Thursday, December 27, 2007

withdraws

i'm having brooke withdraws. we had a great family chrismas with just the boys/brooke/my husband and myself. it was nice to sit around, brooke felt comfortable and herself. sometimes she would go from room to room to room to room... and all over again. all over she did very well at the house. there was only one time we had to give her some meds to calm her down...but no terrible behaviors. However, today i took her back to school. we walked into her classroom and something set her off. crying, bitting self, slapping others, climbing on top of chairs/desck/bitting others/very very unsettled. i wasn't able to say bye to her and hug her and tell her that Jesus is with her. Josiah and Ethan walked out the door w/me and josiah started to cry...then ethan. they had loved the visit w/her...and in their little minds, i'm sure they had many questions as they saw Brooke react the way she did. Part of me wanted to take her back home. I called later and she was fine...i had left her Christmas toys on her bed....I go back on the 8th for a meeting. i'll be sending Christmas photos soon, for i'm out of town now.
I hope you all had a merry Christmas remembering Jesus birth....for it was His birth that brought Him death so we could live! what a mighty savior.
I love you brookey cookey....i miss you more than you know.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Christmas holidays

We will be getting brooke for Christmas sunday dec.23 and taking her back on dec. 26. the drive for brooke for thanksgiving was just a little to much, so we thought we could visit our family after we take brooke back. needless to say-i hate doing this, i feels sorry for her around the holidays and it makes me want to be w/her constantly-but i know it's too hard for her and for the rest of the family. we will get thru it though.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

trusting

Brooke you are my inspiration and the one that encourages me to surrender to our Father. W/o Him.....i know i am nothing. We both need Him, dear. i miss you tonight.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

the meeting:

I think the meeting went well. They are going to up her agression medication because she does have lots of aggression still. they shared w/me all the aggression she is doing to others/herself. I hope the medication helps her. As far as education is concerned....that seems to remain the same. She still struggles w/her skills. I too, was able to share my concerns and information hoping it will in return help her.

i miss you brooke! Jesus has got you!

Monday, November 26, 2007

meeting...

I'm driving down to have a meeting w/brooke and her team tuesday. It'll be a good meeting---letting me know all that is going on in her world when we are not together and vise-versa. I'm not sure what Christmas is going to look like for us. It's possible we stay here, for brooke's sake.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

thanksgiving pictures







Jesus....


All i know is that Jesus has got you Brooke.


we had a good visit w/brooke, i'll send some pictures out later. she got frustrated on friday....it didn't end til midnight. other than that it was a precious visit.

thank you for your prayers.

Friday, November 16, 2007

tribute for you, brooke

I saw what I saw and I can't go forget it
I heard what i heard and i can't go back
I know what i know and i can't deny it.
something on the road, cut me to the soul

Your pain has changed me
your dream inspires
your face a memory
your hope a fire
your courage askes me what i'm afraid of
and what i know of love.

your courage asks me what i'm afraid of
Your courage asks me what I'm made of
and what i know of love
and what i know of God.

-sara groves

Thursday, November 15, 2007

medication:


Just recently brooke was put on some medication for her aggression. so, apparently it's still there. We hope during the holidays she will remain peaceful and calm.

we would appreciate your prayers. thank you.....

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

coming home

brooke will be coming home next wednesday. It'll be a great b/day gift for bill on that day. we are still unaware of how long she will get to stay. that will be known to us this coming week....depending on behaviors and such. I miss her terribly and grieve over her absence.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

changes

fall is in the air...you can almost touch it in your hands...and see the leaves change from every color on the spectrum. it's a beautiful month....one of my favorites. Change comes:with weather....life...people...God...the thing is are we ready for the change. I love change but i hate it at he same time. Some say it's too hard. Spiritually speaking it's probably the easiest thing i've ever done. Letting go.....and letting God take it for you-b/c He is capable and ready to do it if we allow Him too.
fall is in the air...and sometimes change never happens. You cant' touch it, see it, hear it--it just doesn't happen. Yesterday i called brooke they asked her to come to the phone and she didn't say a word....i repeated over and over "hey brooke...it's mommy" say "mommy"...but she ran away from the phone. sometimes changes never happen...but the leaves do fall...and we rake them up and start all over again.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Doors

