brooke...

...is home, and we are all smiles!


(this is NOT a recent picture. this is laura (therapist) with brooke)

another reminder

it's funny, as soon as i start talking about elephants i start remembering different things to say:

I was reminded by my dear friend in Chicago of this verse in Psalms 121.7-8

"the Lord will guard your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forever."

the whole psalm has ministered to me since brooke went to her first facility at age 7. Furthermore, at different times in my life, God continues to bring them up to encourage me, minister to me, and for me to even pray over these verses for her. Today, as we prepare for her visit tomorrow, i will be praying this verse for her. would you join me in doing so?

home visit

brooke's home visit will be this thursday-saturday....my parents will come over to see her on friday. we are expecting a better visit this time around.

pray for less anxiety on her part and an easy transition coming from school to home and then from home to school.

I can't wait to see you brooke! i love and miss you!

worth it

I cannot remember if i've ever shared a prayer that has ministered to me...if i have, it's worth sharing again...

Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up
that to be low is to be high
that the broken heart is the healed heart
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown
that to give is to receive
that the valley is the place of vision. Amen
(The Valley of Vision)

His timing...

I remember the day well. A dear friend Michelle and I would, almost always, go after church to the foyer and sing. There was a beautiful marble floor with glass windows surrounding the area. It was a perfect place to sing, for even if you didn't sound all that great, with the echo it gave, you sounded like an angel. We sang our usual song that day as we were almost the last to leave church, "Our God Is An Awesome God", by Rich Mullins. We were caught up in the moment when someone got our attention. A young man, his age unknown, said almost awkwardly, "I have a song to sing". So he began:

In His time, in His time, He makes all things beautiful, in His time. Lord please show me everyday as your teaching me to pray that you do just what you say in your time.

I, personally was blown away. It brought tears to my eyes as i listened to this man, mentally retarded, sing to the Lord about His timing.

My mentor and friend tells me, "Dani, it's not God's time, it's His timing." His time table is much more different from ours...i assume that is why reliance, trust, dependence on Him is necessary in our walk with the Lord.

But i would have so say-I do get a bit frustrated with His timing. I want Brooke to get well, I want the Lord to respond quicker with things going on in my life, I need this prayer to be answered now! However, His way is perfect (ps. 18), His timing is perfect.

I will never forget the song that guy sang the day in the foyer at church. For it was not his voice, it was the attitude of His heart that i was listening mostly to. He was confident in the Lord's timing. I, too, desire the same.

remember

You all should know i love elephants. One thing about elephants is they have a great memory. as i say "elephants always remember". In Ephesians 2 the word "remember" is mentioned over and over again. I just had to share some thoughts the Lord spoke to me about...
v.4 "But God, being rich in His mercy...made us alive with Christ."
v.11 "Therefore, remember".
v.12 "Remember that you were..."
Remembering humbles me, gives us a reality check if you will.
I'm grateful that the Lord is NOT my accuser by my advocate when it come to "remembering". I do remember where i have been but also more importantly remember the precious love that was shed on me, poured on me, lavished on me. I'm grateful...blessed because of His kindness and riches (v7).
v.13 "but NOW in Christ Jesus you who were formerly far off (remember), have been brought near by the blood of Christ."....wow, what a picture to capture.

i too, cannot help but remember when we found out brooke was autistic at the early age of 4. Now, as she is 11, i can't help but see how far the Lord has brought me only closer to Him thru my sufferings and loss. Remembering can be a very powerful aspect of our walk with Christ.

another visit

brooke will get to come home again at the end of the month. hopefully this one will be much better!

btw, gina...are you still there?

dearest brooke,

sweetie, i miss your face. i wish to see you tonight. you would be in your bed right now at home...but i don't get the chance to check on you. I know the Lord has you and is right there w/you as you sleep tonight. I hope you have a fun weekend. You make me smile! i miss you more than you know.
i love you, momma.

waiting

there's a freedom when waiting on the Lord

Relief...

