looking forward

wednesday (6th), brooke will be home for a couple of days. i cannot wait!

the iep went well, thanks for all those that prayed or thought of us. i did not get to see brooke. she was having a rough morning...and after the meeting they had gone out on an outing to the park.

today, i got a call from them saying another client had bitten her arm pretty good. it hurt me for her...i wanted to rush down and see her and just bring her home, but i could not. I hope she her little arm heals quickly....Lord Jesus, go quickly to aid and abide w/her as she sleeps.

what gives one hope?

-knowing today will turn into tomorrow

-knowing soon we will be spending eternity w/Jesus

-knowing that who i am today will not be who i will be with Jesus

-knowing one day brooke will finally say "momma" and know what that really means

-knowing the stars in the sky each are named by God

-knowing peace when you put your head on your pillow at night

-knowing friends that know things about you and still offer mercy to you

-knowing God has treasures in store for me-for me to have

-knowing that Jesus protects me-even when i don't know it

-knowing His mercies are new every morning

my favorite word in the Bible is Hope. there is a passage in Romans 5 that says "'and Hope does not disappoint". Tonight i'm hanging on to that truth. I'm tired. Weary. Heart-broken; yet, i have hope...and my God will not disappoint me. This I know...this is what gives me hope.

IEP/fresh air

IEP stands for individual education plan. Wednesday i'll be traveling back down for her meeting. i will not be able to see brooke that day, she has a dentist appointment and she will be kinda "out of it". these meetings are always important to us. they give a foundation of where she is and how we want her to improve in the next year. This past year we have seen little improvement, so we may have to go back a few steps in order for her to go forward. the meetings are almost always an emotional time for me as i see, hear, read where she is mentally. I'll be going alone for Wednesdays are always a hard time for Bill to get out of the office, especially for a meeting as such...for sometimes, they can be lengthy.

it was great to see her yesterday. my friend, kim and i went to see brooke for a quick visit...hence the pictures on the blog prior. the entrance to the house and her "seat" are easy targets. once i opened the door, she saw me and almost instantly got up. wow. I didn't want to look away. that moment lit up my face! she started to smile and then as if it were a script in a movie we both (it seemed in slow motion) ran towards each other. the embrace (always awkward) was great! i was reminded of my relationship w/the Lord. Even though we don't see Him, we read His word, pray to Him, and feel His embrace in ways we cannot express (sometimes awkward). Whatever the case, when our eyes meet (because more than likely I've looked away from Him), it is like a breath of fresh air has entered my heart. I never want to look away!

sunday's visit at Glenwood

torn into

tonight, my heart is torn into pieces. brooke is suppose to be home w/us right now. sometimes, i wonder if she knows it's time for us to get her and we don't come because situations have come up we cannot get around. at any rate, i'm torn into tonight. this week has been a difficult week other than that of brooke. life just hurts sometimes and this week has been a week of hurts. however, the Lord is there...being there. just there. not "removing" the situation, but calmly walking/sitting with us until we are done crying, or when we need His embrace.

tonight was a special night. i was able to go out on a boat with a family in the late afternoon. it was nice to just do nothing, be with close friends. it's nice you don't have to explain/express anything, but just being in anothers company is another way God gives His comfort.

I can't wait to see your face brooke. you sure make me smile! i miss seeing it.

what's for dinner?

there are so many days i have missed w/o brooke being by my side. when she left for her first facility at age 7, i never expected for it to be this hard. today she was suppose to come home for a home visit. this visit has now been delayed. however, in the next couple of weeks, she be home. this picture is typical when she does come home. i'm ususally fixing dinner, and she stands beside me until its done. (she must like my food). she then runs to the table and waits til i put it on her plate for her to eat. i'm anticipating her standing w/me soon to see what's for dinner.

protection

i have thought of this word all day. protection.
Webster dictionary says it this way: "supervision or support of one that is smaller and weaker". I know the Lord sees Brooke, holds her, watches expectantly over her...but this description of the supervisor brings to me a different look. i use to help my dad work on projects around the house. sometimes plumbing, sometimes putting shingles on a roof, sometimes the smallest thing of picking up leaves and putting them in a bag. my dad...just watched. i asked him from time to time, "why are you not helping?" his response was..."I'm supervising". i noticed, that my dad didn't move his eye off of me when i was doing a job, he was carefully observing if i did things correctly, and would correct me if it was done wrong. the same way, i know the Lord does this with brooke; however, differently. he carefully watches her--never budging. Protection. He is giving her support--support to the smaller and weaker. This gives me confidence, it gives me peace, and i know that because He does this (with us too), that He is madly in love with us. I'm grateful for His protection. grateful indeed!

