the swing

the pine needles and grass are pressed down where brooke has been this weekend at home. The swing she loves has been unactive until this past weekend. The swing. I don't know if you remember your childhood of swinging, but there is something about flying in the air. brooke only goes so far....her feet hit the ground each time she lifts off....in the air..and back on the ground again. I love to swing. sometimes i'll just randomly stop at some playground and just swing. brooke and i have that in common. the pine needles and grass will start edging there way from the ground where they were stepped on until brooke comes home again.

it thrilled me so to have her home for 24 hours. she smiled so much....she got a hair cut...and ate anything she wanted! here are the latest pictures of her and the swing.

are you kidding me?

This past weekend i was in an art show....as this lady was purchasing some of my work she asked me if i could do others for her.....I said, "sure"....then she said "is it a problem that i live in birmingham"....hummm, i said "well, no, my daughter lives there and i go down there twice a month." as she wrote out her information for me, she asked me where my daughter lived. oh boy--here we go.... I said" well, she is autistic and is living at a place called Glenwood." she looked at me and said, we had some one in our family that went there years ago. She asked me if i knew Alan Scott. (Alan Scott is the founder of Glenwood.....it was his son she was referring to.) She then said that they were related to Alan Scott and she knew exactly where Glenwood was. I was amazed to say the least.....such a small world. God keeps confirming to me that Glenwood is the place for her. This story made me smile....and thank God even more.

it's hard to talk about brooke when i don't get to "see" her to find out really how she is doing. our next visit w/her is at the end of this month. i'm not sure how long we get to see/keep her. it's kinda up in the air with how they think she is adjusting. if you would like to know her address to send her mail...please email me personally for the information. bill and i are trying to send her something each week. My peace still remains.....and what a gift this is from God. we all miss her. Josiah during our dinner time.....prays for brooke-i wish you could hear him. it's so precious. i don't know what all they comprehend....but i do know they love her and that she and will always remain part of this family. I love you brooke.....you are a gift from God....i'm blessed in knowing you not only as a mom but a friend. always yours.....

freedom at last!

For serveral years i've been holding on to the idea that i was the one that put her in the Learning Tree and now Glenwood....because i didn't try hard enough, i didn't do enough to get her better, i was weaker than her and i just couldn't....however, today i gotta say I am not under that guilt anymore! This past Thursday i was able to release that to the Lord. Freeing is not even a word to express the burden i carried around. Praise be to God!

i wanted also to share some pictures of our last visit. my parents came down to see her this past saturday. we had such a good day-may the pictures reveal our day. Our next visit w/brooke is at the end of sept. (you can click on any picture to see up closer)

Prayer

Lord, i pray for Brooke right now, hold her close to your heart. I love her dearly Lord....help her to learn, play. I desire Lord for her to happy. Help her settle in her new home life. I pray for those that work with her...i first pray for their salvation. that each one would come to know you personally if they do not already. Give them guidance, strength, wisdom to direct brooke. I know Lord you have already sent your angels charge over her.....those is no reason that i should wonder or fret of her safety....b/c you Lord have set it in stone.
Thank you for what You are doing in and thru her life.....and in and thru my life. Your timing is perfect...You are perfect. Let her know i love her.....amen

new home

friday went as expected. the first part of the day was filled up w/meetings. then we were able to fix up her room. it was raining badly so we just went next door to say bye to brooke. she came running down the hall w/a big grin. hugging bill and me. it was precious. we hear she adjusted well to her new room. i'll be calling tomorrow to check in on her. i'll get to see her for labor day. then after that i'll get to see her the end of the month just for a day.
today has been tough.....just thinking about her makes me take deep breaths thinking of how she is...what she's doing. the pain is great. but God is greater. thanks to all who have been praying for this transition.

friday

please pray for brooke and her family on friday the 24th. she will be going in her placement at Glenwood. we won't get to see her as often as we have been.....

lately her behavior has been bad.....

