tuesday pictures

our tuesday.

i could not upload our pictures...will try again tomorrow. brooke's IEP went really well. It was good to see brooke and just hold her in my arms. we took her to McDonalds on monday...we enjoyed being w/her. She looks great....and it was just precious to see her. the pictures are coming.

latest info

i'm so excited to see brooke on monday. i called last night to see how she was doing...it was good to hear a good report. she is adjusting at her house just fine. at school (where more demands are placed on her) she is having some behavior problems; to be expected. Bill and i will take her to get something to eat on monday and tuesday we will have her IEP meeting to establish some goals. i miss her face. her smile. her touch...even sometimes it's a grab!

this is a busy weekend for me. i'm thankful to be involved in a womans conference...then to a dear friends baby shower.

i'll have much more to share/with new pictures on our return.

the distance.

the distance is always difficult. i'm ready to give you a hug brooke. I'll talk to you tomorrow. i love you!

rest

resting in the Lord is where i am "camped out" at today. Resting...not in a sense of laying in my hammock, or laying on the couch, or sleeping all day; but being assured, acknowledging, dwelling, finding habitation in His Presence, His character, His ways, His attributes...HIM. He is the I AM...there is nothing else. so i rest.

great verse...

this verse has stayed w/me for a long time now and wanted to share: Exodus 2.23 says the Israelities groaned and cried out to the Lord. I love this....how many times i have done this and cried out to the Lord in my time of need, or just acknowledgement. What's even better about this passage is the Lords response. Verse 24 says "God heard their groaning and he remembered His covenant, so God looked on them and was concerned about them". What a great God I serve. In Psalms it says that he is the maker of the eye, does He not see, He is the maker of the ear, does He not hear?

thank you Lord, that you hear my hearts cry, my groaning, my pain and you hear..remember...look...and are concerned with me.

i woke up...

at 2 am with you on my mind...and just cannot go back to sleep. i miss you and cannot wait to see you soon.

my friday

Now, as we got brooke moved and i've had time to just get back to the daily stuff. while we were there i just went thru the motions... everything is sinking in now and i miss her and long to see her.


she went to the doctor yesterday just for a check up. all is well. she will have other doctor appointments soon to check out everything else. I wanted to be w/her. however, we were well informed on the visit and how she did. thank you katy for all you do! you are amazing.


i'll be going down on Nov. 10-11. We will be doing her IEP (Individual Education Plan). i'm excited to see her on both days. I'll be scouting out a place we can stay for Thanksgiving.


If you know me well enough, you'll know I have a picture-mind. Last night i walked into our garage where we have our 11 golden retriever puppies in a gated fence (to keep them from the cold air). outside the gate on a pillow Trudy, momma dog, was laying next to the fence and all the puppies were asleep next to her; yet the fence was keeping them apart. (this is for nursing purposes). I just stood there dumb founded b/c it reminded me of me and brooke. Not separated by a fence but miles. the puppies knew their momma was there so they got as close as they could to her. precious! If i could, i'd be there too, Brooke. Yet, God has you in a safe place and so i trust that He is leaning against you tonight....for with Him, there is NO separation! I'm leaning hard on Jesus too.


this weekend we will take it easy and rest. the next few weekends are filled up. it'll be nice to just be. I'm praying for you baby!

the web of possiblity

Tuesday morning i got the boys off to school and driving into my driveway i noticed something white-ish dangling from a branch off the tree. interesting. i bundled up (it's cold in the morning), and cautiously walked over to see a spider web. crazy! this guy was amazing. he had so artistically spun from the ground to the tree limb his web, his home....suspending itself in mid-air. i was amazed. (i took pictures, but they did not turn out).

this little guy reminded me of something i need to be constantly reminded of. NOTHING is impossible for my God. personally, i'm in bit of a dilemma in my life right now....but seeing this little guy made me re-consider my situation/circumstance. With God, all things are possible.