His instruments

"your present circumstances that seem to be pressing so hard against you are the perfect tool in the Father's hand to chisel you into shape for eternity. So, trust Him and never push away the instrument He is using, or you will miss the result of His work in your life."
i read this--this morning. I loved the truth to this as i am walking in my journey with the Lord.

instruments can be used in many ways, and come in many ways. recently, God has put a couple of different instruments in my life to buff me, purify my thought life, give me encouragement, and sustain me. but the way the Lord uses His instruments are amazing. like the quote said...never push away the instrument. boy, in my life, i've wanted and have pushed away the one thing that was going to hurt me...because santification does hurt. however, Christ didn't run away from the one thing (cross) that was going to hurt Him. Stand firm, my friend. the end result is a blessing and an amazing relationship with God.

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as for brooke, she will not be coming home this week, which makes me sad. bill is going to be gone for some of that visit and we all want to see and visit with her. however, like i said, she will coming home in the few weeks. i will get to see her on the 30th for a IEP meeting. this, as always, is an important meeting as we make desicions for the next year concerning her behavior and education plan. please be in prayer for this.

thank you for your concern and well-being over her life. God is not finished with her and i am excited to see what God will show us thru my little instrument!

little river canyon

little river canyon is such a beautiful place. my friend kim and i went on a camping trip to northeast alabama for a couple days...making the most out of nature. hey, we didn't do so bad! we had wonderful food we made over an open fire (stuffed mushrooms, squash, potatoes, zucchini, and a marinated chicken too tender to eat...plus you can't forget the unforgetable "hamburger"). We also saw some sights i had never seen before. the beauty God created and does create w/in us is breathtaking! isn't like our Lord to give us things we don't deserve. it's in His character. and if we sit just for a moment and listen we can see it. it's Him. it always has been.

brooke update

wanted to give somewhat of an update on brooke. she has had somewhat of a bad few weeks. she's been having some accidents at night these can tend to be stressful. because some of the children had chicken pox the facility was closed down...and students were not allowed to leave the area. now that this is over...finally. they are able to get out and do things w/in the community.
unfournetly we will not be able to get brooke this neek week as scheduled. bill is going out of town to help out another church and i would left with the extra duties we share. with that said, we have arranged anther time for her to be home so that everyone can visit with her...i think it's the second week in August. maybe i can take her to see my parents...i know they would love to see her. Please continue to pray for her. Somethings you can pray specificly for are her understanding of things, that she would use her words to express herself. (she has a low limit vocabulary). thanks for your prayers....even though we have to wait an extra time to see her, i hope to get down there for a couple of hours to be w/her, take her to lunch,....and then maybe see a friend of mine in Atlanta, God willing. Blessings to you!

habitation

the past few days i have harbored in my heart a passage of scripture i memorized years ago. Ps. 71.3 says: "Be Thou my Rock and my Fortress whereunto I may continually resort; You have given commandment to save me, You are my Rock and my Fortress". this morning i came across this word from amy carmichael that drilled in this passage once again. it came as a comfort to me in the early mornings. She wrote:

"Perhaps we are allowed to feel our nothingness, so that we may in the depths of our heart understand those words "Without Me ye can do nothing." I think there was something of this in our Lord Jesus' mind when he told the story of one who had nothing to set before his friend--not a crumb--and it was midnight. He will give us not just crumbs, but loaves--"He will rise and give him as many as he needeth.""

i don't know about you, but i can't do it. i cannot live without Him...and believe me, i have tried. I just messed up things more than what they were. It's in knowing that i am helpless that makes me see the broader picture. i NEED to be reminded daily to rely on Him. my old nature gets in the way though...so, i do need to be reminded daily to rely on Him. sometimes it's moment by moment, other times minute by minute, and lots of times i go on...little by little. to be honest, i like it this way because no one can reach my wounded heart except Christ. when i'm with Him nothing else matters, my bread of need is given to me and i'm in complete habitation. It's a longing. A thirst. A hunger.

my warrior

a friend of mine reminded me a scripture i just love:

Exodus 14.14 "the Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still".

i love the thought of the Lord fighting on my behalf. i often feel as if i need to fight...fight off cravings, evil desires, my thought life...and so it goes. however, over time, i have learned that i cannot do this without the Lord's help. "you need only to be still". i'm the opposite of this, being still. thinking i can do it myself gets me in more trouble. pride. relying on the Lord to fight on my behalf is an encouragement to "hear", but putting it into practice and living this out daily is difficult until you try it. although i still need to be reminded (daily), that i cannot fight "things" off in my life, it's in the resting and in the being still that brings such peace; peace i hold on to.

He is my warrior. He gladly takes this responsibility and i love it!

busy

we have had a busy last couple of weeks. it's hard to believe we are in the middle of july. Brooke will be coming home in the next couple of weeks and i haven't been ever more ready! my world seems to stop revolving and it becomes all about her. i miss you brooke!

someday

there is a sign in brooke's room that says this saying, "someday my Prince will come". Brooke will never marry, but oh, she will dance with her Prince, Jesus one day. I long too, to dance with Him. grieving today.

not the same

the swing outside is empty.
there's no "dora" music singin' in the house.
brooke's bed is not messy.
biscuits are not made every morning.

our house is just not the same without you here sweetie. the lamp in your room will stay on (once again) until you come home for another visit.