doctor update:

brooke went to the doctor today. her leg is improving! she will go back in 4 weeks to get the pins taken out and then a shorter cast will be put back on. she'll wear that for a while and then she'll wear a walking cast.

she has started some school work in her home (which she just loves..j/k). all other signs of fractures are not an issue anymore.....and we are grateful. these pictures are of her today as we drove to the doctor. she seemed happy. (i think it was because katy is saying "thank you" so much...that it makes her smile, sorry...little inside joke!)

to whom it may concern:

today i got a bit of a surprise from someone i did not expect...Brooke. She sent me an arrangement of beautiful flowers and the following words were written. I know someone had something to do w/this...so to whomever it concerns; you have NO idea! Thank you.

doctors visit/recent photos

yesterday brooke went back to the doctor about her leg. they did have to cut a portion of the cast, reposition her leg, recast a very small area to make sure it grows correctly. she is recovering really well...i'm getting a chance to see her everyday---which i love! next week we will be on break and i'll get to spend more time w/her while the boys are at school. right now she is enjoying the TV...however, i have heard she'll be getting back into a routine w/school next week. also, she'll go back to the doctor next week to make sure her leg is growing as they like. she is in a chipper mood!

bouncing back

i saw brooke today, but forgot my camera. she looked really well. the staph infection on her head is being treated. she will see her orthopedic doctor tomorrow to make sure the bone structure is holding up well. (let's hope it is). i'll update more tomorrow after the doctor visit.

as i went by the site where the accident happened thousand of things flew in my mind. as you may guess by now, i'm not disclosing any personal information on this site of what happened; however i will say it's amazing me that Brooke bounced back and is doing so well. we all have long road of recovery, but once again, grateful for Brooke's staff at TLT and their dedication to her and us.

letter:

i read this in my time with the Lord this morning after i posted...it went along so well w/what i had said previously, that i just had to share:

"she (brooke) knows Me so intimately, and trusts Me so completely, that she no longer depends on My voice, loving glances, or other outward signs to know of My approval. She is not dismayed or discouraged by any circumstances I arrange for her to encounter. She trusts me when common sense, reason, and even every subtle instinct of the natural heart would rebel, knowing that I am preparing her for eternity, and realizing that the understanding of what i do will come later"--Jesus

if i only had a heart like hers! brooke you amaze me and you inspire me to go on! You are courageous and brave.

wonder:

brooke,

i wonder what your thinking as you lay on your bed. i wonder if you remember your past week. i wonder if you remember me sleeping beside you in your hospital bed. i wonder what you would say to those who have helped you, prayed for you, and sat beside you day after day. i wonder what pictures you paint in your head/what you dream about at night. i wonder what you think that "green" thing is on your leg. I wonder and wonder...

what do you wonder about? i wish i could answer your questions. One day sweetie, it'll all be made known and we won't have to wonder anymore! To see you in Jesus' arms is a day I hope in and a day i dream about! i love you up to the moon! momma

sunday visit

our sunday visit went really well. she is recovering well and that makes me happy. she pretty much lays in her bed all day b/c of the fractures she has on the left side of her body. she is getting spoiled!!! i'll send more pictures soon...and even a video, as soon as molly shows me how. (hint to you mg).

everyone is home!

brooke got back home saturday afternoon from the hospital and is adjusting well. I was with her and she pointed at he cast saying "what's that"? thought that was funny. i'll be taking pictures of her today--so you can see her "bright" green cast.

bill and i got home last night from the conference i help out with in Huntsville (www.awakenmyheart.com). it's nice to be home...it's nice for everyone to be home! we go back to work today after being w/brooke for a little over a week. it'll be good to get back into routine. i've missed the girls at the home. it'll be nice knowing brooke is just down the road so i can pop in/out whenever i get a chance to.

again, thank you for your continuous prayers in her recovery. We Praise the Lord for all He has done and we give Him the glory...It's all about HIM!.

back again....

brooke is back in the hospital again. her white blood count is up with high fever. they will be putting her on some antibiotics and making sure everything is okay.

it's hard, for i am now 6 hours away speaking at a woman's conference. however, knowing she is in good hands. Please continue to pray for her recovery. Thank you!!

friday morning

brooke is going to the doctor this morning for her high fever...they will just draw some blood to find out what is going on.