pray for stable environment.

thoughts

brooke is still not in her home yet, it should be soon. i saw her saturday and will see her again on saturday with the boys. (my mom and dad may go too). it's been hard. i miss her with every breath i take.....i'm hurting and feel numb.

home,diet,health

well...brooke will be moving in her home soon. as soon as we get the call we will go and sign all the papers to make things offical. She's doing well in her home....they took her off the gluten part of the diet and are seeing good signs, they also took her off one of the medications and they have given great reports on that.

it looks like though, we won't get to see brooke very much as we do now when she gets in her new home. i'm hurt by this news....but God knows my pain and interceeds on my behalf. grieving is difficult and relieving all at the same time.

His angels

Today a friend went w/me to see brooke. the boys were able to go too. it was a good visit. the main thing i have to say that took me by surprise was...we went to the chapel on campus and before you went in you saw this bench marker i read the words and Knew God was not only speaking to Brooke but me to. the second picture is what i love the most. the passage is ps. 91.11. if you click on the picture you can see it upclose.

the smile i've longed for....

it's the smile i've waited to see. today's visit this saturday was really good. thankfully brooke wanted to stay in her room the whole time, so we got alot of one on one. it was good to see her smile....it was good for her to lean her forehead at me for a kiss. i've longed for this.....and i got it today....

our saturday

just wanted to give an update w/pictures of brooke and how she is doing. today (saturday)...it was good to see her. when we got there she noticed us and came to us and i was quick to give her a hug. it was raining the whole time, and the other children were alittle upset without getting to see their parents.....so we just took a drive around the area. if you notice she has a black eye....how i don't know, they say it was a reaction to medication, but i will discuss that w/them on wednesday on the team meeting days. it's kinda of a crazy few weeks sorry i haven't been able to keep you updated as i would have liked. she seems to be doing good in the program and we pray she'll continue adjusting. thanks to Jesus for being at her side every moment...this picture is for you brooke...and my dear friend trisha...

this is glenwoods sign coming in

bill and brooke
me and brooke
brooke w/josiah
ethan and brooke

the house she lives in now...

the house she'll move into

wednesday

wednesday we will leave for a team meeting for brooke. in fact, each wednesday we can come for the team meeting for her--to find out how she is doing, changes, etc.....i plan on making those bi-weekly...this weeks is very important. we will be talking about the medication she is on that makes her sleepy.....i'm hoping some changes will occur during the meeting.

for me things are hitting home that she is away-i've cried many tears...but i trust Jesus that His arms are better than mine.

trust

the Father said "do you trust me"..... with tears i asked...."Lord, what are you going to do, where are you going, how long will it take, tell me your thouths?" the Father said... " i'm sorry i cannot tell you, do you trust me?" with tears streaming down....i said "yes, i trust you".

recently this conversation came between me and the Lord. I wake up every morning and tell Him.....Lord i trust you for today. Looking ahead is to hard....and it makes me worry. but as His word says.....don't worry about tomorrow, for it will take care of itself.

of course, the tears still come....i still hurt...but I trust Him.

our monday

monday i thought would never end. we got to the hospital to get brooke. it was great to take her out of the hospital in our car. while she was in the hospital she was on some medication that now we regret agreeing on. she sleeps all the time which basicly limits her behaviors. we then took her to glenwood where we had an extensive meeting w/various staff. then we were able to go to her room (which she won't be in long-then she'll move into the the long term area---different house). so i wasn't able to decorate or anything..... she looked so sad, all i think b/c of the meds. she just stayed in her bed the whole time. we unloaded her stuff.....and got her room "dora" proof. ha/. then it was time to go. i leaned my head into hers and prayed. she just sat there as if she was being held by Jesus Himself.

since then bill and i have had some time to be alone. we went to a lake and spen time on a boat....sharing, crying, laughing.

brooke has not been adjusting well.....as we have talked w/them daily. i'll be going down on wednesday for a meeting and hopefully we will be able to sort out the meds.
thank you for your prayers during the difficult and trying time. i'm not afraid to say i'm hurting for her as a mother would.....but i'm confident she is in His hands and i'm not afraid of that.