This summer has been hot, has it not? we have been outside everyday with the boys, when brooke comes home for visits, we have gone hiking, exploring, to the pool---um, i think EVERYDAY, and we've gone to creeks to catch little fish. When we've been outside in the hot, we've just needed a bit of relief. Relief. such a small word...but it's something i've thought on a lot lately.

Just yesterday i went to a place to spend some time with God...just me and Him. Boy, was it ever so good. As i was sitting there in the sun...looking over a beautiful river (Tennessee, i may add), i got soooo hot! It was tempting to just jump in. Near by i had an ice chest....i opened it up and grabbed my frozen water. Boy! Relief. I just put my tongue on it...and it was like my whole body felt it's coolness. As it melted just a drop hit my chest and once again the word came to my mind "relief". Now, you may think...what the heck is she talking about today--she has lost her mind.

A while back ago a dear friend of mine told me "a little encouragement from the Lord goes a long way". People may give encouragement (and boy, is it needed), and other things in life may ease the 'relief' in your life...however, just a drop, just a hint, just a word, just a dab, just a glimmer of His encouragement goes along way. I'm able to go further, move faster, or even wait longer.

Just a drop of the water on my tongue went a long way yesterday in the heat. Relief!

Better yet, I recieved relief from the Lord yesterday becasue of His encouragement He gave.

I hope you can find the time to do the same.

recent photos

2 Chron. 20.12

"...For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on You".

I've spent the last couple of weeks facing loss, surprising victories, unexpected gifts, sadness, vast armies, unexplained peace, and answered prayers. I really don't even know how to start this journal entry...i have a field of emotions and thoughts racing thru my mind and heart as i type. However, this verse comes to mind. There are many things we are facing right now...too much to type and too intimate to share; however, as God's word says "we do not know what to do." Have you felt that way before...so many things at your feet...you have difficult dicisions to face, vast armies at your doorway, and a grief that never seems to leave you alone? Yet, i love what the latter part says: "but our eyes are on You." Peace. Oh, the Peace. The fight has already been won. It does not dismiss the pain, or the loss i may be experiencing. But it's in Him holding me, and knowing my eyes are on Him that brings the peace in the midst of pain. These past 2 weeks have been hard. Before, i would have ran (in every capacity). However, the Lord has been my sustainer. Yes, there are still choices to make, hard choices to make. There are still losses from friendships that i had cherished, there are still armies at my feet desiring me to fall. But my eyes are on Him.

Adding to that, Brooke's visit at home was hard. Her behaviors outweighed her "good" moments. Going to the mall--was walking in--then walking back out because it was just "too much" for her. Shower time too. It just seemed too much for her to handle. Slapping, hitting, bitting herself and others were her ways of escape. Walking at the park with her on Thursday was like walking towards a vast army too much for her to handle. We left. We had to give her medication (twice) to help calm her. I believe it did not work. "We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on You." I cried taking her back. Leaving her at Glenwood was difficult to do. I hugged her, as she let me. I did not want to let her go. Time stopped.

time goes. as i wept on the way down to glenwood a friend of mine read scripture to me over the phone. Ps. 18 came to mind. "His way is perfect". Sometimes, it's hard to see that when you are a mother. your daughter sick. thinking the solution would be "mom". she can fix anything. I, however, can simply do nothing...i'm a bit powerless...a bit in need...a bit overwhelmed by autism and the greatness of it. Yet, "His way is perfect". And so it goes. So it goes that God is in control and i SIMPLY am not. once again, i'm faced with the passage in chron....we are powerless before this "_________" (fill in the blank). yet, our eyes are on You...b/c you are in control, because your way is perfect, because....and...so it goes.

walking w/me

i'm not ready to share my thoughts as of yet; however, the Lord is my comfort. He is my sustainer and shield. He is walking closely with me and brooke today.

the return

all day long we struggled with the thought of taking brooke back to school. i just got home from what seemed like...the long drive. i have a heavy heart and a yearning for Jesus to hold me tonight. (more information on the visit tomorrow)

brooke.