(this is the best way i can communicate to all of those who are concerned w/brooke, so sorry if i seem a bit distant). The blog is the best way to know what is going on.
Thank you for your prayers and love.

fever:

Please pray brooke gets relief from fever. we believe it it because she still is having some pain...also we are having to move her around alot to change diapers and to make sure she does not get bed sores. this may be causing her to have some fever. She does have a long road of recovery. i am hoping the fever does fade out fast. thank you for your prayers.

new morning!

it's a new day and we are OUT of the hospital!!! I've already talked w/her staff this morning and she did really well during the night. I'll be seeing her this morning before i leave. it'll be hard to leave her after being w/her around the clock....but confident she is in great hands!


His mercies are NEW every morning....Great is HIS faithfulness!! (lamentations 3)

brooke is home

today was a day of transition...brooke was able to go to her group home this afternoon. getting her in the van was an adventure, but we all (6 or 7) got her in. thanks to the Learning Tree Staff for your helping hands, we could not have done this w/o you. They got her chick-fi-la, a nice shower, some meds, Toy Story 2....and off to bed. i hope she sleeps well. i will miss sneaking in the bed w/her while nurses come in and out of the room. (by the way, brooke's nurse looked just like Brooke White, for all you American Idol fans. i got my picture made w/her....it was very funny!) It was cool though...when we got down stairs for the surgery she asked, "may i pray for her"....it was precious indeed.

we are all tired. i'm leaving tomorrow for an Awaken (www.awakenmyheart.com) womans conference. i'll be teaching on "brokenness"...hum, how appropriate! I'm broken, and Brooke has been broken. She sure taught me some lessons this weekend. what a brave little girl. she steals my heart. my post may be few for a few days while i'm traveling.

I especially want to thank Jennifer and Katy. You guys amaze me and have gone over and beyond your call of duty. May God richly bless you beyond what you can imagine or think. Love you both!

amazed

i'm so amazed at brooke. i consider her to be very courageous! i admire her beauty.

surgury situation:

brooke's surgury went well today-the doctor did mention it was a bit tougher spot than he thought. he did have to put pins in to stablize the area. the cast goes up almost to her hip. i'm not sure when we will leave the hospital, i guess we will know more about that tomorrow (wedneday). in recovery she pulled out her IV and got extrememly frustrated...probably b/c of the pain. she is sleeping well tonight and i hope she can dwindle down off the pain meds wednesday.

again, thank you for your prayers/concerns! i'm so grateful for them and you!

tuesday update:

we are all set for surgury for today before noon. we are not sure if she will have to have pins/plates/or just a cast on her leg...that will be determined by the surgeon. Brooke started to smile yesterday afternoon...which made us all happy and excited to see. I was able to sleep beside brooke last night in hospital bed. i haven't gotten to do that in several months, it was good to have a sleepover...even though the circumstances are not what i expected. I am grateful the Lord is restoring her health and i am confident He will continue to.

I spoke w/a dear friend this morning and as she read Psalms 18 to me, my heart was encouraged knowing His ways are perfect....we don't understand them, but they are. I'm grateful to know and to believe this wonderful promise.

there are several people to thank: all those that have been praying for brooke's recovery! wow. you have no idea. bill and i have felt the prayers...we are eternally grateful! Learning Tree staff...you guys have been great and have been there every step of the way...the burden has been lifted knowing you guys are here and have been 24/7. Sonrise Baptist Church and Wooley Springs...thank you for lifting brooke up in prayer, and last but not least...the Children's Home staff...you are precious family and we love you...thank you for your prayers and presence!

these are some pictures from last night and then this morning before surgury

Monday update:

we are still in ICU. Brooke will have surgury on her leg on Tuesday morning. There were some concerns w/her spleen...but it looks as if everything is going to okay there. She has various fractures but all seems to be healing well in there on time. She seems to be having a bit more comfort (unless disturbed by doctors/nurses) ha/....otherwise she is resting well. you are welcome to call my cell or txt us. thank you for your prayers.
after surgury she will go back to ICU. her cast will be full leg and she will be in a wheelchair for about 6 weeks.