Your Way

i'm left w/empty hands, a heavy heart, and a longing for Jesus. I need His way. It's perfect....why would we not want any other way. Oh Lord...embrace your child...embrace me.

trinity

today we put brooke into trinity hospital in birmingham. they have a behavior program...so we decided to put her there while we wait for a bed to become avaliable at Glenwood...which will be soon.
walking away from her was difficult. i don't understand things in life-why we have to go thru different things but what i do know is that He wants us to trust Him.
brooke has given me more than i could ask for...but tonight, i'd do anything to see her smile at me and say---mom...Jesus has got me, it's okay.

i love you.

the strength you possess amazes me.
the courage you have undertaken makes me wanta be like you.
the smile you have makes laugh.
the energy you have makes me tired
the love you share makes me smile
the tears you cry makes me wonder.

you amaze me brooke. i love you.

my view

it's funny how we view ourselves, is it not? one that i know about me....is i'm way to hard on myself. go figure. we are each made up to His liking. i struggle w/being confident in myself--which in turn effects every relationship i'm in. including God's. can't seem to get these thoughts out of my head.

glenwood

laura and brooke

brooke has been accepted into Glenwood. We don't know when she'll actually go....but it looks like mid-june. thank you for your prayers during this difficult and painful disicion. i'll be sharing more later.

next week

we will know more next week.

thrusday...

thursday we will go to b/ham to glenwood for a pre-admission meeting. we will be watching them and they will be watching her to see if this is the best thing to do. We get there at 10:30. Please pray for wisdom and guidance as God directs. thank you!

rough

just thinking tonight. good day---rough night.

pray for peace for brooke this weekend. bill will be doing my close friends wedding---molly at mentone. we are excited about getting away, however the way brooke's behaviors have been lately it only causes me more concern as we are away...

i dread the thought of glenwood---knowing it's best for our whole family.

broken...

sorry it's been a long time posting. i broke my wrist it has pins in it and everthing...and i have been in alot of pain. however, about brooke. things are degressing w/her.....so much so we are considering to put her back in a home. my heart is broken...but out whole family is suffering. the place we are looking at is glenwood, in alabama. if you are interested....it's www.glenwood.org

her behaviors have been nevertheless bad...and have increased in nature. please pray for us as we make decisions regarding our future.

but....

sorrow is God's greatest opportunity to deal with us. Because in those times we are so defenceless. we know that we simply can't continue on our own. (ethel renwick)

i'm troubled...but God is here. I'm wounded...but God is here. I'm scared...but God is here. I'm sad...but God is here. my sorrow runs deep. but I know that I cannot continue on my own w/o Him. In Him...i find what i'm looking for...what i need...who i can trust...and where I can completely be free.

pray

I would like to ask prayer for brooke....bill and i are at a crossroad once again w/brooke not knowing how to treat behavior...scripture in 2 Chron. says "and we do not know what to do"....i am so there. at school she is different...at home she is different....and at church she is different. sometimes i'm at my wits end.....and i look at her wondering what she is thinking. i want to help her so bad...but it's all a mystery to me.

our day

brooke's day at school was very bad.

brooke's day at home was okay. she is still getting use to Amber and Amber use to her. It will take time.

I was able to get out for a bit and come back home in time for her dinner. A close friend and i went to another one of my favorite places. Fall Creek Falls. We had a great time....was on top of a waterfall looking over...and walked behind a waterfall.

on saturday we went to one of my favorite places....sweene, tn. they have a natural bridge there along w/other neat stuff. brooke seemed to enjoy her time.

brooke is still the same, no major change....but we are praying....praying for new ideas...thoughts...places...so please keep her in mind as we try to make some decisions for our whole family. it's been a crazy month...but things are looking better...and i'm feeling somewhat better.

sick

the reason of me not posting anything of recent is b/c i've been sick. I am getting better...but i still need some time to recover. I'll be posting again soon....probably start off in april. so, don't stop looking....i'm here....i'm just not writing now. thanks!