Never lose heart when confronted by disappointment, for i you will take time for recollection, many past experiences will come to mind in which the closed door proved to be a blessing as it left you free to accept a different and greater opportunity.
Remember always that i control all that touches you, and as i move to order your life, i not only open the right doors, but close the wrong ones. Whenever a wrong door is closed, it is by My hand as much as when a right one opens. In this way I not only bring you joy but spare you pain. Trust Me.
never bemoan what seems to have been loss. all things are gathered into My bosom and I return to you only what will bless. As you trust Me when things appear to be going wrong, your anxiety will diminish. have I not said that nothing shall harm you?

-on the highroad of surrender

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

my day in b/ham

well, it turned out that brooke didn't get any work on her tooth. she'll be going to another doctor that will be able to assit her better. seeing her today took my breath away. they had given her some meds for her to be calm.....b/c of that she was so sweet. very relaxed.....and loving. she just held on to me as i laid my head on her lap. it was great to see her...even if it was 15 minutes. i always say "it's the little things in life"....and it was today-the little touch, the little smile, the little words of "mommy", "yep", are you okay......man, when she asked me that....i felt like taking her to get a coke and sitting down and saying, ya know honey....i'm not okay-i think about you constantly, i wanta know what's going on in your mind, i wanta know what you do daily, i wanta know what foods you eat....no, brooke i'm not okay---b/c your not w/me. but i held my tongue and said, yeah brooke....mommy is okay. my favortie singer is sara groves. she sings this song called "it's gonna be alright". i think of today-and think of that song....remembering, yeah....it's gonna be okay, brooke. with you in His hands...and with the Comforter at my side...we both are going to be okay.

Monday, October 29, 2007

it's real

grief....it comes and goes, does it not. tonight i feel as if i cannot move. yes, i trust God completely...but the pain is real. be my refuge and fortress whereunto i can continuely resort.
ps. 71.3

Friday, October 26, 2007

bitter-sweet

it's a bitter sweet weekend for me. brooke was suppose to come home but as stated earlier she cannot. i think the next time we can get her for a visit is Thanksgiving. I wish it was already here. i say bitter-sweet b/c i get to get away for the weekend (this signifies the sweet--ha). i need the time to be by myself---yet at the same time surrounded by other ladies i don't know. My precious friend will be doing a retreat...and it turned out i get to go. what makes it bitter-sweet is that i get to show my mosaics to others this weekend....which the whole reason i do them is for Brooke. She will constantly be on my mind as i talk/share w/other ladies how brokenness really does bring healing. i love you brooke-e

Monday, October 22, 2007

no visit



our visit w/brooke will not happen this weekend. the nurse called this morning and reported she has taken some stitches out already. the problem is if she continues to do this the wound will get worse and they will have to do something else. next week, however, i do get to see her...but i doubt she will remember me being there. she is getting her tooth fixed and they will be putting her under. the nurse told me it took 3 adults to get her calm the other day saturday night from anxiety and behavior problems. i hurt for her. please continue to pray on her behalf.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

small accident

Brooke had an accident last night that took her to the er. She is better now. However she has 5 stitches on her mouth. If you know anything about brooke she is very bad about "picking"....picking sores, her mouth, her hands, etc.... They are trying to redirect her to stop touching her mouth where the stitches are. If not, she'll pull them out. Pray she is healed soon so that this doesn't become a future problem. i went up to see her last night as soon as i found out. it was great to see her...i hate under those circumstances though. right before i left i got to lay down beside her in her bed and hold her. It reminded me of God. When he knows we've fallen to the ground....He comes. Even in the middle of the night. He lays beside us and holds us....praying for us and brings healing to our brokenness. His touch is worth it all.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

the swing

the pine needles and grass are pressed down where brooke has been this weekend at home. The swing she loves has been unactive until this past weekend. The swing. I don't know if you remember your childhood of swinging, but there is something about flying in the air. brooke only goes so far....her feet hit the ground each time she lifts off....in the air..and back on the ground again. I love to swing. sometimes i'll just randomly stop at some playground and just swing. brooke and i have that in common. the pine needles and grass will start edging there way from the ground where they were stepped on until brooke comes home again.