hurting:

these past few days have been a bit tough. brooke is in the hospital with a broken leg and other injuries. please pray for her in her recovery. She is still in ICU. She has surgury on Monday or Tuesday. She is doing okay--but seems a bit confused and helpless. I love you baby...Jesus has got you baby!!!

thoughts:

"She holds no complaint for the life that she’d known." (jackie)

if you read the previous poem by my friend, you read this line. this statement struck a cord w/me. As i think about Brooke's life, from a mother's point of view", it does appear as if she has had no compliants for the life she has known; perhaps because she knows no other life.

two things from this phrase.
first: i thought of this from a salvation standpoint. We don't miss what we have never known. I don't know who reads this blog...but if you do not know Jesus Christ and have a personal relationship with Him let me encourage you to search...for you will find Him! Before I came to believe in Jesus, i did not know any other way of life--except that of my own.

second: i don't know what brooke knows or does not know. i've always said, "i wish i could get in her head for just 1 minute". Her life has changed many, mine being one. Her life has given me my "life" back...and has forced me into a world with Jesus i may not have gone otherwise.

like us all our lives are "fearfully and wonderfully made"

Sing, Dance, Praise

By Jackie

For Brooke

Sing, Dance, Praise

Our brown eyed girl sits glued to the glass.
What has caught her attention?
What makes the stare last?
I look through the window.
I see nothing at all.
She smiles and she giggles as a leaf gently falls.

She is watching the dance and learning to sing
As nature performs the praise of the King.
The movement is smooth and the song flows in the trees.
Some day she’ll remember when she bows at His knees.
He’ll ask her to do what she ne’er done before.
There’ll be a hush in the Heaven’s as she crosses the floor.

She’ll sing Him a song of redemption and grace.
She’ll know He approves by the smile on His face.
She’ll flow with the movements she saw in the grasses.
And she’ll dance at His feet while eternity passes.
She knows that He loved her and blessed her with gifts.
She saw things of Heaven that others all missed.

Her praise will be open and silenced no more.
For she heard them declare “Glory” in the waves on the shore.
She holds no complaint for the life that she’d known.
Souls came to know to Jesus in the love that was shown.
He’ll hug her so tight, His bride she shall be.
Our brown eyed girl, so “special” is she.

(this was sent to me by a dear friend of mine...thank you jackie, it encouraged my heart!)

cottage visit pictures

finally.

today brooke came over for a little while. she smiled the whole time she was w/us...my parents are here so they got to enjoy her...and they took tons of pictures (which i will have tomorrow). taking her back to the home she stays....she kicked the gravel and yelled out some words i could not make out. it appeared she did not want to return. tonight i hurt for her...and wish she could have stayed longer/spent the night. soon and very soon. but finally we got to touch her and hold her and she reached out and grabbed my hand and held it...not long, but oh how precious it was. grateful!

still

i still want to hold your hand. I miss your face and want to see you so bad! hopefully everyone will start feeling better soon so we can see you and you can come over and play.

Jesus has got you, baby.

a touch

i wanta hold your hand!

btw, if you notice, i have 2 orange rubber bracelet's on my wrist. those were given to me by my youngest, ethan. He told me 1 was for me and the other one was for Brooke. He said, "since brooke doesn't wear it, you can for her". oh man....compassionate heart.

i miss your hands brooke!

bummed

we did not get brooke for a sleepover. most of the campus she is at has had a "bug", so we decided another day would be better. got the news yesterday and it just killed the inside of me. she has not had an overnight visit since the end of September.

i miss you brooke, and you are just 4 miles away. i'll be coming to see you very soon!

nothing more to say.

sleepover!

it's time....we've waited 90 days plus...for a sleep over w/brooke and it's finally here! tomorrow night we will get her for dinner and she'll go back after supper on saturday! we are all excited to see her. she'll be painting, watching dora, eating chik-fi-la, handing out w/her brothers, and of course my favorite....i get to share the bed w/her! i'm so excited...it's going to be good!!! there will be many pictures to follow!!!

alone w/God...