John 9

This passage of scripture really got to me. I'll let you read it on your own.....but basicly the disiciples see a blind man and they as Jesus...who sinned, this man, or his parents that he was born blind? Jesus replies w/neither. He was born so that God may be glorified....and in the following passages He heals the man and God receives the glory.

As i was going thru this study- you better believe i thought the same as the disciples. what did i do God? what sin did i commit for Brooke to be as she is? But i was comforted w/the fact that it wasn't anything i did, or bill did....but so God would recieve glory. so, this is my aim in life....for God to recieve the Glory. she may not be healed as the man was that day-but there are other ways God gets what He deserves!

tough

it's been a tough few weeks for me.....that is why the blog hasn't been updated. however, i'll be getting back in the swing of things and will be adding my lessons from John very soon.

restless

brooke's day was quite restless. nothing seemed to get her settled. whether eating, playing, watching tv....you could tell something was bothering her. i'm reminded of the woman.....who touched the hem of Jesus cloak and was healed. I won't give up praying that one day....Jesus will touch her restless body and she will be healed. If not....if it never comes...so be it and His grace will see us thru.

dreams

Therapist and close friend Molly had a dream the other night about Brooke....this is what she remembered:

Someone asked Brooke, "do you have autism Brooke, do you have autism?" brooke responded w/ "for now i do".

i thought that was pretty neat. We are not sure whether or not brooke will respond that way- but we pray in faith that one day she will say "i did, but not anymore."

John 5

The next biggest thing i learned in John is found in chapter 5. This is a neat story if i ever read one. If you have a chance, read it before you move on. A man 38 years sick....sitting on his mat....a man (Jesus) walks up and asks a silly but moving question. Do you wish to get well? Are we so pre-occupied w/our situation that we don't even see Jesus standing near us? Are we so distracted w/our self that we don't notice His voice? I was! The man's response could have honestly been mine. "i have no one to put me in the water". It almost sounds like pity..... i was in the midst of a pity party. "my daaaauuuuuggggttttteeerrrrr is aaaauuuuttttisssssttticcc. The question He asks though requires a responsibility....a deeper commitment. First God asks the impossible, then He removes the possibility for a relapse, and then He expects success...GET UP!
the man had to decide to obey....his faith had to move into action. He had to get past the excuses. If Jesus told you to pick up your security blanket.....what would it be? Don't expect to be carried. Jesus helps the helpless...the paralyzed. This is where i was paralyzed in the idea of autism. However, where we find our hope and security is not in some security blanket, or even stirring waters....but getting up and trusting in the voice that says "Get up?" no question about it.

John 1

Because of personal reasons i have not been able to do the blog as i like....however, i hope to not delay any longer and share my experiences in John.

My experience w/John 1 is simple. To know Him as healer, sustainer, friend....we have to really know Him. If we want to know God we have got to know Jesus. He made it clear who He was and who He was not. The most important purpose in life is knowing Christ and knowing His Word. The foundation of this is (was) so important in my experience w/Brooke. Knowing Christ deeply and learning how He speaks to me was my foundation to this book.

Brooke has been doing pretty good. Her behaviors go up and down. We have a newly added therapist her name is Amber. We are excited for her to join the team.....Pray for Amber as she learns how to work w/brooke and teach her.

lessons from John:overview

a few years ago i went thru bible study fellowship....it's a wonderful study of God's word. I would encourage you to find out about it... i think if you go to www.bsfinternational.org you'll be able to find one close to you. That year we went thru the book of John...for you study the whole book for the whole school year, if you will. these next few emails i'll share my journey with you---what i learned, how God got my attention...its funny though because God showed by each chapter building on top of the other. Meaning if i would have read chapter 8 before chapter 3 it wouldn't have meant as much to me. so....shall i get started....?

