restless

brooke's day was quite restless. nothing seemed to get her settled. whether eating, playing, watching tv....you could tell something was bothering her. i'm reminded of the woman.....who touched the hem of Jesus cloak and was healed. I won't give up praying that one day....Jesus will touch her restless body and she will be healed. If not....if it never comes...so be it and His grace will see us thru.

dreams

Therapist and close friend Molly had a dream the other night about Brooke....this is what she remembered:

Someone asked Brooke, "do you have autism Brooke, do you have autism?" brooke responded w/ "for now i do".

i thought that was pretty neat. We are not sure whether or not brooke will respond that way- but we pray in faith that one day she will say "i did, but not anymore."

John 5

The next biggest thing i learned in John is found in chapter 5. This is a neat story if i ever read one. If you have a chance, read it before you move on. A man 38 years sick....sitting on his mat....a man (Jesus) walks up and asks a silly but moving question. Do you wish to get well? Are we so pre-occupied w/our situation that we don't even see Jesus standing near us? Are we so distracted w/our self that we don't notice His voice? I was! The man's response could have honestly been mine. "i have no one to put me in the water". It almost sounds like pity..... i was in the midst of a pity party. "my daaaauuuuuggggttttteeerrrrr is aaaauuuuttttisssssttticcc. The question He asks though requires a responsibility....a deeper commitment. First God asks the impossible, then He removes the possibility for a relapse, and then He expects success...GET UP!
the man had to decide to obey....his faith had to move into action. He had to get past the excuses. If Jesus told you to pick up your security blanket.....what would it be? Don't expect to be carried. Jesus helps the helpless...the paralyzed. This is where i was paralyzed in the idea of autism. However, where we find our hope and security is not in some security blanket, or even stirring waters....but getting up and trusting in the voice that says "Get up?" no question about it.

John 1

Because of personal reasons i have not been able to do the blog as i like....however, i hope to not delay any longer and share my experiences in John.

My experience w/John 1 is simple. To know Him as healer, sustainer, friend....we have to really know Him. If we want to know God we have got to know Jesus. He made it clear who He was and who He was not. The most important purpose in life is knowing Christ and knowing His Word. The foundation of this is (was) so important in my experience w/Brooke. Knowing Christ deeply and learning how He speaks to me was my foundation to this book.

Brooke has been doing pretty good. Her behaviors go up and down. We have a newly added therapist her name is Amber. We are excited for her to join the team.....Pray for Amber as she learns how to work w/brooke and teach her.

lessons from John:overview

a few years ago i went thru bible study fellowship....it's a wonderful study of God's word. I would encourage you to find out about it... i think if you go to www.bsfinternational.org you'll be able to find one close to you. That year we went thru the book of John...for you study the whole book for the whole school year, if you will. these next few emails i'll share my journey with you---what i learned, how God got my attention...its funny though because God showed by each chapter building on top of the other. Meaning if i would have read chapter 8 before chapter 3 it wouldn't have meant as much to me. so....shall i get started....?

John....a godly man, Jesus best friend was such rare find...For Jesus (God) entrusted Him w/so much. He must have trusted him with the fullness of who He was. For He entrusted Him to write the book of John, 1,2,3 John....and on top of that He entrusted him to write Revelations. wow.....how about that for a resume'. The question that arose to me as i sat on the edge of the seat was "what has God entrusted you w/ and what are you doing w/it"? This started my journey in my thinking process. Because i knew my answer...it was brooke...and i wasn't doing anything with it!

my song

God, my God, I cry out Your beloved needs You now God, be near, calm my fear And take my doubt Your kindness is what pulls me up Your love is all that draws me in I will lift my eyes to the Maker Of the mountains I can’t climb I will lift my eyes to the Calmer Of the oceans raging wild I will lift my eyes to the Healer Of the hurt I hold inside I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You God, my God, let Mercy sing Her melody over me God, right here all I bring Is all of me ‘Cause You are and You were and You will be forever The Lover I need to save me ‘Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God So hold me now--bebo noman

if you haven't heard this song yet....it's one that's on the top of my list. get your radio station to play it or something. Based on Ps. 121..... and based on my thoughts.

