Saturday, May 13, 2006

determined


"once you have experienced the seriousness of your loss, you will be able to experience the wonder of being alive" robert verninga

I know what it is like to experience loss...
I know what it is like for my heart to be so burdened and hurt...
I know what it is like to know fear, failure, fatigue...
I know what it is like to live w/o someone you love...
I know what it is like to experience such anxiety that it eats away at every part of your being.
However....I do know what is like to experience the wonder of being alive by the laughter of brooke for no reason at all, for a look right in the eye for no purpose, for reaching a goal you've worked weeks and weeks on, for the simple things that can be compared to "gold", and for knowing that our Father doesn't make mistakes or flaws of any kind. It is hard to embrace pain...to walk in it not knowing when you'll be able to walk out. Today i've thought of these things...how far we've come and how far we need to go. It's so heavy at times that it seems hard to swallow. I'm determined though...to go the extra mile for the one that has taught me how to step out on faith. I'm determined to serve, know, worship my God even if healing never comes. Help me Jesus...i pray.
dani

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

thank you my friend for the honesty you have shared here. i found myself in all the words you have penned. i had been reluctant to acknowledge the "suffering" or the "loss" in my circumstances, they seem so trivial compared to others. yet as verninga seems to be saying one must embrace the loss in order to embrace the life. i feel the loss of MY life as i knew it to be; the loss of MY dreams i had slated for ME; the loss of INDEPENDENCE so strong and so free; the loss of the "SELF" God is asking of me. this is perhaps the toughest thing for me to embrace with peace and joy-- that this cup pours from the hand of my loving Father; that this truly is His best for me. that out of this comes beauty from ashes. i pray to be able to praise Him in the storm more, cower and wallow less.
there is much more i could say in response to what you have written here, but alas i say too much. please know what an encouragement and a blessing you are to me along this journey.
trish