John....a godly man, Jesus best friend was such rare find...For Jesus (God) entrusted Him w/so much. He must have trusted him with the fullness of who He was. For He entrusted Him to write the book of John, 1,2,3 John....and on top of that He entrusted him to write Revelations. wow.....how about that for a resume'. The question that arose to me as i sat on the edge of the seat was "what has God entrusted you w/ and what are you doing w/it"? This started my journey in my thinking process. Because i knew my answer...it was brooke...and i wasn't doing anything with it!

my song

God, my God, I cry out Your beloved needs You now God, be near, calm my fear And take my doubt Your kindness is what pulls me up Your love is all that draws me in I will lift my eyes to the Maker Of the mountains I can’t climb I will lift my eyes to the Calmer Of the oceans raging wild I will lift my eyes to the Healer Of the hurt I hold inside I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You God, my God, let Mercy sing Her melody over me God, right here all I bring Is all of me ‘Cause You are and You were and You will be forever The Lover I need to save me ‘Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God So hold me now--bebo noman

if you haven't heard this song yet....it's one that's on the top of my list. get your radio station to play it or something. Based on Ps. 121..... and based on my thoughts.

the voice

Brooke is doing good. the screaming still remains.
Just the other day brooke was taking a shower and she told molly "too hot". wow. we have been going over hot/cold in shower time...actually the water was too hot.

it sure is the little things in life that keep ya going. nothing moves me more than brooke saying something i've never heard her say-or her doing something we've worked weeks and even months on. they come and then they go like the wind....ya just gotta be watching and paying attention or you'll miss the soft spoken voice. it reminds me of the story in 1 Kings i believe...God did't speak in the whirlwind, thounderstorm, or anything like that....but the still small voice.

there's nothing that moves me more than God's word becoming alive and the still, soft, spoken voice of brooke.

precious prayers

Tonight as brooke laid in her bed i asked if she wanted to pray...she said nothing. So, i started a simple prayer. 'thank you Lord for this day...i love you (she said "you), please make me well amen' then she said "please, please". although i know that she is just repeating my words...it was so innocent and real and vulnerable and just precious. Please Lord....hear your daughter's heart and make her well. Please...Please.

we are taking some time away w/the boys. i'm looking forward to it...i need the away time with them. our therapist...tammy, molly and laura will be working and taking care of brooke's needs=please pray for them as they handle her behaviors...they have still remained to be on the high side.

petite jean

to every mountain there are valleys. in the valleys are snakes, thorn bushes, dark shadows, deep steeps and sharp rocks. i used to go to Petite Jean Mountain almost 6 months out of the year. the location is in mid-ark. i loved it there...one of favorite places to go. there is a waterfall there that is just beautiful. in fact, bill proposed on top of that waterfall just over 11 years ago. On the way down to the waterfall i saw the snakes, thorn bushes, dark shadows....deep steeps and sharp rocks. however....in the valley was this waterfall. I'll never forget the first time i saw it w/my friend michelle....what a view. Personally speaking.....i'm hitting the sharp rocks, seeing the dark shadows....apart from brooke. but the pureness of the waterfall flowing down reminds me of God's word ever so gently flooding my heart. (this picture is of petite jean mountain waterfall)

brooke is screaming louder lately--and her behaviors are up. come Lord....be in the valley w/us and pour on your pure word into springs of living water.

BTW

brooke has had a really good week...after breakfast on saturday she went voluntarily into the bathroom and got her toothbrush, she has worked well at the table-not slapping at her work but pointing to them as we have been shaping her fine motor skills. she has been extrememly loving...hitting the window has decreased to almost NONE...it's been a good week for her and we pray it continues.