the voice

Brooke is doing good. the screaming still remains.
Just the other day brooke was taking a shower and she told molly "too hot". wow. we have been going over hot/cold in shower time...actually the water was too hot.

it sure is the little things in life that keep ya going. nothing moves me more than brooke saying something i've never heard her say-or her doing something we've worked weeks and even months on. they come and then they go like the wind....ya just gotta be watching and paying attention or you'll miss the soft spoken voice. it reminds me of the story in 1 Kings i believe...God did't speak in the whirlwind, thounderstorm, or anything like that....but the still small voice.

there's nothing that moves me more than God's word becoming alive and the still, soft, spoken voice of brooke.

precious prayers

Tonight as brooke laid in her bed i asked if she wanted to pray...she said nothing. So, i started a simple prayer. 'thank you Lord for this day...i love you (she said "you), please make me well amen' then she said "please, please". although i know that she is just repeating my words...it was so innocent and real and vulnerable and just precious. Please Lord....hear your daughter's heart and make her well. Please...Please.

we are taking some time away w/the boys. i'm looking forward to it...i need the away time with them. our therapist...tammy, molly and laura will be working and taking care of brooke's needs=please pray for them as they handle her behaviors...they have still remained to be on the high side.

petite jean

to every mountain there are valleys. in the valleys are snakes, thorn bushes, dark shadows, deep steeps and sharp rocks. i used to go to Petite Jean Mountain almost 6 months out of the year. the location is in mid-ark. i loved it there...one of favorite places to go. there is a waterfall there that is just beautiful. in fact, bill proposed on top of that waterfall just over 11 years ago. On the way down to the waterfall i saw the snakes, thorn bushes, dark shadows....deep steeps and sharp rocks. however....in the valley was this waterfall. I'll never forget the first time i saw it w/my friend michelle....what a view. Personally speaking.....i'm hitting the sharp rocks, seeing the dark shadows....apart from brooke. but the pureness of the waterfall flowing down reminds me of God's word ever so gently flooding my heart. (this picture is of petite jean mountain waterfall)

brooke is screaming louder lately--and her behaviors are up. come Lord....be in the valley w/us and pour on your pure word into springs of living water.

BTW

brooke has had a really good week...after breakfast on saturday she went voluntarily into the bathroom and got her toothbrush, she has worked well at the table-not slapping at her work but pointing to them as we have been shaping her fine motor skills. she has been extrememly loving...hitting the window has decreased to almost NONE...it's been a good week for her and we pray it continues.

NO change

just this week the phrase "i do not change" keeps entering my mind. i must say even though i have read this written in God's word serveral times just in the past couple of days i've taken a liken to it, a comfort, a peace, a richment. The same God who has done miracle after miracle, the same God that formed me, that created the heavens and the earth, the same God who rose Jesus, His Son, from the dead does not change. It gives me great comfort knowing that since He does not change I can hold tightly to the fact that in my circumstance the sky is the limit. don't you agree? however, it is His choice and not mine. but what i'm finding to be true this week that even though He does not change....i'm the one He changes instead....He changes my heart, changes my mind, my thoughts, my decisions, my will, my plans, my dreams, my goals, my--my--my.

So today i'm holding on the fact that HE does not change. This is giving me great peace and comfort.

over and abundant!

God has sent us not one therapist but 3! We are truely blessed. thank you for your prayers!!!

yesterday brooke was doing therapy at the table....she got up came in the kitchen (b/c she smelt the food---she takes after bill). I was cooking spaghetti. she ran in and looked at the stove and said "ghetti, ghetti"! i said YES!!! we are having spaghetti! i was so excited. she ate every bite! it's the little things...that keeps ya going.