Brooke, baby, Jesus has got you! Know that nothing is impossible with Him. I know you are a bit nervous, maybe scared, afraid, lonely, tired, and uncertain about things around you. But if i could whisper in your ear tonight so that you would understand i would tell you that nothing is impossible for God. Somehow though, i think you already are aware of that....and i'm just learning the lesson. i miss you tonight!

wednesday

brooke is still doing well and adjusting fine.

brooke...

castle

i've been out of town (again)...so i haven't gotten to post as i would like...or send pictures as i said i would. they will come. computer is slow at home.

recently i got the chance to stay in a castle on a hill. it was very enchanting. I was reminded of the reason castles were built...the fortress they portrayed and the strongholds they were for so many in danger or just for protection. i was reminded this week that the Lord has put me and Brooke in a very safe place...a place of protection. I was reminded of Psalms 71. 3 "be My habitation...My Rock and my Fortress". The Lord has been my Rock this week. It goes w/o saying that i'm so proud of Brooke's bravery...being placed with complete strangers...her courage speaks volumes to me. The Lord has been her Fortress as well.

the castle...some may call it imaginary...I call it God's Presence.

full update

transitions are hard any way you look at them, are they not? I'm grateful for the transition that has taken place with brooke. it will take her some time to get adjusted to new faces, new names, new places, her new bedroom, her new house, and her new school. her staff has gone over the top meeting her needs as we cannot be with her as we would like. tuesday we took the day off and just rested--knowing brooke needed to get to know her surroundings at the LT. Wednesday we had a meeting that gave us much information for the direction the staff would like to take brooke and what we (as her parents) would like to transpire. I have been very impressed with the LT. Today on our way out, we stopped by to see brooke. The next time we get to see her (as a family) will be for Thanksgiving. I'll be traveling down for a meeting before then. We are hoping to see her as much as we possibly can.
This is a very stressful time for brooke. would you pray, as those that work with her, that she would sense a peacefullness. I'll be sending pictures in my next entry of our time w/her. Thank you for your concern, love, prayers. God has been good...I'm confident in this!

long day

it has been a very long day. the void that is in my heart tonight as i'm about to go to bed is heavy...yet fully aware the Lord has her and is resting with her tonight. i'll share more when we arrive back in town for our service is not well.

transition

brooke's move today was very smooth. she is now adjusting to her new school at the learning tree. we do not have internet access to share pictures or express details. please continue to pray for this transition that is affecting our whole family. i will have more information to share on thursday. thank you for your prayers. (shared by cherie, dani's sister).

door of Hope

my dear friend Robin and i were talking early this week about a passage of scripture that has NOT left me. "I am now going to allure her and lead her into the wilderness to speak tenderly to her" (Hosea 2.14). Michael Card, song-writer and author, says that it is in while we are in the wilderness that is where our worship is. It goes on to say in Hosea i will give her the door of HOPE. Hope just happens to be my favorite word in Bible...this alone "allured" me to this passage years ago.

Brooke and i will both be going into the wilderness this week (not leaving out the rest of our family). In this wilderness I'm asking the Lord to speak tenderly to Brooke. To speak kindly to her. To affirm her. To give her a door of hope. To assure her.

I love you Brooke. Jesus has got you, baby. He has me too. For this...I'm eternally grateful...our doors await us.

yet...

it's been a tough few day for me, to be honest. i'm hurting...and the distance that will be between brooke and our family is difficult. i'm confident the Lord has her...and the entrustment. I'm grateful that I serve a God, Jesus Christ that goes before us...knows our circumstances, and is intimately acquainted with our ways. so with this i say, even though....yet, i will praise....in fact, i have to praise! He is enough...and i'm in that moment with Him. it is the safest place to be as uncomfortable as it may seem.

moving day

monday is moving day.

if interested, their website is www.learning-tree.org

brooke....

it's momma....

i miss you, but will get to see you on Monday. We will drive down to Mobile to your new school. The Lord has His hand on you baby. Your daddy, josiah and ethan, and momma love you so much. I am praying for you. May His shade cover you and protect you as you go throughout your day. Don't be afraid, for He alone is with you.--momma