NO change

just this week the phrase "i do not change" keeps entering my mind. i must say even though i have read this written in God's word serveral times just in the past couple of days i've taken a liken to it, a comfort, a peace, a richment. The same God who has done miracle after miracle, the same God that formed me, that created the heavens and the earth, the same God who rose Jesus, His Son, from the dead does not change. It gives me great comfort knowing that since He does not change I can hold tightly to the fact that in my circumstance the sky is the limit. don't you agree? however, it is His choice and not mine. but what i'm finding to be true this week that even though He does not change....i'm the one He changes instead....He changes my heart, changes my mind, my thoughts, my decisions, my will, my plans, my dreams, my goals, my--my--my.

So today i'm holding on the fact that HE does not change. This is giving me great peace and comfort.

over and abundant!

God has sent us not one therapist but 3! We are truely blessed. thank you for your prayers!!!

yesterday brooke was doing therapy at the table....she got up came in the kitchen (b/c she smelt the food---she takes after bill). I was cooking spaghetti. she ran in and looked at the stove and said "ghetti, ghetti"! i said YES!!! we are having spaghetti! i was so excited. she ate every bite! it's the little things...that keeps ya going.

wednesday wows!

brooke had an extraordinary day!

pray for:
a therapist
saturday (as i speak on what God has done in my life at a local church)

considering

i've been considering ps. 46.5 since yesterday when i read it in streams of the desert. I'll write a portion of its entry:

"Will not be moved" what an inspiring declaration! Is it possible for us who are so easily moved by earthly things to come to a point where nothing can upset us or disturb our peace? The answer is yes, and the apostle Paul knew it. When he was on his way to Jerusalem, the Holy Spirit warned him that "prision and hardships (acts 20.23) awaited him. Yet he could triumphantly say "but none of these things move me" (acts 20.24) Hannah Smith

I must say i've been w/o words as i've grasped on to this reality that with Jesus no situation or earthly measure could move me. Did you get that....am i the only one that seems alittle bit excited about this and inspired as Hannah Smith wrote? i must say that in the past week or so i've been tempted to be moved with anger, frustration, and hardships...but i've been encouraged in knowing w/God at my side...with Jesus in my heart, and with the Holy Spirit as my guide i cannot be moved. yes, paul knew this.....indeed he did...it is now my desire when things come my way not to be moved to the point of being upset or disturbed because of the peace we have in Him. Is. 26.3 plainly describes this! It's all about Trust, is it not?

doctor reports:

doctor reported nothing of big concern....so school tomorrow!

I'm excited to be sharing my testimony at a church in my area on saturday....pray that others would be encouraged as i share what great things God has done in my life (mostly w/brooke).

i'm loving this passage....i'll share more tomorrow on it. Ps. 46.5

taken for granted

i'm discovering more of in depth prayer life. how often we take for granted the option of releasing over everything we are in the hands of God. Someone said once to me...Jesus went to the cross just so we can talk w/God. If we take that in just for a minute...yeah, i'd say we do take for granted the magnitude of prayer. it's a priveledge to kneel at His feet and offer over everything that i don't have and that i do have. I don't want to take Him for granted. but oh how i do.....

brooke is sick. she did not go to church today....tomorrow we will take her to the doctor. Nothing major....low grade fever....and so forth. she let me lay with her all morning on the couch...it was a special morning for me to lay in her arms and drift off to sleep.

i don't understand...

just the other day the aid at school expressed to me that she gave brooke a command and brooke said "i don't understand". She gave the command again and brooke did what she asked. WOW! talk about amazing.

sometimes i don't understand either....understand the things God does, life and the list could go on...but what i do know is that God is good....and I hold on to that w/all that I have.

something new...

"do not call to mind the former things or ponder things of the past. behold i will do something new, now it will spring forth, will you not be aware of it? i willl even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert." isaiah

i'm on my heels waiting, anticipating what God is going to do with brooke. My vision is good, my mind is made up, and the past is behind me... the roadways and the rivers are like light to me and i'm holding fast to what God has in mind as i listen to His voice.

on a roll

well, brooke's past few days have been very good. they even told me why i was at school that the other day when asked to do a command she said "i do not understand". the command was again....and she then did it. i was impressed highly. at home she has done well during therapy time and we have started taking notch up. so......she's on a roll.

i'm headed out of town tomorrow...

amy carmichael

Isa 27. 8 He stayeth His rough wind in the day of the east wind.