I read this this morning...

When He was alone...the twelve asked Him about the parable. Mark 4.10

"When God gets us alone through suffering, heartbreak, temptation, disappointment, sickness, or by thwarted desires, a broken friendship, or a new friendship--when He gets us absolutely alone, and we are totally speechless, unable to ask even one question, then He begins to teach us." (chambers)

I'm here.

break

well, thursday we have our first break at the Children's Home. that means we go off for a few days (4), and have some R&R. I haven't been able to do much on the blog because i don't have access to my other computer w/all the photos on them. However, i hope to give a full update this weekend.

Brooke did come to the cottage this past weekend and had dinner w/us. it was so good for her to be in our world....instead of us being in hers. she did really well. she mostly hung out w/josiah and ethan in their room...and enjoyed homemade pizza (molly style)....with some ice-cream.

This weekend i hope to have her over and maybe spend the night, i hope to have her paint some pictures...and just enjoy being together!

Praise

give thanks to Him and Praise His name! ps. 100.4

He is in full control and i'm grateful for it! Thanks be to Him...

missing brooke

i've been able to see brooke so much since we have been here. tonight i went over...she was finishing up her meal. she's gaining weight and gaining improvements. the girls at the cottage want to meet her, so i hope to bring her over at some point when there is a down time. even though she is just miles down the road, i want her here w/me. i guess that won't come for a long while now and that hurts. i'm missing her tonight. Jesus has got you baby.

a new year!

Happy New Year!

we are all moved in and getting things adjusted; however, i do not have computer access right now, so i cannot update brooke's blog for a bit. She is doing well. We have been able to see her everyday and it's been nice to drive down the road to give her a hug. i'll have lots of pictures/info to share when we get hooked up to the computer.

God's Blessings to you and yours this year!

our move.

we are now near brooke...just a few miles down the road! grateful. we will spend Christmas w/her tomorrow....it didn't work out today.

i wanted to express to our "wooley" folks just how much i appreciate them. their kindness to brooke and our family is too deep in words to express. thank you so much for the investment! i'm know it does not go un-noticed, even now!
you are loved and have a special place in my heart.

inspired

when i look up "inspire" in the dictionary, i see words like: influence, impel, motivate, affect. My 11-year old daughter has inspired me me in numerous ways. she has a mind of a 18 month old, the voice of a babbling baby, and the heart of a princess, compelling me to dream further than i would have ever imagined.
i did not think i could ever relate to a child w/special needs. however, she has forced me out of my comfort zone to reach out to those who see with a different perspective. brooke has encouraged me to believe that God is able and the she is capable. brooke has influenced me to love unconditionally without regrets. with enthusiasm and laughter she gives awkward kisses and hugs for no reason at all. looking in her eyes i am driven to keep searching for answers about her until i know the reason behind her smiles. brooke has inspired me to dive into hope. because of therapy, brooke gains new words on a somewhat regular basis, making what before seemed out of reach : reachable. a new word such as "book" may be easy for a 20-month old, but when brooke says it, it is amazing! with this new perspective she has given me, simple words have become something i celebrate. brooke has taught me to appreciate the baby steps no matter how small or trivial they may seem.
daily i'm exposed to an unknown world, a new idea, and a challenging adventure. brooke gives me a vision that cannot be described with words. because of that, i am motivated by faith, hope, and, more importantly, love...to continue pressing forward in an experience others may call hopeless. she has taught me it really is the simple things after all.

swaddled

My close friend Robin wrote something to me the other day i just have to share (w/her permission):

"Every Christmas my faith is inspired and my heart revived by some aspect of the coming of Christ. I ask each year for God to let me enter the scence in a new way. This year I have pondered the swaddling of His tiny body.

When my children were born my sister in law who is a doctor taught me the art of swaddling. To swaddle a baby, as most moms know, you take great care to tuck the blanket perfectly around the tiny arms and legs recreating the security of the womb. The arms and legs can no longer flail about in the new found freedom created by birth.