Joy is given...

read this a couple of days ago and was encouraged with these words by amy carmichael:

Sorrow is one of the things that are lent, not given. A thing that is lent may be taken away; a thing that is given is not taken away. Joy is given; sorrow is lent. we are not our own, we are bought with a price, "and our sorrow is not our our own", is it lent to us for just a little while (sometimes i wonder what "a little while really means) that we may use it for eternal purposes. then it will be taken away and everlasting joy will be our Father's gift to us, and the Lord God will wipe all tears from off all faces. so, let us use this "lent" thing to draw us nearer to the heart of Him Who was once a Man of Sorrow (He is not that now, but He does not forget the feeling of sorrow). Let us use it to make us more tender with others, as He was when on earth and is still, for He is touched with the feelings of our infirmities.

i say no more....

(this is a picture of amy)

to learn more about amy carmichael and her ministry go to:

www.amycarmichael.org

being still....

while i wait on the Lord. Comfort brooke Lord during this transition. Comfort us as more and more distance comes between us. Heal us Lord....we need your touch.

what i'm learning....

my intimacy with the Lord is greater than my circumstances, pain, or suffering. i will not give up being bold for Christ...for one person or for my present circumstance.

thoughts

brooke will NOT move on the 6th to Mobile...but she will move on the 13th of October.

i've been thinking on this statement a friend said to me...all day long. thought i'd share:

"it is hard for man to recognize the total depravity of his own flesh unless he were to journey closely, deeply, faithfully, and trustingly with the Lord God most high."

up to the moon!

i love and miss you up to the moon (and back!)

wishes/Heaven/trust

first off...Happy Birthday tomorrow to my precious sister!
___________________________

I have a dear friend in Scotland....Julie. Her son, James is autistic. i met her thru the internet. I'm grateful for her dear friendship over the years we have known one another. there is nothing....nothing like talking to another mom who knows the ends and outs about autism. in a moment of distress she emailed something i had to share:

" I guess God pretty much hates autism too. One thing we will definitely NOT find in Heaven, thankfully. And there we will REALLY hear our kids sing.

Can you imagine how much MORE special it will be for them, even than for us, since the reality they have known so far has been so confusing.........................when it all becomes clear AND AMAZING AT THE SAME TIME - how big will that be for them??!!" thanks julie...i love you and i hope to meet you this side of Heaven.
__________________________

Trust...the simplicity of it all.
Why the maze we go through?
Letting go...the liberty of it all.
Why the entaglement of holding on?
Security...the assurance of it all.
Why the instability we pursue?
(dani-ga)

september visit

in the nile

If you have never had the opportunity for in-depth Bible study, let me suggest Bible Study Fellowship (http://www.bsfinternational.org/). I talk about it in my book, Little by Little. Tremendous and rich study of specific books of the Bible. I have been involved in BSF on and off for 9 years. Our study in "The Life of Moses", (which covers several books of the Old Testament) started up a couple of weeks ago for us. i won't go into the details of how BSF works; however, i will tell you, as you allow the Holy Spirit to speak, it will change your life as it has mine throughout the years.

Today was no different. We are in chapter 2 of Exodus. It was just 10 verses that captured a picture i'll never forget. (if you have the time, read them). If you remember with me...Moses was born and 3 months later was placed in a basket in the Nile. As Moses' sister watches him go down the Nile, Pharaoh's daughter was bathing and sees the basket with Moses inside. Later we see he was cared for by a nurse and nursed by 'a baby's mother'. Shelter. Protective. Sovereign. these are just a couple of words i see God is in this passage. As our teaching leader taught on this passage I felt almost crippled and gripped by each verse and word spoken. For this is what the Lord taught me:

as you know Brooke will be going to another facility in a couple of weeks. this means brooke being with people i haven't even met, being in a different city than us, being raised in a house different from ours, and basically...being away from me-her mother; furthermore, her family. as i sat there today God allowed me to see not Moses in that basket floating down the Nile, but Brooke. He said. ..."dani, put brooke in the basket...and let her float down the Nile", i have her protected..trust me, those that will get her will care for her...will you trust me? She will get everything she needs, just trust me". then, in the midst of all this our teaching leader shares "the Lord neither slumbers/sleeps"...which is my brooke passage Psalms 121. i leaned over to a friend of mine who knows me and brooke, and i said to her...that is from Ps. 121..that is my brooke passage! about that time...our teaching leader says "that is a passage i believe from ps. 121." Hah...! oh my!

