Thursday, June 29, 2006
has the subtle ever taken you by surprise, caught you off guard, gotten your attention, or made you aware of something you've never noticed before?
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
tomorrow (thursday) we are headed to b/ham for a doctor's appointment w/ the rhetts specialist. every 6 months we see them...dr. percy is doing a study on brooke. i'm sure everything will be fine...
it's been a long day...and i'm not ready for tomorrow...thankfully i don't have to be.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Sunday, June 25, 2006
we have regular schedule this week....therapist come from 10:30-6:30.
i have to share what happened yesterday at the mall. molly and i went to the mall...she had brooke and i had the boys. we just walked for a while and brooke saw a chair and sat down. well, if you know brooke that is a shocker right there...anyway...she whipped her feet around and put them on the side of the chair like she was at home. so...we all found seats and sat there. as we sat molly pulls out a balloon from her pocket and gets brooke to imitate her...touching head, nose, lap....clapping hands. IT WAS CRAZY....the boys chimmed in and we were all getting brooke to do silly things. the balloon was flying all over the place...we were all laughing and felt like we were the only people in the mall. great experience! loved it!
it got me thinking.....in the midst of my crazy life....i sometimes feel like it's just me and God and the world is just a'going.....what about you.....when was the last time you were in a whirlwind and it got so still inside your heart that you felt Him right there....just you and Him? great experience i must say! love it!
Saturday, June 24, 2006
17 Though the fig tree should not blossom, And there be no fruit on the vines,
Though the yield of the olive should fail, And the fields produce no food,
Though the flock should be cut off from the fold, And there be no cattle in the
stalls, 18 Yet I will exult in the LORD, I will rejoice in the God of my
salvation. 19 The Lord GOD is my strength, And He has made my feet like hinds'
feet, And makes me walk on my high places. hab. 3.17-19
Ps. 18 has grabbed ahold of me as well.
This past thursday i got a chance to go see christy nochels in concert...(watermark). it was great to say the least...even though i was surrounded by people i felt as if i was the only one in the room worshipping, listening, lingering, resting, and being loved by HIM.
I desire hinds feet...God take me to the high places, you are my strength from day to day.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
"His morning aid comes before the morning." amy carmichael
i don't know really what part of this i should focus on....the "comes" or "before" or even "aid"... wait--maybe "morning". I love amy carmichael...love her thoughts, poetry, passion. This quote came at a really neat time in my life a several months ago and has just stuck w/me. i am need of His aid...i'm in need of His coming...i'm in need of the morning...i'm just in need of Him.
what a great smile!
Monday, June 19, 2006
...tough answers! the boys (josiah and ethan) have been more curious concerning brooke. just today josiah asked bill why brooke didn't talk like he did when she was older than him. a few days before that ethan asked where brooke's "other" mom and dad were? i asked him what he meant....he referred to the Learning Tree and the home she lived in. it's hard to answer the questions they have in a way they can understand. they are however very precious towards brooke....like little therapist saying "brooke say "cookie"" as they give her a cookie. as they get older time will play a big factor but as for now they love her and i think even have a watchful eye out for her.
some questions we have as adults need to be spoken...we need to voice them to our Father...to be real, vulnerable, child-like. In time, He will answer i do know that! He will answer. He is not a God from a far off....nor a God that does not know our deepest questions. He knows and will whisper in my ear what I need to know.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
...i need to pray more. pray for healing, direction, the next step, a cry for help...the list goes on. I just need to pray until i cannot utter another word...until i'm totally exhausted of all my thoughts, worries, concerns, and anxiety...until Jesus comes back. i'm lacking God...teach me to pray.
Friday, June 16, 2006
i will never leave you comfortlessly I WILL COME TO YOU! John 14. 18
i think brooke knows this passage very well in physically terms w/her great dad....and w/her spiritual Dad. There are no better arms than His....no better hugs than dads....
Bill you are the greatest father. I'm grateful to be next to you on this journey...you make me smile.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
...i hate autism. today is one of those days. high-pitch screaming, head-banging, hitting, anxiety, and the "i don't know what to do" days come and go w/autism. it makes you wonder. some say i'd love to get in their head for a day...well, i say i'd love to get in their head for one minute! You never really know what a day will hold....today was a hard day for some reason for brooke--she wasn't her normal self like she usually is. but better days are coming. tomorrow we start b-12 shots. (1 every 3 days) we've been doing nasal shots, but are finding it doesn't make big impacts as we would like to see so we are going to try the shots to see if this helps. bill and i are excited....ya never really know do ya?
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
i love to swing. brooke does too. often we go to the park and you'll see her running off to the swing. she gets so excited. she sits and off her little feet go trying to gain speed, trying to get the rhythm right.....she gives no notice to how the swing is held up....she just gets on.
if i could see w/spiritual eyes i think i'd see Jesus hands holding the strings, the ropes, the chains...holding her life...holding her. I don't wanta loose this picture in my mind. Brooke doesn't seem forget it, she just gets on and w/o question she trusts. How i desire her child like faith.
you have no idea brooke how much i love you!
Friday, June 09, 2006
God...help my unbelief! I'm in the psalms this week...listening, wondering, asking the hard questions, waiting, dying, being frustrated, smiling at small victories...today just happened to be one of those days. So i'm praying GOD....help my unbelief and bring me to a place of complete confidence i your will and not MINE.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
so....no real big news....just mantaining w/ Jesus at my side.
Monday, June 05, 2006
Saturday, June 03, 2006
our summer is in full swing. walking here and running there. these past few days we've adjusted to the new times our help will come...and we will be adjusting more next week when brooke goes to school for one week from 8-3. the boys have VBS and i have choosen to stay home and revamp b/c bill is out of town next week w/a youth event. i'm ready for a break even if it's just a couple hours a day to myself or w/friends. i'm hoping this is what i have been longing for....just a time of refreshment...a new look...a different aspect of things. i am praying this will happen for me.
brooke's chelation is going well as so is her diet. we will start her 3rd round of chelation next week. her behavior is off and on. you never really know what will set her off and so you seem to always be on guard. however....I'm looking forward to what is ahead...and forgetting the things left behind. God is doing something new here...and i chose not to live in the past or even yesterday.
"walk worthy of the Lord in all pleasing being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God" col 1.10
this is the walk i want to live in.