"his rough wind" these words were a comfort to me this morning as i thought of my trials in flesh. By the time that wind reaches the child of the Father...it is His wind. and "he stayeth His rough wind in the day of the east wind". Things will never be too hard to bear. "we are troubled on every side yet not disressed; we are perplexed but not in depair". I have been finding this to be my strong food, and as i think of the rought wind, His rough wind, I am comforted."

this was taken from a jounrnal entry by amy carmichael. tonight i'm bothered by much and this passage was the wind i needed to go on. His rough wind. "HIS". not mine.

just dreams.

today is just one of those days where you wished dreams came true....where i woke up and brooke was well, healthy and not autistic....but instead she was telling me about her day at school and the new friends she met...and what she wanted to do for the weekend....and tell me she wanted ice-cream instead of a toy...or telling me she'd like a bath instead of a shower...or telling me she wanted to rent this movie all her friends were talking about...or show me this shirt she would really like to have.
but, it's not like that...and it may not ever be....how real can i get? it's frustrating, aggravating, hurtful, painful, and just plain a pain! but today----is just one of those days where you see dreams as shattered, she see life as difficult, you see your situation hopeless. But as a believer....i'm forced to HOLD on to Jesus who sees and hears all that is hidden in my heart and holds me until the sun comes up.

little break...

I've be taking a small break from butterflies and brooke for a bit.....
Some up-coming events are:

*meeting w/brooke's school tomorrow
*pray for 2 therapist that will work w/brooke
*pray for wisdom as we find out the meaning behind her screaming
*pray for our therapist--laura, molly, and tammy for guidance and patience

your prayers are appreciated and i'm eternally grateful!

priceless

buying your daughter's clothes: $150
buying her toys and a swing :$100
seeing her smile at you: hopeful
watching her learn new words: amazing
knowing God gave her to you: priceless

fun @ target...

this is before we found the Dora toy!

not defeated

today i'm weary, tired, perplexed, confused, soaked up like a sponge....but NOT defeated.

just one banana!

i was reminded of a story i read in a book by darlene debieler (or something like that....she was a missionary)dont' seem to remember her last name. she was in like a prision cell. the book is fabulous and must read, however i forgot the name of the book....and i gave it away to a friend. A faith unseen maybe....humm, don't know. at any rate....she was in this cell for so long that she had lost tons of weight b/c of eating oats (w/knats and worms in them).....She reached up to her window cell and saw a banana tree. She prayed "oh Lord, please just one banana"....
Later prision guards came to her...she feared the opening of the door whether to be beaten or else wise.....instead the guard threw in bananas. She sat there in disamay and counted the bananas........99!

wow! i'm reminded today that our God is full of surprises.....full of gifts....mended dreams....fulfilled promises and just for the heck of it.....98 bananas than what we ask for. He exceeds our needs.

bill gone...

bill will be gone til monday. Tammy will be my therapist this weekend. I'm dreading him leaving...and wish already it was monday. Pray for peace w/in the home....brooke and the boys.

More on Rett Syndrome

Happy Birthday to my (dani's) dad!!!

Yesterday was our doctors appointment in b/ham. It was insightful and i came away w/assurance in spite of unanswered questions. The doctor said Brooke does not have rett syndrome even thought she carries the gene. Our doctor is one of the leading specialists in this field and is certain brooke may not ever regress because of her age and how much she can do now. So, yesterday was insightful and full of important information to help her obtain the best of what she could and can do. We see this specialist every 6 months for research purposes. Thanks to his staff and their lovingkindness and their knowledge in this area of disability.

hanging on

My soul hangeth upon Thee: Thy right hand hat upholden me. (ps. 63.9)

In shadow of thy wings I'll joy; For thou mine help hast been. My soul Thee follows hard; and me Thy right hand doth sustain. (mertrical version)

Today has been about change. And in His arms i rest...and hangeth hard upon.