I walked away praying, "oh Lord, i want to be faithful, faithful to trust You, faithful to believe what You say, You will do." This Word from the Lord came at a time that was never-the-less perfect, but isn't that the way the Lord works...as a friend of mine says, it's not about time for Him...it's His timing. Today will stay with me for a long time...He knew what i needed...and He gives what we need. I'm grateful for His voice...still, small, quiet voice that shakes and rattles my world.


Brooke, honey, you are safe! For there are no better hands than His...and that is where you are!

nothing like it

today our dog, Trudy (golden retriever), had 12 puppies! it was amazing! this hasn't been the first time I've seen puppies being born...but today when she had them i noticed something that made me consider something. right after the puppy is born (eyes still closed), she smells the mommy and goes to find nourishment and comfort. i just think that is just the coolest thing...the instincts they have amaze me and there is nothing like it.

on Friday i walked into brooke's classroom, after not seeing her for a few weeks, our eyes met, and she got up to come to me...I'd say to find nourishment (in some fashion) and comfort. Let me just say, there is nothing like it. nothing like being in a room with lots of commotion and fixing your eyes on something that will in someway bring you comfort or love.

the same with Jesus...scripture says 'let us fix our eyes on Jesus" (Hebrews). His eyes, His touch bring nourishment, yes, and comfort...and let me say....there is nothing like it!

changes

we recently had a meeting to decide when brooke will be moving to the Learning Tree....Oct. 6. I'll be driving down to get her and then continuing on to Mobile. I would ask that you would pray for brooke. Changes for her are hard and it brings much anxiety. there will be alot of changes for her in the next few months. some changes will be hard for her as she learns a different approach in learning, new people, and surroundings. My prayer has been and will always be for her Psalms 121. Join me, if you would, in praying this passage over her...and for her.

i'm thrilled she will be coming home for a home visit (probably one of her last, considering we will just have a visits w/her down there due to travel time). I'll get her on thrusday and take her back on saturday. It'll be good to have her home!

God is good and has been good to lead us back to The Learning Tree. God is good to lead us, period!

dearest brooke,

i know today was hard for you. i wish i were laying beside you while you sleep. i love you baby!
momma

learning that...

He is enough!

lament

Yesterday was difficult for some reason....i missed Brooke so much. Her little face kept popping in my mind, every little thing reminded me of her. Every morning during my time with Jesus I read "Streams in the Desert". Yesterdays reading was very appropriate for my sadness. I wanted to share what i read because in it is a small word I think we overlook...at least I do. It's bringing me into a new awareness when my lament is just too much.

"perhaps the circumstance causing my sorrows will not be removed and my situation will remain the same (we believe this is true in our case), but IF Christ is brought INTO my grief and gloom as my Lord and Master, He will "surround me with songs of deliverance" (ps. 32.7) To see Him and to be sure that His wisdom and power never fail and His love never changes, to know that even His most distressing dealings with me are for my deepest spiritual gain, is to be able to say in the midst of sorrow, pain, and loss, 'The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away, my the name of the Lord be praised'" (job 1.21)

Into, as if you didn't guess, is the word i was speaking of. In Michael Cards book, "A Sacred Sorrow", says it perfectly when he writes, " The true answer for a lament of disease is not ultimately a cure. The real solution for a lament of financial distress is never money. The answer is always found in the Presence of God. It is rarely what we ask for, but it is always what we ultimately need."