I wonder how the coldness of this world felt to Christ as he entered the manger scene. I wonder how the blankets felt around His little arms and legs. Called away from the constant swaddling of heaven to be wrapped in the grasp of those who would provide Him "less than" love for 30 years. How long did it take Jesus, the person, to recognize the difference in the unhindered love of the heavenly realm and the hindered love of this world? to experience the inadequacies of a mom's embrace compared to that of Abba?

I am so thankful that in the midst of a world of "less than" that God is faithful to swaddle us and remind us of "more than". I pray that this year we allow Him to swaddle us, in times of insecurity, celebration, anger, misunderstanding or any other challenge of living away from Home. To think about Jesus swaddled in the manger reminds me of why God came as a baby... to remind us that He desires to wrap us in His love and provide all that we need."

wow! powerful words i thought. there were many things i thought of when i read this...but to keep this about Brooke, i thought of the Lord swaddling her...and it just brought much comfort! There is NOTHING like being touched by God; futhermore, swaddled.

Just a word

I hope you all have a Merry Christmas....

"isn't it amazing the way He came....no crown, no thrown, no big parade", just a manager...in an old town. O come let us adore Him.

you have NO idea...

I'm a bit lonely and it seems selfish to even say that when Brooke will be spending Christmas without us. Lonely?! I don't know what she thinks...maybe sometimes i do not want to know. However, i'd love to know what she thinks about a Christmas tree, baby Jesus, Christmas lights and wrapped presents everywhere, Chrismas songs and different types of food only to be shared this season. I wonder.

This is a "tender" time for me and in a lot of ways. recently it hit me...I've always thought Brooke needs me....and yes, she does...but i think the thing i've thought mostly about is just how much i am in need of her. I want her for Christmas...nothing else.

I cannot wait to be near you sweetie! I'm so thankful that "Jesus has got you".

hushed

i love this picutre! Psalms 107 has held such deep meaning to me in the past few weeks, and seeing this picture the other day I had to share. i could go in more detail...but for this one, i'm just going to leave alone. For the scripture itself expresses exactly where i am. Trusting God in the midst of the storm is allowing me to experience for tough lessons. My storm is by far over, yet, w/the promise of this verse I'm hanging on!

(thanks danielle-you have NO idea)

update:

needing to be quiet for awhile. we are busy packing, seeing family and friends...and just needing some alone time with the Lord to process all what is going on in my world. I'll share updates when i get some breathing room.

Jeremiah 29.11

wishes

brooke, i wish i knew what you really wanted for Christmas.

hanging

I am hanging onto Isaiah 40!

enough

webster expresses the word enough this way...

"enough : occurring in such quantity, quality, or scope as to fully meet demands, needs, or expectations synonyms...sufficient."

in my car i have a little sign that says "dani, I AM enough"! This statement came to me at a difficult moment and it remains there today as a reminder that He is enough. There can be no one like Him, He is sufficient...as as "web" puts it, He is fully able to meet demands, needs, or even, yes, expectations. i'm finding myself at a point where not only am I reading this statement over and over again, i need Him to implant it in my brain!

I do know He is enough. He has proven that to me in the past...but somedays it's harder to see than others.

I know too, He is enough for Brooke...meeting every need she has that I, as a mother, cannot provide or give her. Trusting comes in to play with this...so i guess it boils down to this one question...

"dani, will you trust me, knowing I AM enough for you"? ouch!

God storms

as the weeks dwindle down til we get down to mobile I feel as if i were in a storm. A close friend of mine calls it a "God storm" where it's something you just cannot explain or express to anyone. I have more thoughts on this God Storm i'm in...mostly emotional whirlwind.


Storms, if you know me, i just love! they bring change, newness, destruction (not so fun), but mostly intense change. The intensity is here and coming...leaving, loving, losing, liberty, and letting go being a few....whatever the case God is in it...and i'm walking in faith thru this storm as He walks with me thru it. I've been staying in Psalms 107....great comfort.

just a story...

there is so much i want to share in this post but decided to share a story that i recently read that brought much encouragement to me:

"I once hear the story of a mother who brought a crippled boy w/a hunched back into her home as a companion for her own son. She warned her son to be very careful not to refer to the other boys' deformity, since this was a sensitive matter to him. And she encouraged him to play with his new friend as if he were a normal child. But after listening to her son play with him for a few minutes, she heard him ask his companion. "Do you know what this is on your back?" The crippled boy was embarrassed, hesitated a moment, but before he could respond, his friend answered him by saying, "It is the box that holds your wings, and someday God is going to break it open, and you will fly away to be an angel."