I AM

i'm reminded today not to put God in a box. He exceeds our needs if we allow Him to move and do more than we could even ask. I put Him in this box too many times in my life regarding brooke...cover it up...tape it up...and put it up in a closet somewhere....however Jesus says to me. "no dani, i can carry your burdens, i can do the unbelievable, i CAN...because I am the "I AM".

monday

today went well at school for the first day of getting back in the swing of things. She did well in therapy and was much better during shower/drying hair from the past few days.

Grief comes and goes. today it is here. The thing that gets me thru the grief is remembering. Remembering what God has done and being thankful for all the little things. the smiles-the laughter-unexpected hugs-grabbing your hand to show you something she wants to say but has difficulty. it is the little things in life....my motto in life, that keep ya going...that make you wonder what's coming around the corner...that makes you live for the next moment to see if it will be news breaking and make you wanta call all your friends b/c you see brooke doing something you've never done/seens before. grief. what a relief that we don't have to live in it. today my thoughts/prayers go out to trish and hannah. thanks trish.

school....

starts back up tomorrow. we are praying brooke will ease back in her routine at school and at home.

retts

I haven't said much about this b/c we really haven't had any issues concerning this; however, brooke was dx w/ retts syndrome at age 5. Retts is under the umbrellla of autism. It's only found in girls. Brooke does not show much of the outer characteristics of this sydrome. We have recently been concerned w/somethings concerning her w/this disorder and have started asking more questions, even though we see a specialist every 6 months in birmingham. there is much to be said about retts but instead if you are interested i'll just give you the website where there is alot of information. Brooke is in stage 3.

http://irsa3.timberlakepublishing.com/index.asp

long day

It's been a long day today. brooke started out this morning running from room to room to room...she started screaming in the am and it didn't stop until she went to bed. Laura worked w/brooke today at the table which went very well...but the screaming was still a main part of her day. she hit ethan w/a toy which ended up to be a knot on his head. her aggression was more than it has been in awhile for some reason. laura is tired, i'm tired....and ready to start off w/another day....it's been raining today as laura left we sang...."the sun will come out tomorrow...bettcha bottom dollar that tomorrow.....there be sun."

molly & brooke

this is great picture i think of molly and brooke. brooke laying her head on her chest to resembles a trusting. they have both come along way w/each other. A trust has occured that reminds me of the Lord.

How i want my head to be in the chest of Lords to so rightly related to Him...to trust know matter what.

Then seeing Mollys face lighting up....reminds me of how the Lords response is when we fall completely on Him. I'm there and it's a great place to be.

winter

i'm not to fond of the winter...the snow...i enjoy it but then i like for it to go away. we haven't seen any wintery snow. in alabama it's not something you can easily find. however....the winter does bring change. It's just part of nature. I would add that winter (hard pressing down) brings change also in our spiritual nature as we allow God to do so. Today i'm experiencing that...the snow has fallen, tree limbs have broken, the coldness has entered...but spring is around the corner bringing healing...newness. Even though i'm not fond of winter...it does bring to me something that is more than words can portray....a newness of life.

a look forward...

2007. i wonder what new things brooke will do, new words brooke will say, new adventures, new ideas, new therapist, new memories to replace the old....i guess only God reveals these things to us as we go into each new day. I know we are suppose to look at today only- for tomorrow is too much on my plate....but i have to look forward w/anticipation on what Jesus will do.

Lord, bless Brooke w/your fullness and may Your will be made known to us as each day approaches. May we live our lives w/thankfulness for what you have done for us. Help us w/your strength to endure, perserve, and to continue to depend on you for all we need. You are our Hope and our source of Life......