Holy Spirit, thank You for Your Presence You give...for comfort, guidance, healing, just a touch, a word spoken that never ceases/fades. I'm grateful for the gift. The Presence of God is what i desire...and, yes, what i ultimately need.

exodus...

i recently started a study in exodus. this is one of my favorites in the Old Testament. I've only gotten to chapter one and i've been encouraged with these thoughts...what God says, He does. All throughout scripture we find this to be a fact. He does what He says! Funny thing about this is not all the time do we get to "see" what He does. however, what He asks us is to just trust that it will happen. Another funny thing is, yes, sometimes we do get to see what He does and what a wonder!

I'm not sure why Brooke is autistic...however, i do know i need, have to, depend on, rely one, reach out to, search for, embrace the God who is working on my behalf. Furthermore, who is working on Brooke's behalf. What He says....He will do it. Trust, the simplicity of it all-if you really think about it.

(btw, for the ladies i got a chance to worship with recently, and you know who you are, I love you! I only hope the Lord captures your heart as you walk worthy of Him, that you come to understand and know the love that will never let you go, even as we try to push it away at times, that you grasp the wisdom of His word, that you seek to praise in every circumstance of your life no matter how hard or how easy it may be. He is with you...butterflies go out to you!)

a sacred sorrow

i've been reading this book, A Sacred Sorrow, lately. there have serveral things that have jumped off the page w/me, here is one of those quotes:

"We are all tempted to lose hope, to let go. We all face the
enemies of disease and death. The terrible truth is we are, all of us, alone but for the One who waits on the other side of lament. He offers not solutions, but only His Presence. He bids us to give voice to our confusion and disappointment, even as His own Word gave them a human, flesh-and-blood voice. We might discover as well that even as we cry our to God, we are crying out with God."

I find myself today wrapped up in these words, wrapped up in His arms, His embrace, His Presence, His word. There is nothing that can satisfy our deepest need except Jesus and Jesus alone.

the move

as some of you know already, brooke will be moving to another facility. we are not walking on uncommon ground. the facility she will be attending will be The Learning Tree where she was before Glenwood. meetings will start next week, and the move will happen whenever we get everything in line. I have already visited the facility and her caregivers. we are anticipating only good things as we move forward. whenever i know something more permanent i will post it.

powerful statement

sometimes the greatest joys brings the greatest challenges

gotta love it!

i just love hearing Josiah (our oldest son) pray for Brooke.

It is the sweetest sound that daily rings in my ears.

Ya gotta love it!

something extra

there's something else i wanted to say about the last post. there is a passage in psalms (i don't have my Bible in front of me, or i would tell you the passage), that says "willingly i will sacrifice". wow. thinking of the past post i wanted to disect it a bit more...."yet, i will". the words, "i will" are just as powerful. thinking of my marriage of now almost 14 years we both exchanged the words, "I do", or "i will"....
Thinking on this passage has just made me think more on sacrificing to His (God's) will and not my own, His control and not my own, His power and NOT my own. Yet, "i will", willingly give, heed to, know more of, listen, give grace, show love, give w/o return, and yes, PRAISE.
Today, i'm Praising God for bringing me out of the pit.

YET...

what a word. man, it's small, but very powerful. the passage of scripture that i'm thinking of with this word is:

Habakkuk 3.18 "yet, i will praise You"

recently, i had a conversation with a friend about this very word. no matter what circumstances we endure we are encouraged to "praise" the Lord in the MIDST of tough times. UGH! i say. however, when i do submit into praising the Lord something happens...it cannot be described in words, but the Lord does something within us that gives hope, endurance, and peace. all thru the scripture we find the little word 'yet', maybe it's time to see what is on the other side of the word and take action to it. i'm challenged and encouraged to go on, move on, and more than anything Praise the Lord in the midst of my struggle!

the famous 20 questions

brooke...

1. what makes you smile?

2. what is your favorite color?

3. where would you like to be right now?

4. what do you think of the most?

5. what do you dream about?

6. mcdonalds or chick-fil-a?