it thrilled me so to have her home for 24 hours. she smiled so much....she got a hair cut...and ate anything she wanted! here are the latest pictures of her and the swing.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

are you kidding me?

This past weekend i was in an art show....as this lady was purchasing some of my work she asked me if i could do others for her.....I said, "sure"....then she said "is it a problem that i live in birmingham"....hummm, i said "well, no, my daughter lives there and i go down there twice a month." as she wrote out her information for me, she asked me where my daughter lived. oh boy--here we go.... I said" well, she is autistic and is living at a place called Glenwood." she looked at me and said, we had some one in our family that went there years ago. She asked me if i knew Alan Scott. (Alan Scott is the founder of Glenwood.....it was his son she was referring to.) She then said that they were related to Alan Scott and she knew exactly where Glenwood was. I was amazed to say the least.....such a small world. God keeps confirming to me that Glenwood is the place for her. This story made me smile....and thank God even more.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

it's hard to talk about brooke when i don't get to "see" her to find out really how she is doing. our next visit w/her is at the end of this month. i'm not sure how long we get to see/keep her. it's kinda up in the air with how they think she is adjusting. if you would like to know her address to send her mail...please email me personally for the information. bill and i are trying to send her something each week. My peace still remains.....and what a gift this is from God. we all miss her. Josiah during our dinner time.....prays for brooke-i wish you could hear him. it's so precious. i don't know what all they comprehend....but i do know they love her and that she and will always remain part of this family. I love you brooke.....you are a gift from God....i'm blessed in knowing you not only as a mom but a friend. always yours.....

Monday, September 03, 2007

freedom at last!

For serveral years i've been holding on to the idea that i was the one that put her in the Learning Tree and now Glenwood....because i didn't try hard enough, i didn't do enough to get her better, i was weaker than her and i just couldn't....however, today i gotta say I am not under that guilt anymore! This past Thursday i was able to release that to the Lord. Freeing is not even a word to express the burden i carried around. Praise be to God!
i wanted also to share some pictures of our last visit. my parents came down to see her this past saturday. we had such a good day-may the pictures reveal our day. Our next visit w/brooke is at the end of sept. (you can click on any picture to see up closer)

Friday, August 31, 2007

Prayer

Lord, i pray for Brooke right now, hold her close to your heart. I love her dearly Lord....help her to learn, play. I desire Lord for her to happy. Help her settle in her new home life. I pray for those that work with her...i first pray for their salvation. that each one would come to know you personally if they do not already. Give them guidance, strength, wisdom to direct brooke. I know Lord you have already sent your angels charge over her.....those is no reason that i should wonder or fret of her safety....b/c you Lord have set it in stone.
Thank you for what You are doing in and thru her life.....and in and thru my life. Your timing is perfect...You are perfect. Let her know i love her.....amen

Saturday, August 25, 2007

new home

friday went as expected. the first part of the day was filled up w/meetings. then we were able to fix up her room. it was raining badly so we just went next door to say bye to brooke. she came running down the hall w/a big grin. hugging bill and me. it was precious. we hear she adjusted well to her new room. i'll be calling tomorrow to check in on her. i'll get to see her for labor day. then after that i'll get to see her the end of the month just for a day.
today has been tough.....just thinking about her makes me take deep breaths thinking of how she is...what she's doing. the pain is great. but God is greater. thanks to all who have been praying for this transition.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

friday



please pray for brooke and her family on friday the 24th. she will be going in her placement at Glenwood. we won't get to see her as often as we have been.....

lately her behavior has been bad.....

pray for stable environment.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

thoughts

brooke is still not in her home yet, it should be soon. i saw her saturday and will see her again on saturday with the boys. (my mom and dad may go too). it's been hard. i miss her with every breath i take.....i'm hurting and feel numb.