brooke has had a hard day at home.

in the psalms

i'm in need of His comfort. i'm staying in the psalms for a bit to recapture, rethink, hibernate--if you will, hope, imagine, pray, pray some more, and then pray even more. my heart is heavy and i'm just in need of Jesus. I'm reaching!

my next posting will be after brooke leaves on saturday.

unexpected....

a dear friend of mine told me once..."when you are having your quiet time with the Lord, just go...and be w/Him. It's not that you have to "hear" from God...or get something wonderful and powerful from Him, but just being w/Him is all He wants; however, when you do hear something from the Lord, all man, it's the unexpected gift".

recently, the Lord gave me an unexpected gift far to valuable to describe. It is precious when the Lord gives you something you feel like you don't deserve, or may be even something you think you don't want. But He gives it. i never saw it coming. However, what God brought to me was valuable. I love the unexpected. the undescribed.

school starts back up on wednedsay for Josiah. i'll take ethan w/me to get brooke. Then ethan starts up on Thrusday. we are excited! I'm sure God will give some unexpected gifts this week...and i'll treasure those moments, the unexpected!
(thanks fred)

in the solitude

listening, reading, writing things out. i'm in a solitude. as mark 6 talks about: going out to a lonely place. I need some time...
brooke will be home wednesday. i'm excited for her arrival.

our grief

i cannot believe it is august 1.

I had something on my mind this morning, that i wanted to share out loud. grief. what a word, right. it carries many different emotions. this past week a dear friend of mines husband passed away. grief. this week i will say goodbye (for now) to a friend going into another ministry. grief. this week i witnessed seeing my daughter wanting to go w/me out the door of her school. grief.
i have experienced alot of grief this week, but not only this week, but in the past years. i've covered up my grief because i thought i was "above that", its not okay to do so, i must be strong, so-to-speak. However, in doing so, i messed up things even more than they were. just adding to my grief.
if, by chance, you are grieving today, allow the Holy Spirit to allure you into Himself and disclose Himself to you like only He can do. Life is full of pain, suffering, and hardship. I know that one too well. But to encourage you, as i, myself, am encouraged by this. Take heart, my friend, and know He is there, He cares for you more than many sparrows, His thoughts of you out weight the numbers of the sand, He desires to walk w/you in your grief...and as He does You will experience His fullness. You will experience His love. You will experience His comfort and kindness to you. So, never cover up your grief, but allow Him to minister to you in your grief, loss, pain, and suffering. Your relationship with Him will be sweeter than honey!

looking forward

wednesday (6th), brooke will be home for a couple of days. i cannot wait!

the iep went well, thanks for all those that prayed or thought of us. i did not get to see brooke. she was having a rough morning...and after the meeting they had gone out on an outing to the park.

today, i got a call from them saying another client had bitten her arm pretty good. it hurt me for her...i wanted to rush down and see her and just bring her home, but i could not. I hope she her little arm heals quickly....Lord Jesus, go quickly to aid and abide w/her as she sleeps.

what gives one hope?

-knowing today will turn into tomorrow

-knowing soon we will be spending eternity w/Jesus

-knowing that who i am today will not be who i will be with Jesus

-knowing one day brooke will finally say "momma" and know what that really means

-knowing the stars in the sky each are named by God

-knowing peace when you put your head on your pillow at night

-knowing friends that know things about you and still offer mercy to you

-knowing God has treasures in store for me-for me to have

-knowing that Jesus protects me-even when i don't know it

-knowing His mercies are new every morning

my favorite word in the Bible is Hope. there is a passage in Romans 5 that says "'and Hope does not disappoint". Tonight i'm hanging on to that truth. I'm tired. Weary. Heart-broken; yet, i have hope...and my God will not disappoint me. This I know...this is what gives me hope.