7. what do you enjoy doing the most?

8. what makes you angry/upset?

9. do you have headaches?

10. what is your favorite fruit?

11. what is your favorite movie (besides 'dora')?

12. what brings you comfort?

13. what is one thing you would like to ask me?

14. what is your favorite toy?

15. what's the best part of your day?

16. what's your favorite food?

17. what makes you laugh at a tv show?

18. what flavor ice-cream is your favorite?

19. what makes you hurt?

20. how can i help you the most?

there are a million more questions i'd love to know the answers to. I may not ever know the answers...but i know who does. Jesus does. He is with you sweetie...and i know He meets your every need...to all your questions too. i love you--sleep well. ---momma

the exchange

it's sunday and brooke is back at school. we are back into our routine. our visit was good/fast. my parents came down for a quick visit...it's always good for brooke and my parents to exchange hugs/kisses/looks.

everyone usually asks, 'how does she do on the way back'? well, she does really well...until we get at the school. this time, as we reached the steps, she slapped me and paced back and forth. she looked sad and confused when i left. those times hurt and hit hard as a mom.

on my way back home i had the most unusal experience half-way home. i cannot share all the details "blog form", however, what happened gave me such a great exchange from being sad/selfish to praying for someone who was hurting just as i was. so, nicole, even though you have no idea who i am...God spoke to me thru you yesterday. I'm praying for you and i'm sorry for your loss.

tonight i'm grateful for the great exchange Jesus did when He died for me!

brooke...

...is home, and we are all smiles!


(this is NOT a recent picture. this is laura (therapist) with brooke)

another reminder

it's funny, as soon as i start talking about elephants i start remembering different things to say:

I was reminded by my dear friend in Chicago of this verse in Psalms 121.7-8

"the Lord will guard your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forever."

the whole psalm has ministered to me since brooke went to her first facility at age 7. Furthermore, at different times in my life, God continues to bring them up to encourage me, minister to me, and for me to even pray over these verses for her. Today, as we prepare for her visit tomorrow, i will be praying this verse for her. would you join me in doing so?

home visit

brooke's home visit will be this thursday-saturday....my parents will come over to see her on friday. we are expecting a better visit this time around.

pray for less anxiety on her part and an easy transition coming from school to home and then from home to school.

I can't wait to see you brooke! i love and miss you!

worth it

I cannot remember if i've ever shared a prayer that has ministered to me...if i have, it's worth sharing again...

Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up
that to be low is to be high
that the broken heart is the healed heart
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown
that to give is to receive
that the valley is the place of vision. Amen
(The Valley of Vision)

His timing...

I remember the day well. A dear friend Michelle and I would, almost always, go after church to the foyer and sing. There was a beautiful marble floor with glass windows surrounding the area. It was a perfect place to sing, for even if you didn't sound all that great, with the echo it gave, you sounded like an angel. We sang our usual song that day as we were almost the last to leave church, "Our God Is An Awesome God", by Rich Mullins. We were caught up in the moment when someone got our attention. A young man, his age unknown, said almost awkwardly, "I have a song to sing". So he began:

In His time, in His time, He makes all things beautiful, in His time. Lord please show me everyday as your teaching me to pray that you do just what you say in your time.

I, personally was blown away. It brought tears to my eyes as i listened to this man, mentally retarded, sing to the Lord about His timing.

My mentor and friend tells me, "Dani, it's not God's time, it's His timing." His time table is much more different from ours...i assume that is why reliance, trust, dependence on Him is necessary in our walk with the Lord.

But i would have so say-I do get a bit frustrated with His timing. I want Brooke to get well, I want the Lord to respond quicker with things going on in my life, I need this prayer to be answered now! However, His way is perfect (ps. 18), His timing is perfect.

