a verse w/me that i can not seem to get out of my mind.
Isaiah 58:11 "And the LORD will continually guide you, And satisfy your desire in scorched places, And give strength to your bones; And you will be like a watered garden, And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail."
the rain is falling hard here today. my heart is flooded with thoughts of Brooke. What is she doing? What or is she saying anything? Does she miss me when i'm gone? Does she know i'm not there? I want so badly to bring her home....that was my life....now, it's empty w/her gone and i'm left with the daily thoughts of her (my daughter). Just when you think the grieving is starting to fade it jumps back up in your face once again. the rain will pour down here all week i believe. The thoughts of Brooke will never fade from my memory and heart. What is it Brooke that you think of and what floods your mind? i so would want to know. i love you!
I remember like it was yesterday. The day of her diagnosis and the paperwork (they showed us) there in black and white penned in was written “mild mental retardation with autistic features”. I was at a complete loss of words. Occupational and speech therapists became regular visitors at our home in order to an effort to retrain Brooke’s mind. But, in my eyes it just never seemed to happen. And, slowly, Brooke became the mysterious one in our family. In a very real way, she became a reflection of the greater mystery of God. Deut 29.29 says “The secret things belong to the Lord God…” Brooke, my new Africa, had become my greatest fear, and my silent cry. I soon forgot about all the elephants that made me smile. (from my book, Little by Little).
well as you can see the view was incrediable. if you would like to see more, just email me....and i'll send them your way.
i got back home late it was a rough way home. we went right through a really bad thunderstorm. which those that know me.....know i was happy. but i will have to say-being on the ground is a tab bit more stable for me. ha/
the meeting w/brooke was pretty okay-they took her off one med and added a slight increase in another for behavior. she had had a rough morning so i did not get to give her the hug that i longed for....but i did get to see her through a window as she played on the playground. the meeting was insightful. we can see her twice this month. one being MLK weekend and another at the end of the month. bill will be gone next weekend, but hoping my parents can come over so we can at least go down to see her. don't know yet.
this last picture i was amazed at...it was on their aspen tree right outside of my sisters door. after i saw it...i remembered the passage. He who makes the eye, does HE not see. Grateful God does see us....just where we are at....and loves us!
I'm in dillion, co visiting my sister. tomorrow i'll be in birmingham having a meeting about Brooke. I talked w/brooke while i was here. she actually told me hello and goodbye....since she has been there she has never said those words on the phone. the trip here has been so healing in alot of ways. the snow hasn't stopped drifting down. i've been on a 2 hour snow show (on of those huge shoes that connects w/your foot) hike w/a friend of my sisters. it was in the middle of a big moutain. streams of water flowed. the snow streaming down not making a sound....but beating in my heart. it was perfect. i could have done that everyday. i went walking on a frozen small lake. while others skated around me. (i'll have pictures later when i get home and settled. i'm excited to see brooke just briefly. the main visit is for the meeting so i will not get to see her long. hopefully i'll get to hug her and tell her how much we love her. after Christmas we did not get that chance. she had extreme behaviors that made us leave w/o saying goodbye or even a hug. i miss her and love her.
This blog is dedicated to my daughter, Brooke. She has autism and lives in a facility with other children who have autism. In this blog i share raw thoughts, victories, frustrations, losses, gains as a mother with a special needs child. I am her voice...this is why i write.
Thanks for coming to my site. I'm married to a wonderful man, bill..we have 3 wonderful children, brooke, josiah, and ethan. I’m a painter, artist, caregiver and i live spending time with God, reading, writing, and chasing sunrises and sunsets!