IEP/fresh air

IEP stands for individual education plan. Wednesday i'll be traveling back down for her meeting. i will not be able to see brooke that day, she has a dentist appointment and she will be kinda "out of it". these meetings are always important to us. they give a foundation of where she is and how we want her to improve in the next year. This past year we have seen little improvement, so we may have to go back a few steps in order for her to go forward. the meetings are almost always an emotional time for me as i see, hear, read where she is mentally. I'll be going alone for Wednesdays are always a hard time for Bill to get out of the office, especially for a meeting as such...for sometimes, they can be lengthy.

it was great to see her yesterday. my friend, kim and i went to see brooke for a quick visit...hence the pictures on the blog prior. the entrance to the house and her "seat" are easy targets. once i opened the door, she saw me and almost instantly got up. wow. I didn't want to look away. that moment lit up my face! she started to smile and then as if it were a script in a movie we both (it seemed in slow motion) ran towards each other. the embrace (always awkward) was great! i was reminded of my relationship w/the Lord. Even though we don't see Him, we read His word, pray to Him, and feel His embrace in ways we cannot express (sometimes awkward). Whatever the case, when our eyes meet (because more than likely I've looked away from Him), it is like a breath of fresh air has entered my heart. I never want to look away!

sunday's visit at Glenwood

torn into

tonight, my heart is torn into pieces. brooke is suppose to be home w/us right now. sometimes, i wonder if she knows it's time for us to get her and we don't come because situations have come up we cannot get around. at any rate, i'm torn into tonight. this week has been a difficult week other than that of brooke. life just hurts sometimes and this week has been a week of hurts. however, the Lord is there...being there. just there. not "removing" the situation, but calmly walking/sitting with us until we are done crying, or when we need His embrace.

tonight was a special night. i was able to go out on a boat with a family in the late afternoon. it was nice to just do nothing, be with close friends. it's nice you don't have to explain/express anything, but just being in anothers company is another way God gives His comfort.

I can't wait to see your face brooke. you sure make me smile! i miss seeing it.

what's for dinner?

there are so many days i have missed w/o brooke being by my side. when she left for her first facility at age 7, i never expected for it to be this hard. today she was suppose to come home for a home visit. this visit has now been delayed. however, in the next couple of weeks, she be home. this picture is typical when she does come home. i'm ususally fixing dinner, and she stands beside me until its done. (she must like my food). she then runs to the table and waits til i put it on her plate for her to eat. i'm anticipating her standing w/me soon to see what's for dinner.

protection

i have thought of this word all day. protection.
Webster dictionary says it this way: "supervision or support of one that is smaller and weaker". I know the Lord sees Brooke, holds her, watches expectantly over her...but this description of the supervisor brings to me a different look. i use to help my dad work on projects around the house. sometimes plumbing, sometimes putting shingles on a roof, sometimes the smallest thing of picking up leaves and putting them in a bag. my dad...just watched. i asked him from time to time, "why are you not helping?" his response was..."I'm supervising". i noticed, that my dad didn't move his eye off of me when i was doing a job, he was carefully observing if i did things correctly, and would correct me if it was done wrong. the same way, i know the Lord does this with brooke; however, differently. he carefully watches her--never budging. Protection. He is giving her support--support to the smaller and weaker. This gives me confidence, it gives me peace, and i know that because He does this (with us too), that He is madly in love with us. I'm grateful for His protection. grateful indeed!

His instruments

"your present circumstances that seem to be pressing so hard against you are the perfect tool in the Father's hand to chisel you into shape for eternity. So, trust Him and never push away the instrument He is using, or you will miss the result of His work in your life."
i read this--this morning. I loved the truth to this as i am walking in my journey with the Lord.

instruments can be used in many ways, and come in many ways. recently, God has put a couple of different instruments in my life to buff me, purify my thought life, give me encouragement, and sustain me. but the way the Lord uses His instruments are amazing. like the quote said...never push away the instrument. boy, in my life, i've wanted and have pushed away the one thing that was going to hurt me...because santification does hurt. however, Christ didn't run away from the one thing (cross) that was going to hurt Him. Stand firm, my friend. the end result is a blessing and an amazing relationship with God.