This picture (which someone recently gave us) reminds me of this story in regards to brooke, knowing one day--as she sees Jesus....this will be her response to HIM.

appointments

Brooke has had many doctor appointments this week...checking out everything under the sun! As far as i know she has done well, some anxiety-but to be expected. She'll be getting a haircut soon. (hum, wish i could be a fly on the wall for that one). I'm thankful--over the years where we live here a dear friend, Erin, would come to our house and play w/her as she cut her hair. Thank you Erin for your patience w/Brooke over all these years. You will be missed...in more ways than just that.

We will not be spending Christmas w/Brooke which saddens my heart. However, on the 29th I'll get to see her and take her some things she might enjoy.

I miss you baby-Jesus has got you!

so, why are we moving?

It should be no surprise to know we wanted to be closer to brooke. after all 6 hours away is DISTANCE. and tough distance it is. Oct. 21 i went to see Sara Groves in concert. Sara is one of my favorite Christian songwriters and singers. So i went, not knowing anything except to just listen, be still, and worship. it was much more than that for me. this was just not your usual concert. they were allowing the public to know something that i was somewhat unaware of...sexual trafficking in various countries/villages. i was blown away by the stories, rescue stories, stories of suffering, pain, ministry opportunities. during the concert a verse was read that captured my heart. Is. 1. 17 "learn to do good, seek justice, reprove the ruthless, defend the orphan, plead for the widow". just that verse alone spoke volumes to me as i sat there soaking in every word. i could not stop thinking..."Lord, what can i do, i can't even leave the state (b/c of brooke), what can i do to minister, help, comfort, support, etc..." we sang "rescue the perishing"....and once again the words to that song tug at the core of my heart and gave me a deeper compassion for a cause that was going un-noticed in some respects. i left the concert burdened. now that i've been in recovery (from various sufferings in my my own life) for a good while now, i too desire to reach out to those that are hurting, suffering, broken. it only added to the fire as i left this concert and heard what i heard.

i got up the next morning reading the text again to soak it all in. i went to my bible study (Bible Study Fellowship) and sat there with only this on my mind.....rescue, plead, defend, help, plead...i left bible study that morning with the intentions of calling the Alabama Baptist Children's Home. i did, but the one in Birmingham...they might have something. NOTHING. i was encouraged to call the other 2 facilities. It took me 30 minutes to call the Mobile campus. They put me on the phone with the director. with a few things on my mind i shared w/him and then asked him if they had any openings for houseparents. his response was music to my ears. "dani, as of TODAY we are in need of houseparents". i responded with 'you have got to be kidding me"! we talked more and i got off the phone to pick it right back up again to talk to bill. He knew nothing about what the Lord had spoken to me about (for i got home late from the concert and we started our day very early). i shared with him what i just wrote to you about and he was amazed! he then said.."dani, tell me again what passage you read. I shared with him the verse and my heart's cry. it was then he told me he had read the same verse in his quiet time that morning! oh my! this started a trickling of thoughts and wonder. the director asked us to send in our info/resume'....so since i had not worked in 8 years (8 years ago we were houseparents in Memphis at the Tn. Baptist Children's home for troubled teens for 3 years), i went up to the church to write it up. i walked in the door and when i did i saw a magazine on the table near the office. (HOME LIFE) . in big bold letters at the bottom of the page was written "Orphans Matter to God". okay, really God, are you kiddin' me. we sent in our information not really knowing the outcome.

at church the following sunday...we sang our usual songs and then he asked us to turn to so and so #....guess what song "rescue the perishing". wow!!! with gladness in my heart and confirmation i sang to the Lord. Bill, a couple of days later called and talked with the director and shared his experience with the children's home....him (bill) being a foster child and his sisters growing up in the children's home that we worked at. We then learned that Mr. Smith (director) wants to interview us at our house so, he came. the conversation could have not gone any better.