I will never forget the song that guy sang the day in the foyer at church. For it was not his voice, it was the attitude of His heart that i was listening mostly to. He was confident in the Lord's timing. I, too, desire the same.

remember

You all should know i love elephants. One thing about elephants is they have a great memory. as i say "elephants always remember". In Ephesians 2 the word "remember" is mentioned over and over again. I just had to share some thoughts the Lord spoke to me about...
v.4 "But God, being rich in His mercy...made us alive with Christ."
v.11 "Therefore, remember".
v.12 "Remember that you were..."
Remembering humbles me, gives us a reality check if you will.
I'm grateful that the Lord is NOT my accuser by my advocate when it come to "remembering". I do remember where i have been but also more importantly remember the precious love that was shed on me, poured on me, lavished on me. I'm grateful...blessed because of His kindness and riches (v7).
v.13 "but NOW in Christ Jesus you who were formerly far off (remember), have been brought near by the blood of Christ."....wow, what a picture to capture.

i too, cannot help but remember when we found out brooke was autistic at the early age of 4. Now, as she is 11, i can't help but see how far the Lord has brought me only closer to Him thru my sufferings and loss. Remembering can be a very powerful aspect of our walk with Christ.

another visit

brooke will get to come home again at the end of the month. hopefully this one will be much better!

btw, gina...are you still there?

dearest brooke,

sweetie, i miss your face. i wish to see you tonight. you would be in your bed right now at home...but i don't get the chance to check on you. I know the Lord has you and is right there w/you as you sleep tonight. I hope you have a fun weekend. You make me smile! i miss you more than you know.
i love you, momma.

waiting

there's a freedom when waiting on the Lord

Relief...

This summer has been hot, has it not? we have been outside everyday with the boys, when brooke comes home for visits, we have gone hiking, exploring, to the pool---um, i think EVERYDAY, and we've gone to creeks to catch little fish. When we've been outside in the hot, we've just needed a bit of relief. Relief. such a small word...but it's something i've thought on a lot lately.

Just yesterday i went to a place to spend some time with God...just me and Him. Boy, was it ever so good. As i was sitting there in the sun...looking over a beautiful river (Tennessee, i may add), i got soooo hot! It was tempting to just jump in. Near by i had an ice chest....i opened it up and grabbed my frozen water. Boy! Relief. I just put my tongue on it...and it was like my whole body felt it's coolness. As it melted just a drop hit my chest and once again the word came to my mind "relief". Now, you may think...what the heck is she talking about today--she has lost her mind.

A while back ago a dear friend of mine told me "a little encouragement from the Lord goes a long way". People may give encouragement (and boy, is it needed), and other things in life may ease the 'relief' in your life...however, just a drop, just a hint, just a word, just a dab, just a glimmer of His encouragement goes along way. I'm able to go further, move faster, or even wait longer.

Just a drop of the water on my tongue went a long way yesterday in the heat. Relief!

Better yet, I recieved relief from the Lord yesterday becasue of His encouragement He gave.

I hope you can find the time to do the same.

recent photos

2 Chron. 20.12

"...For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on You".

I've spent the last couple of weeks facing loss, surprising victories, unexpected gifts, sadness, vast armies, unexplained peace, and answered prayers. I really don't even know how to start this journal entry...i have a field of emotions and thoughts racing thru my mind and heart as i type. However, this verse comes to mind. There are many things we are facing right now...too much to type and too intimate to share; however, as God's word says "we do not know what to do." Have you felt that way before...so many things at your feet...you have difficult dicisions to face, vast armies at your doorway, and a grief that never seems to leave you alone? Yet, i love what the latter part says: "but our eyes are on You." Peace. Oh, the Peace. The fight has already been won. It does not dismiss the pain, or the loss i may be experiencing. But it's in Him holding me, and knowing my eyes are on Him that brings the peace in the midst of pain. These past 2 weeks have been hard. Before, i would have ran (in every capacity). However, the Lord has been my sustainer. Yes, there are still choices to make, hard choices to make. There are still losses from friendships that i had cherished, there are still armies at my feet desiring me to fall. But my eyes are on Him.