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as for brooke, she will not be coming home this week, which makes me sad. bill is going to be gone for some of that visit and we all want to see and visit with her. however, like i said, she will coming home in the few weeks. i will get to see her on the 30th for a IEP meeting. this, as always, is an important meeting as we make desicions for the next year concerning her behavior and education plan. please be in prayer for this.

thank you for your concern and well-being over her life. God is not finished with her and i am excited to see what God will show us thru my little instrument!

little river canyon

little river canyon is such a beautiful place. my friend kim and i went on a camping trip to northeast alabama for a couple days...making the most out of nature. hey, we didn't do so bad! we had wonderful food we made over an open fire (stuffed mushrooms, squash, potatoes, zucchini, and a marinated chicken too tender to eat...plus you can't forget the unforgetable "hamburger"). We also saw some sights i had never seen before. the beauty God created and does create w/in us is breathtaking! isn't like our Lord to give us things we don't deserve. it's in His character. and if we sit just for a moment and listen we can see it. it's Him. it always has been.

brooke update

wanted to give somewhat of an update on brooke. she has had somewhat of a bad few weeks. she's been having some accidents at night these can tend to be stressful. because some of the children had chicken pox the facility was closed down...and students were not allowed to leave the area. now that this is over...finally. they are able to get out and do things w/in the community.
unfournetly we will not be able to get brooke this neek week as scheduled. bill is going out of town to help out another church and i would left with the extra duties we share. with that said, we have arranged anther time for her to be home so that everyone can visit with her...i think it's the second week in August. maybe i can take her to see my parents...i know they would love to see her. Please continue to pray for her. Somethings you can pray specificly for are her understanding of things, that she would use her words to express herself. (she has a low limit vocabulary). thanks for your prayers....even though we have to wait an extra time to see her, i hope to get down there for a couple of hours to be w/her, take her to lunch,....and then maybe see a friend of mine in Atlanta, God willing. Blessings to you!

habitation

the past few days i have harbored in my heart a passage of scripture i memorized years ago. Ps. 71.3 says: "Be Thou my Rock and my Fortress whereunto I may continually resort; You have given commandment to save me, You are my Rock and my Fortress". this morning i came across this word from amy carmichael that drilled in this passage once again. it came as a comfort to me in the early mornings. She wrote:

"Perhaps we are allowed to feel our nothingness, so that we may in the depths of our heart understand those words "Without Me ye can do nothing." I think there was something of this in our Lord Jesus' mind when he told the story of one who had nothing to set before his friend--not a crumb--and it was midnight. He will give us not just crumbs, but loaves--"He will rise and give him as many as he needeth.""

i don't know about you, but i can't do it. i cannot live without Him...and believe me, i have tried. I just messed up things more than what they were. It's in knowing that i am helpless that makes me see the broader picture. i NEED to be reminded daily to rely on Him. my old nature gets in the way though...so, i do need to be reminded daily to rely on Him. sometimes it's moment by moment, other times minute by minute, and lots of times i go on...little by little. to be honest, i like it this way because no one can reach my wounded heart except Christ. when i'm with Him nothing else matters, my bread of need is given to me and i'm in complete habitation. It's a longing. A thirst. A hunger.

my warrior

a friend of mine reminded me a scripture i just love:

Exodus 14.14 "the Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still".

i love the thought of the Lord fighting on my behalf. i often feel as if i need to fight...fight off cravings, evil desires, my thought life...and so it goes. however, over time, i have learned that i cannot do this without the Lord's help. "you need only to be still". i'm the opposite of this, being still. thinking i can do it myself gets me in more trouble. pride. relying on the Lord to fight on my behalf is an encouragement to "hear", but putting it into practice and living this out daily is difficult until you try it. although i still need to be reminded (daily), that i cannot fight "things" off in my life, it's in the resting and in the being still that brings such peace; peace i hold on to.