Monday, July 30, 2007

home,diet,health

well...brooke will be moving in her home soon. as soon as we get the call we will go and sign all the papers to make things offical. She's doing well in her home....they took her off the gluten part of the diet and are seeing good signs, they also took her off one of the medications and they have given great reports on that.

it looks like though, we won't get to see brooke very much as we do now when she gets in her new home. i'm hurt by this news....but God knows my pain and interceeds on my behalf. grieving is difficult and relieving all at the same time.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

His angels


Today a friend went w/me to see brooke. the boys were able to go too. it was a good visit. the main thing i have to say that took me by surprise was...we went to the chapel on campus and before you went in you saw this bench marker i read the words and Knew God was not only speaking to Brooke but me to. the second picture is what i love the most. the passage is ps. 91.11. if you click on the picture you can see it upclose.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

the smile i've longed for....

it's the smile i've waited to see. today's visit this saturday was really good. thankfully brooke wanted to stay in her room the whole time, so we got alot of one on one. it was good to see her smile....it was good for her to lean her forehead at me for a kiss. i've longed for this.....and i got it today....



Saturday, July 07, 2007

our saturday

just wanted to give an update w/pictures of brooke and how she is doing. today (saturday)...it was good to see her. when we got there she noticed us and came to us and i was quick to give her a hug. it was raining the whole time, and the other children were alittle upset without getting to see their parents.....so we just took a drive around the area. if you notice she has a black eye....how i don't know, they say it was a reaction to medication, but i will discuss that w/them on wednesday on the team meeting days. it's kinda of a crazy few weeks sorry i haven't been able to keep you updated as i would have liked. she seems to be doing good in the program and we pray she'll continue adjusting. thanks to Jesus for being at her side every moment...this picture is for you brooke...and my dear friend trisha...



this is glenwoods sign coming in

bill and brooke
me and brooke
brooke w/josiah
ethan and brooke

the house she lives in now...



the house she'll move into

Monday, June 25, 2007

wednesday

wednesday we will leave for a team meeting for brooke. in fact, each wednesday we can come for the team meeting for her--to find out how she is doing, changes, etc.....i plan on making those bi-weekly...this weeks is very important. we will be talking about the medication she is on that makes her sleepy.....i'm hoping some changes will occur during the meeting.

for me things are hitting home that she is away-i've cried many tears...but i trust Jesus that His arms are better than mine.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

trust


the Father said "do you trust me"..... with tears i asked...."Lord, what are you going to do, where are you going, how long will it take, tell me your thouths?" the Father said... " i'm sorry i cannot tell you, do you trust me?" with tears streaming down....i said "yes, i trust you".


recently this conversation came between me and the Lord. I wake up every morning and tell Him.....Lord i trust you for today. Looking ahead is to hard....and it makes me worry. but as His word says.....don't worry about tomorrow, for it will take care of itself.


of course, the tears still come....i still hurt...but I trust Him.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

our monday

monday i thought would never end. we got to the hospital to get brooke. it was great to take her out of the hospital in our car. while she was in the hospital she was on some medication that now we regret agreeing on. she sleeps all the time which basicly limits her behaviors. we then took her to glenwood where we had an extensive meeting w/various staff. then we were able to go to her room (which she won't be in long-then she'll move into the the long term area---different house). so i wasn't able to decorate or anything..... she looked so sad, all i think b/c of the meds. she just stayed in her bed the whole time. we unloaded her stuff.....and got her room "dora" proof. ha/. then it was time to go. i leaned my head into hers and prayed. she just sat there as if she was being held by Jesus Himself.

since then bill and i have had some time to be alone. we went to a lake and spen time on a boat....sharing, crying, laughing.

brooke has not been adjusting well.....as we have talked w/them daily. i'll be going down on wednesday for a meeting and hopefully we will be able to sort out the meds.
thank you for your prayers during the difficult and trying time. i'm not afraid to say i'm hurting for her as a mother would.....but i'm confident she is in His hands and i'm not afraid of that.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Your Way

i'm left w/empty hands, a heavy heart, and a longing for Jesus. I need His way. It's perfect....why would we not want any other way. Oh Lord...embrace your child...embrace me.