on monday afternoon bill gets a weird phone call. his caller ID says "8"....he could not get to the phone, but he tried to call back after his phone call. no one picked up! he called again...and still no one.well, in biblical days, the #8 means "new beginnings"...it was just another cloud per say of what the Lord is saying. Our obedience in taking this position has many blessings, one we are so close to Brooke (just about 5 miles from her house. we will work 12 days and are off 4...during the day we can see Brooke (while everyone is at school). and of course we can get her on our 4 days off...to spend the night etc...God has made a way--and this is all about HIM....nothing about me. grateful...just grateful! there are many years to make up...and i'm thrilled to be there w/her.

of course my heart is grieving over the loss of the friendships He has established. being on staff at a church leaving behind girls I've discipled over the years...but seeing Brooke's face and establishing my relationship with my daughter is just precious to me. we are up for a challenge, "culture shock" is what i call it...but walking under the fire and the clouds how could i not follow, how could we not walk under the shadow of the Almighty? there is not a safer place to be...bitter-sweet, you bet! even as tears flow now, ugh!...i just have no other words. our last day at our church is Dec. 14...and after Christmas we will move. I'm a bit overwhelmed to say the least. I call this our "cloud and fire" story, because the Lord's hand was all in it, just as He lead the Israelites so He lead us.

our plans

serveral have asked what are plans are towards the move to Mobile...here they are:

Bill's last Sunday-December 14
Pack, Pack, Pack-December 15-22
Memphis-22-26
Get truck-28
On the road/move in-29
Start new Job-Jan 1, 2009

there ya have it. i'll be sharing more later of how in the world we got to Mobile and just how close we will be to Brooke.

dreary

what a dreary day here in northern Alabama! it doesn't help my melancholic personality. on days like this i think of jumping in the bed w/brooke watching her favorite eposides of Dora the Explorer. I miss you sweetie and look forward in being near your neck of the woods and we can explore all we want!

thanks!

Just wanted to say a big thanks to The Learning Tree staff for a wonderful Thanksgiving Meal. The food was great and it was so good to be there w/Brooke. I hope you all had time to be w/your family during the holiday. Thank you for taking care of Brooke during this season it sure does not go un-noticed! Thanks to you Jennifer, for all you do to keep everything running smoothly.

something is missing

tears flow because i know you are there and i am here. i miss you baby! something is missing.

it was great to be w/you at Thanksgiving

moments

we had some good moments tonight with brooke. went shoppin to get her a few things and took her to chick-fi-la. there were personal moments w/just brooke that I just captured and took in. She brings me joy. We will have Thanksgiving dinner w/her tomorrow at her school and i look forward in being w/my family as I'm thankful for them!

repeated Hope:

this is from a journal entry from earlier this year....it seemed appropriate to share again today:

I have been exposed to hope. Hope. For so long I have lost sight of this…and took matters in my own hands. This caused me even more harm, pain, anxiety, panic attacks, and etc… But now, I have been re-exposed to hope, if you will. It almost makes me want to take a picture, find an old darkroom and develop what I captured. Your hope God has become alive to me in the depths of my slumber. I have realized the strong fog of selfishness I’ve been under. I have seen that suffering effects more than just plain owe me. However, it is now through my suffering that You reveal hope to me. It has strength, beauty, compassion, courage, love, patience and more than I could ever write down at the moment. I buried hope long ago and surely lost perspective of it. Now, it warms my heart, sings in my ear, and embraces me when I have no one to embrace. The journey for me is just now beginning. (Jeremiah 29:11).

thanksgiving plans

we will be traveling down to see brooke on wednesday and thursday this week. since we still cannot take her on an overnight visit, we will just take her out for the afternoon on wednesday and meet them at her school for Thanksgiving lunch.

I'm so excited to be in her world.

Just recently a dear friend of mine where talking about "being" with others. There's just something about hanging out with people you know and love; no expecatations, no nothing...just "being" with them.
I mentioned in the conversation that of our Lord. So many times we go to Him...asking, pleading, etc...and we don't just sit and "be" with the Lord. What if though...we just did that, just sat and listened, and were just with Him...not expecting anything at all...BUT when He shares something w/us, when He gives us comfort from His word, when He showers His blessings and goodness as we sit in His Presence..then, my friend.....that is the EXTRA, the unexpected.....and there is NOTHING like it.