He is my warrior. He gladly takes this responsibility and i love it!

busy

we have had a busy last couple of weeks. it's hard to believe we are in the middle of july. Brooke will be coming home in the next couple of weeks and i haven't been ever more ready! my world seems to stop revolving and it becomes all about her. i miss you brooke!

someday

there is a sign in brooke's room that says this saying, "someday my Prince will come". Brooke will never marry, but oh, she will dance with her Prince, Jesus one day. I long too, to dance with Him. grieving today.

not the same

the swing outside is empty.
there's no "dora" music singin' in the house.
brooke's bed is not messy.
biscuits are not made every morning.

our house is just not the same without you here sweetie. the lamp in your room will stay on (once again) until you come home for another visit.

in the garden

"and He walks with me, and He talks with me, and He tells me i am His own, and the joy we share as we tarry there none other has ever known"

i'm praying for you Brooke.

creek walking

overall, our weekend with brooke was a splash! we went to one of our favorite spots (the creek) on friday. brooke enjoyed walking in the water. i love this picture of us. i miss you, brooke, already.

display

We brought brooke home yesterday for a visit home. It has been great to have her home! As you all know i am all about a good storm. Last night we didn't get the storm, just lightening. i sat out on my swing watching the lightening pop in and out. It was great! God must have been thrilled about brooke coming home too, He gave us a great firework display!

(the Heavens do display His handiwork!)

looking forward

We are excited about our upcoming visit with Brooke. She'll be home on Wednesday and staying til Saturday. We plan on getting Brooke in the pool, taking some good walks, going to the parks to swing, and of course vegging by the t/v to watch her favorite shows.

We also are having a meeting on Wednesday with her staff.

Psalms 23

"He anoints my head with oil".
This passage has meant alot to me of late. I found this picture which illustrates this passage. The reason for the anointing of oil for a lamb is because bugs/insects get into the skin. The oil protects/heals the lamb from hurting and prevents bugs from irritating the area.
For me, it's personal...
I can just imagine, if you will, Him coming to me...as i'm resting in His pastures...and He comes up close to me, grabs my chin, and gently pours oil over my head. It's healing. It's personal. It's much more than just oil. It's Him.

Would You come, Shepherd, and anoint Brooke's head with oil.

(jason upton has a song called psalm. 23; a must to hear!)

being still and listening

never alone

I was reminded by a friend we are never alone. His presence is with us at all times, is He not? Sometimes, i wish we could see with spiritual eyes the presence of Himself. Would we not feel safer? Would we second-guess things? Would we believe more? Although we do not see Him...we believe in Him. His presence is what i want and desire; however, this is something as believers we already have. It is the constant encouragement that helps us "see" Him...it's the experiences we have with Him that make us "see" Him. Although I may feel alone...I am never alone.

I found this picture of Brooke walking alone under a covered bridge. Brooke, you are never alone.

us

a rare touch

psalms 71.3

"Be Thou my rock and habitation, whereunto i many continually resort. You have given commandment to save me."

it's raining here today, i love the rain. i'm safe in my habitation with my Lord.

more to say

i cannot get brooke off my mind tonight. seeing her today was difficult for me. she had so much anxiety written all over her face. she kept bitting her arm as a way of coping w/her stress. i wish i could have taken that away from her. when she left the appointment she just looked at me with a frown i do not see very often from her...big tears in her eyes. i felt as if she was saying to me...I need you mom, help me. Oh, Lord...please help her. i cannot. i am miles away from my little girl, now 5 feet tall. Comfort her fears like only You can. I don't even understand her fears, her anxiety, or pain....or autism. You do! We need you.

the group, Plumb sings a song called "My Child"...it's on my mind tonight as i cry thinking of her:

your eyes, my eyes, your smile, my smile, your love, my gain, your hurt, my pain, your laugh, my joy, every time, it's mine, You are my child. I will always protect you, oh and i will even let you go, i'll spend the sweetest time holding you , and i will let you grow, don't ever be afraid, cause i am here, and if you start to fear, just close your eyes, and hear me say, your love, my gain, your hurt, my pain, your laugh, my joy, every time, it's mine, You are my child.

being a mother to an autistic child is a gift...it's a challenge...a daily dying to self...sometimes overwhelming...sometimes you laugh your head off, sometimes you cry so much your eyes seem swollen, sometimes your pain is so great you cannot describe it to anyone else but God. Tonight, i'm there. No one knows like Jesus. No one!

appointment

Today was hard.