Friday, June 08, 2007

trinity

today we put brooke into trinity hospital in birmingham. they have a behavior program...so we decided to put her there while we wait for a bed to become avaliable at Glenwood...which will be soon.
walking away from her was difficult. i don't understand things in life-why we have to go thru different things but what i do know is that He wants us to trust Him.
brooke has given me more than i could ask for...but tonight, i'd do anything to see her smile at me and say---mom...Jesus has got me, it's okay.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

i love you.

the strength you possess amazes me.
the courage you have undertaken makes me wanta be like you.
the smile you have makes laugh.
the energy you have makes me tired
the love you share makes me smile
the tears you cry makes me wonder.

you amaze me brooke. i love you.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

my view

it's funny how we view ourselves, is it not? one that i know about me....is i'm way to hard on myself. go figure. we are each made up to His liking. i struggle w/being confident in myself--which in turn effects every relationship i'm in. including God's. can't seem to get these thoughts out of my head.

Friday, May 25, 2007

glenwood

laura and brooke

brooke has been accepted into Glenwood. We don't know when she'll actually go....but it looks like mid-june. thank you for your prayers during this difficult and painful disicion. i'll be sharing more later.

Monday, May 14, 2007

thrusday...

thursday we will go to b/ham to glenwood for a pre-admission meeting. we will be watching them and they will be watching her to see if this is the best thing to do. We get there at 10:30. Please pray for wisdom and guidance as God directs. thank you!

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

rough

just thinking tonight. good day---rough night.

pray for peace for brooke this weekend. bill will be doing my close friends wedding---molly at mentone. we are excited about getting away, however the way brooke's behaviors have been lately it only causes me more concern as we are away...

i dread the thought of glenwood---knowing it's best for our whole family.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

broken...


sorry it's been a long time posting. i broke my wrist it has pins in it and everthing...and i have been in alot of pain. however, about brooke. things are degressing w/her.....so much so we are considering to put her back in a home. my heart is broken...but out whole family is suffering. the place we are looking at is glenwood, in alabama. if you are interested....it's www.glenwood.org

her behaviors have been nevertheless bad...and have increased in nature. please pray for us as we make decisions regarding our future.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

but....


sorrow is God's greatest opportunity to deal with us. Because in those times we are so defenceless. we know that we simply can't continue on our own. (ethel renwick)


i'm troubled...but God is here. I'm wounded...but God is here. I'm scared...but God is here. I'm sad...but God is here. my sorrow runs deep. but I know that I cannot continue on my own w/o Him. In Him...i find what i'm looking for...what i need...who i can trust...and where I can completely be free.

Monday, April 09, 2007

pray

I would like to ask prayer for brooke....bill and i are at a crossroad once again w/brooke not knowing how to treat behavior...scripture in 2 Chron. says "and we do not know what to do"....i am so there. at school she is different...at home she is different....and at church she is different. sometimes i'm at my wits end.....and i look at her wondering what she is thinking. i want to help her so bad...but it's all a mystery to me.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

our day

brooke's day at school was very bad.
brooke's day at home was okay. she is still getting use to Amber and Amber use to her. It will take time.
I was able to get out for a bit and come back home in time for her dinner. A close friend and i went to another one of my favorite places. Fall Creek Falls. We had a great time....was on top of a waterfall looking over...and walked behind a waterfall.