I go to Brooke w/no expectations except to be with her...

confusing question

How can my heart be SO full to move extremely close to Brooke; and yet so empty in leaving some dear and precious friends? This is where i am at...amongst the boxes, cleaning, packing, and the tears.

daddy....

happy birthday, daddy! i love you....brooke.

changes: all around

We heard some good changes with Brooke today.

Her Instructional Analyst wrote me this: "I was over there for several hours training the staff on her new PCIP. Brooke was in such a great mood. Her roomate walked up to her and grabbed her hand and they ran off to the bedrooms (which I followed to keep them in supervision, but just looked through the door crack so they wouldn't see me) and they were running around being so happy together. They ran from one room to the next laughing and following each other. They looked like 2 little girls at a slumber party! It was so cute. Her roomate kept giving Brooke hugs and Brooke did not push her away. She smiled and laughed. The whole time I was there, Brooke was in a fantastic, playful mood. She did not display any problem behaviors. I have seen such a positive change in her and can't wait to get really rolling on these new skills we are teaching her. I think she is going to learn so quickly!"

To hear these things are just wonderful news to a mom who is 6 hours away from a hug or just a look in the eye. It makes me smile. I'm excited to move closer to her in the next several weeks...hearing that she is making friends gladens my heart...knowing i'll be leaving my friends here soon grieves my heart as well. Yes, there are changes--all around.

just grateful!

"Praise the Lord, o my soul; all my intermost being, praise His Holy name. Praise the Lord, o my soul, and forget not all His benefits--who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion. who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's." ps. 103-1-5

I'm grateful today...for many things!
First, that the Lord has restored my soul from depression and who has healed my diseases. It's a great thing to be in recovery! I'm grateful that the Lord has removed my sin as far as the east/west, who forgives me 70 x 7, who has redeemed my life from the pit; and what i pit i was in! I'm grateful He crowns me w/lovingkindness and compassion and renews youth to me.
Secondly, i'm grateful Brooke is in a safe place (ps.91). The Lord has brought her underneath His shade tree, and in just weeks we will be underneath that same tree as hers (when we move into her area)!
Thirdly, I'm grateful for a body of believers from our church that has ministered to us as we have ministered to them. For dear friends that have stood beside me in the strongest storms of my life. For praying me thru the rough moments....moments i'm sure will continue to encounter me. I'm grateful for the love the Lord has bestowed on me thru them and i'm eternally grateful to be alive and well today!

what are you grateful for?

vision...

Here is a report from Brooke's nurse at the LT.....(she went to the eye doctor today). I'm so grateful for the Learning Tree. Thank all you guys who help Brooke out...what an impact you are making in a life.

"Brooke went to eye doctor today. Eyes were dilated and examined. No need for glasses all was “normal” according to ophthalmologist. Brooke did well. She did even much better than the initial appointment we took her on. There was a long wait today (2+ hours) and she waited well. She was scared with the MD examination and with the drops to dilate eyes, but overall did very well. "(nurse report)

our move

We are moving! It is bitter-sweet to leave. words cannot express all that fills my heart.

So, with that i say---we are coming Brooke! We are all coming closer to you.
More information will be shared later.

fall

fall is by far one of my favorite seasons. however, i did not enjoy raking the leaves for the boys to just destroy the pile i had made. oh well....you only live once, right? and i am sure i did the same thing when my dad raked leaves too. fall. it brings change. change brings life. newness. a breath of fresh air almost. I'm all about change! Just like a good storm rolling in...

we are all going thru a change as brooke remains far from us...wishing now i could look into her eyes, jump in the bed w/her--only for her to push me out, watch dora (over and over again). But I cannot. however, i remain confident. confident that the change in all our lives will only bring about newness--and breaths of fresh air. come Lord Jesus...change us...for i know that in some small way you rake up the leaves of goodness, riches, blessings in our life...and we get the chance to jump in them if we desire to do so. Let the jumping begin!