Brooke's visit home will be june 25-28.

my dearest brooke,

my mind is flooded w/thoughts of you, Brooke. it seems like forever since i've seen your face. i miss you dearly...i'm in your room as i write and there is such a void. you should be home. however, i know that God has you. Jesus has got you baby...and there is nothing i can do about it...in fact, i don't want to have anything to do about it...because His arms are the safest. With tears running down my face...i embrace the God who has both of us...knowing one day you will be well. You will be whole...and I can't wait for that moment...

it never gets easier. i'm ready to see you tomorrow.

between a rock and a hard place

Pressed beyond measure; yes, pressed to a great length;
Pressed so intensely, beyond my own strength;
Pressed in my body and pressed in my soul,
Pressed in my mind till the dark surges roll.
Pressure from foes, and pressure from dear friends.
Pressure on pressure, til life nearly ends.

Pressed into knowing no helper but God;
Pressed into loving His staff and His rod.
Pressed into liberty where nothing clings;
Pressed into faith for impossible things.
Pressed into living my life for the Lord,
Pressed into living a Christ-life outpoured.
(streams in the desert)

I am here in the pressing, and like Natilee Grant sings "I will not be moved."

friends...

lately i've seen some old friends...there is nothing like them! i gotta say, not only has it been my God that has gotten me thus far in life, but dear friends. There is nothing like them! Thank you to my friends (you know who you are)...for your prayers, comfort, listening ears, and just your faithfulness thru the years.
A friend loves at all times. Proverbs 17.17

rett's meeting

As you know Brooke has a rare form of Autism called Rett's. I have enclosed a fact sheet for those that are interested. (Brooke is in stage 3). Every 6 months brooke sees a specialist. To me, this meeting is always very important. Next thursday is her meeting. Brooke does not show all the characterisitcs of retts; however, it seems to me, she is showing more signs each year. Important decisions will take place at this particular meeting. would you join us in prayer as we seek wisdom from her doctor.

www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/rett/detail_rett.htm

some have wondered

"so, why butterflies?"

Brooke's middle name is Renee'. Renee means 'Born Again.' The Caterpillar turning into a Butterfly have most often been referred to in this way...which also is the expression of the Christian.

hard...

...to believe that it's only june 1 and i have to wait til the end of the month before another home visit. i wish the time was already here.

Jesus...hold my little girl in Your arms. Calm her fears and anxiety. I miss her so much and i know that no one can comfort her as You can. Would you come and comfort me too?

quote

bill graham wrote:

the happiness which brings enduring worth to life is not the superficial happiness that is dependent on circumstances. it is the happiness and contentment that fills the soul even in the midst of the most distressing circumstances and the most bitter environment. it is the kind of happiness that grins when things go wrong and smiles through the tears. the happiness for which our souls ache is one undisturbed by success or failure, one which will root deeply inside us and give inward relaxation, peace, and contentment, no matter what the surface problems may be. that kind of happiness stands in need of no outward stimulus.

loved reading that the other day. an old sunday school teacher from college has been encouraging me on, in my journey w/brooke (life...for that matter). one thing i've learned from her is this...my baggage bag can now be used as a tool bag. even though life is difficult and hard and...we could go on and on...turn it around. it is so common for us to take the ugly and bad and curse God; however, it is the one who knows the Lord that accepts struggles as gain and as a way of knowing Him and making Him known to others. (philippians 1). This is the life i desire!

our hike

lingering moments

Brooke left today to go back to school. Overall, it was a precious and busy visit. (i will have pictures of our visit coming soon).