Monday, April 02, 2007


on saturday we went to one of my favorite places....sweene, tn. they have a natural bridge there along w/other neat stuff. brooke seemed to enjoy her time.
brooke is still the same, no major change....but we are praying....praying for new ideas...thoughts...places...so please keep her in mind as we try to make some decisions for our whole family. it's been a crazy month...but things are looking better...and i'm feeling somewhat better.



Thursday, March 22, 2007

sick

the reason of me not posting anything of recent is b/c i've been sick. I am getting better...but i still need some time to recover. I'll be posting again soon....probably start off in april. so, don't stop looking....i'm here....i'm just not writing now. thanks!

Saturday, March 10, 2007

John 9

This passage of scripture really got to me. I'll let you read it on your own.....but basicly the disiciples see a blind man and they as Jesus...who sinned, this man, or his parents that he was born blind? Jesus replies w/neither. He was born so that God may be glorified....and in the following passages He heals the man and God receives the glory.

As i was going thru this study- you better believe i thought the same as the disciples. what did i do God? what sin did i commit for Brooke to be as she is? But i was comforted w/the fact that it wasn't anything i did, or bill did....but so God would recieve glory. so, this is my aim in life....for God to recieve the Glory. she may not be healed as the man was that day-but there are other ways God gets what He deserves!

Friday, March 09, 2007

tough

it's been a tough few weeks for me.....that is why the blog hasn't been updated. however, i'll be getting back in the swing of things and will be adding my lessons from John very soon.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

restless

brooke's day was quite restless. nothing seemed to get her settled. whether eating, playing, watching tv....you could tell something was bothering her. i'm reminded of the woman.....who touched the hem of Jesus cloak and was healed. I won't give up praying that one day....Jesus will touch her restless body and she will be healed. If not....if it never comes...so be it and His grace will see us thru.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

dreams

Therapist and close friend Molly had a dream the other night about Brooke....this is what she remembered:

Someone asked Brooke, "do you have autism Brooke, do you have autism?" brooke responded w/ "for now i do".

i thought that was pretty neat. We are not sure whether or not brooke will respond that way- but we pray in faith that one day she will say "i did, but not anymore."

Monday, February 26, 2007

John 5

The next biggest thing i learned in John is found in chapter 5. This is a neat story if i ever read one. If you have a chance, read it before you move on. A man 38 years sick....sitting on his mat....a man (Jesus) walks up and asks a silly but moving question. Do you wish to get well? Are we so pre-occupied w/our situation that we don't even see Jesus standing near us? Are we so distracted w/our self that we don't notice His voice? I was! The man's response could have honestly been mine. "i have no one to put me in the water". It almost sounds like pity..... i was in the midst of a pity party. "my daaaauuuuuggggttttteeerrrrr is aaaauuuuttttisssssttticcc. The question He asks though requires a responsibility....a deeper commitment. First God asks the impossible, then He removes the possibility for a relapse, and then He expects success...GET UP!
the man had to decide to obey....his faith had to move into action. He had to get past the excuses. If Jesus told you to pick up your security blanket.....what would it be? Don't expect to be carried. Jesus helps the helpless...the paralyzed. This is where i was paralyzed in the idea of autism. However, where we find our hope and security is not in some security blanket, or even stirring waters....but getting up and trusting in the voice that says "Get up?" no question about it.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

John 1

Because of personal reasons i have not been able to do the blog as i like....however, i hope to not delay any longer and share my experiences in John.

My experience w/John 1 is simple. To know Him as healer, sustainer, friend....we have to really know Him. If we want to know God we have got to know Jesus. He made it clear who He was and who He was not. The most important purpose in life is knowing Christ and knowing His Word. The foundation of this is (was) so important in my experience w/Brooke. Knowing Christ deeply and learning how He speaks to me was my foundation to this book.

Brooke has been doing pretty good. Her behaviors go up and down. We have a newly added therapist her name is Amber. We are excited for her to join the team.....Pray for Amber as she learns how to work w/brooke and teach her.

