Sunday, May 08, 2011

i am the child

tonight..i'm hurting for Brooke, for many reasons. i ran across this...i've posted this before, but tonight i needed to repost.
brooke, i love you! you are so precious to me and i'm so grateful to have you as my teacher.

"I am the child who cannot talk. You often pity me, I see it in your eyes. You wonder how much I am aware of. I see that as well. I am aware of much...whether you are happy or sad or fearful, patient or impatient, full of love and desire, or if you are just doing your duty by me. I marvel at your frustration, knowing mine to be far greater, for I cannot express myself or my needs as you do.
You cannot conceive my isolation, so complete it is at times. I do not gift you with clever conversation, cute remarks to be laughed over and repeated. I do not give you answers to your everyday questions, responses over my well being, sharing my needs, or comments about the world about me. I do not give you rewards as defined by the world's standards...great strides in development that you can credit yourself; I do not give you understanding as you know it.
What I give you is so much more valuable...I give you instead opportunities. Opportunities to discover the depth of your character, not mine; the depth of your love, your commitment, your patience, your abilities; the opportunity to explore your spirit more deeply than you imagined possible. I drive you further than you would ever go on your own, working harder, seeking answers to your many questions with no answers. I am the child who cannot talk.
The world seems to pass me by. There is much you take for granted. Sometimes people appear not to notice me; I always notice them. I feel not so much envy as desire. I give you awareness.
I am the child who is mentally impaired. I don't learn easily, if you judge me by the world's measuring stick, what I do know is infinite joy in simple things. I am not burdened as you are with the strife and conflicts of a more complicated life. My gift to you is to grant you the freedom to enjoy things as a child, to teach you how much your arms around me mean, to give you love. I give you the gift of simplicity.
I am the disabled child. I am your teacher. If you allow me, I will teach you what is really important in life. I will give you and teach you unconditional love. I gift you with my innocent trust, my dependency upon you. I teach you about how precious this life is and about not taking things for granted. I teach you about forgetting your own needs and desires and dreams. I teach you giving. Most of all I teach you hope and faith."

Friday, May 06, 2011

just the facts

last month i had surgery to remove a disc in my neck. ouch. it went fine...but recovery has been another story. during my "recovery" time, i wasn't able to interact w/brooke all that much. i still got to see her daily in her group home, but from a distance. it was hard sitting across the room from her and not being able to sit close or hug her as i wanted. i reaffirmed her that i loved her in those moments..but still hard as a mom. i hope she understood.

brooke spent the night Easter weekend. it was a special weekend for us. on Easter sunday i could hear her in the other room chattering away like the early birds singing a new tune. i'm sure she was singing her little heart out because she knew she served a "living God." she didn't do so well in church but we did manage to worship in the car driving around our city. :)

we are looking forward to our next break to have her w/us. the boys don't get to see her everyday as i get we are needing some family moments.

i miss her so badly...and i get to see her everyday.
one day we will all be together. one day.