There was one thing that stood out all weekend.

Last night i was home alone w/brooke...we were just nestled in the bed watching "Dora." I looked over and her eyes were getting heavy. Leaning over, I pushed her hair back from her eyes and caressed her cheek as she closed her eyes. Just looking into her face, i imagined Jesus doing the same w/me. Him seeing the heaviness in my eyes He reaches towards me, pulling my hair back from my eyes and touching my cheek...to consul, embrace me, or to just be near me, knowing His peace--i just close my eyes and rest. It was a sweet moment...one that will linger for days to come.

Thank you Jesus for touching my life, healing my heart, and being near me.

today we went on a hike...brooke did well for the first half, but she was ready to go on our way back in. Sometimes i see how evident it is for her to be at Glennwood...other times i see how wonderful it would be to have her home. it's frustrating...very, very frustrating.

for the most part she has been all smiles...and that just makes my day!

longest hug

today after i got home with brooke...she went to her favorite place in our house...our bedroom. She looked up at me and i asked her for a hug. She reached her arms around me and time stood still. The best day ever!

peace on EVERY side

I mentioned earlier that i've been learning more about God's peace. In 2 Chronicles 20 it says...

12 O our God, will you not judge them? For we have no power to face
this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are
upon you." 15 He said: "Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the LORD says to you: `Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's. 16Tomorrow march down against them. They will be climbing up by the Pass of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the gorge in the Desert of Jeruel. 17 You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.' 18 Jehoshaphat bowed with his face to the ground, and all the people of Judah and Jerusalem fell down in worship before the LORD.

if you read on, the Lord did fight the battle for them and they were slain. I love verse 30 though...

30 And the kingdom of Jehoshaphat was at peace, for his God had given him rest on every side.

God gave them rest (peace) on every side. What a wonderful picture. I read this recently and it was comforting:

"The safest sailor is certainly not one who has never weathered a storm. Wouldn't you want an experienced sailor at the critical post? Oh, how everything gives way when affliction first comes upon us. The clinging stems of our hopes are quickly snapped, and our heart lies overwhelmed and prostrate, like a vine the windstorm has torn from its trellis. But once the initial shock is over an we are able to look up and say, "it is the Lord" (John 21.7), faith begins to lift our shattered hopes once more and securely binds them to the feet of God. The final result is confidence, safety, and peace." Yes, peace ON EVERY SIDE!

Even though the pain, loss, grief is there....there is a peace on every side that i cannot and will not deny. For, "it is the LORD."

finally time/pray

Brooke will be home thrusday til monday. Finally!! It seems like forever since i've seen her smile. It will be good to have her home. This will be the longest visit we have had with her since she went into Glenwood's program. A quick update on her: she hasn't been eating well at school and her behaviors are sporadic.

Please pray for her development and behaviors. We have some important doctor appointments for her coming up soon...and we will have to make some decisions. thank you for your support, prayers, and love.

books

Just recently, someone asked me what books have been of help to me. I wanted to share just some of them. Of course God's Word has meant everything to me and tons and tons of journeling; however, the persective of others have been very helpful. Hope they will help you as well.

Walking With God On The Road You Never Wanted To Travel/Atteberry
Why/Lotz
Calm My Anxious Heart/Dillow
Recovering From The Losses Of Life/Wright
Breaking Free/Moore
The Valley Of Vision
Streams In The Desert

peace

I've been leaning heavily on this word lately! I'll be writing more about this. However, for now, i know that the peace of man is way different from the peace of God.

your never far from my thoughts. i miss you brooke! Jesus has got you baby.

calling out...

everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. Joel 2.32

"my situation is urgent, and i cannot see how i will ever be delivered. Yet this is not my concern, for He who made the promise will find a way to keep it. My part is simply obey His commands, not to direct His ways. I am His servant, not His advisor. I call upon Him and He will deliver me." (streams in the desert)