Friday, February 16, 2007

lessons from John:overview

a few years ago i went thru bible study fellowship....it's a wonderful study of God's word. I would encourage you to find out about it... i think if you go to www.bsfinternational.org you'll be able to find one close to you. That year we went thru the book of John...for you study the whole book for the whole school year, if you will. these next few emails i'll share my journey with you---what i learned, how God got my attention...its funny though because God showed by each chapter building on top of the other. Meaning if i would have read chapter 8 before chapter 3 it wouldn't have meant as much to me. so....shall i get started....?

John....a godly man, Jesus best friend was such rare find...For Jesus (God) entrusted Him w/so much. He must have trusted him with the fullness of who He was. For He entrusted Him to write the book of John, 1,2,3 John....and on top of that He entrusted him to write Revelations. wow.....how about that for a resume'. The question that arose to me as i sat on the edge of the seat was "what has God entrusted you w/ and what are you doing w/it"? This started my journey in my thinking process. Because i knew my answer...it was brooke...and i wasn't doing anything with it!

Monday, February 12, 2007

my song


God, my God, I cry out Your beloved needs You now God, be near, calm my fear And take my doubt Your kindness is what pulls me up Your love is all that draws me in I will lift my eyes to the Maker Of the mountains I can’t climb I will lift my eyes to the Calmer Of the oceans raging wild I will lift my eyes to the Healer Of the hurt I hold inside I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You God, my God, let Mercy sing Her melody over me God, right here all I bring Is all of me ‘Cause You are and You were and You will be forever The Lover I need to save me ‘Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God So hold me now--bebo noman


if you haven't heard this song yet....it's one that's on the top of my list. get your radio station to play it or something. Based on Ps. 121..... and based on my thoughts.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

the voice

Brooke is doing good. the screaming still remains.
Just the other day brooke was taking a shower and she told molly "too hot". wow. we have been going over hot/cold in shower time...actually the water was too hot.

it sure is the little things in life that keep ya going. nothing moves me more than brooke saying something i've never heard her say-or her doing something we've worked weeks and even months on. they come and then they go like the wind....ya just gotta be watching and paying attention or you'll miss the soft spoken voice. it reminds me of the story in 1 Kings i believe...God did't speak in the whirlwind, thounderstorm, or anything like that....but the still small voice.

there's nothing that moves me more than God's word becoming alive and the still, soft, spoken voice of brooke.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

precious prayers

Tonight as brooke laid in her bed i asked if she wanted to pray...she said nothing. So, i started a simple prayer. 'thank you Lord for this day...i love you (she said "you), please make me well amen' then she said "please, please". although i know that she is just repeating my words...it was so innocent and real and vulnerable and just precious. Please Lord....hear your daughter's heart and make her well. Please...Please.

we are taking some time away w/the boys. i'm looking forward to it...i need the away time with them. our therapist...tammy, molly and laura will be working and taking care of brooke's needs=please pray for them as they handle her behaviors...they have still remained to be on the high side.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

petite jean

to every mountain there are valleys. in the valleys are snakes, thorn bushes, dark shadows, deep steeps and sharp rocks. i used to go to Petite Jean Mountain almost 6 months out of the year. the location is in mid-ark. i loved it there...one of favorite places to go. there is a waterfall there that is just beautiful. in fact, bill proposed on top of that waterfall just over 11 years ago. On the way down to the waterfall i saw the snakes, thorn bushes, dark shadows....deep steeps and sharp rocks. however....in the valley was this waterfall. I'll never forget the first time i saw it w/my friend michelle....what a view. Personally speaking.....i'm hitting the sharp rocks, seeing the dark shadows....apart from brooke. but the pureness of the waterfall flowing down reminds me of God's word ever so gently flooding my heart. (this picture is of petite jean mountain waterfall)

brooke is screaming louder lately--and her behaviors are up. come Lord....be in the valley w/us and pour on your pure word into springs of living water.