Adding to that, Brooke's visit at home was hard. Her behaviors outweighed her "good" moments. Going to the mall--was walking in--then walking back out because it was just "too much" for her. Shower time too. It just seemed too much for her to handle. Slapping, hitting, bitting herself and others were her ways of escape. Walking at the park with her on Thursday was like walking towards a vast army too much for her to handle. We left. We had to give her medication (twice) to help calm her. I believe it did not work. "We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on You." I cried taking her back. Leaving her at Glenwood was difficult to do. I hugged her, as she let me. I did not want to let her go. Time stopped.

time goes. as i wept on the way down to glenwood a friend of mine read scripture to me over the phone. Ps. 18 came to mind. "His way is perfect". Sometimes, it's hard to see that when you are a mother. your daughter sick. thinking the solution would be "mom". she can fix anything. I, however, can simply do nothing...i'm a bit powerless...a bit in need...a bit overwhelmed by autism and the greatness of it. Yet, "His way is perfect". And so it goes. So it goes that God is in control and i SIMPLY am not. once again, i'm faced with the passage in chron....we are powerless before this "_________" (fill in the blank). yet, our eyes are on You...b/c you are in control, because your way is perfect, because....and...so it goes.

walking w/me

i'm not ready to share my thoughts as of yet; however, the Lord is my comfort. He is my sustainer and shield. He is walking closely with me and brooke today.

the return

all day long we struggled with the thought of taking brooke back to school. i just got home from what seemed like...the long drive. i have a heavy heart and a yearning for Jesus to hold me tonight. (more information on the visit tomorrow)

brooke.

brooke has had a hard day at home.

in the psalms

i'm in need of His comfort. i'm staying in the psalms for a bit to recapture, rethink, hibernate--if you will, hope, imagine, pray, pray some more, and then pray even more. my heart is heavy and i'm just in need of Jesus. I'm reaching!

my next posting will be after brooke leaves on saturday.

unexpected....

a dear friend of mine told me once..."when you are having your quiet time with the Lord, just go...and be w/Him. It's not that you have to "hear" from God...or get something wonderful and powerful from Him, but just being w/Him is all He wants; however, when you do hear something from the Lord, all man, it's the unexpected gift".

recently, the Lord gave me an unexpected gift far to valuable to describe. It is precious when the Lord gives you something you feel like you don't deserve, or may be even something you think you don't want. But He gives it. i never saw it coming. However, what God brought to me was valuable. I love the unexpected. the undescribed.

school starts back up on wednedsay for Josiah. i'll take ethan w/me to get brooke. Then ethan starts up on Thrusday. we are excited! I'm sure God will give some unexpected gifts this week...and i'll treasure those moments, the unexpected!
(thanks fred)

in the solitude

listening, reading, writing things out. i'm in a solitude. as mark 6 talks about: going out to a lonely place. I need some time...
brooke will be home wednesday. i'm excited for her arrival.

our grief

i cannot believe it is august 1.

I had something on my mind this morning, that i wanted to share out loud. grief. what a word, right. it carries many different emotions. this past week a dear friend of mines husband passed away. grief. this week i will say goodbye (for now) to a friend going into another ministry. grief. this week i witnessed seeing my daughter wanting to go w/me out the door of her school. grief.
i have experienced alot of grief this week, but not only this week, but in the past years. i've covered up my grief because i thought i was "above that", its not okay to do so, i must be strong, so-to-speak. However, in doing so, i messed up things even more than they were. just adding to my grief.
if, by chance, you are grieving today, allow the Holy Spirit to allure you into Himself and disclose Himself to you like only He can do. Life is full of pain, suffering, and hardship. I know that one too well. But to encourage you, as i, myself, am encouraged by this. Take heart, my friend, and know He is there, He cares for you more than many sparrows, His thoughts of you out weight the numbers of the sand, He desires to walk w/you in your grief...and as He does You will experience His fullness. You will experience His love. You will experience His comfort and kindness to you. So, never cover up your grief, but allow Him to minister to you in your grief, loss, pain, and suffering. Your relationship with Him will be sweeter than honey!