rough

brooke had another rough day at school and home.
we will get back to doing therapy at the table w/her at home soon.

Jesus loves Brooke

tonight....my jaws are clutched....my eyes are swolllen....and my heart hurts w/pain for Brooke. i have no words but these:

Jesus loves Brooke this i know, for the Bible tells me so, little ones to
Him belong they are weak but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves Brooke...Yes, Jesus
loves Brooke, Yes Jesus loves Brooke....the Bible tells me so.

praise while powerless

this happens to be my life verse w/ brooke...the whole chapter is great....but i just wanted to jot down some main passages.....

2 chronicles 20. 12 For we are powerless before this great multitude who are coming against us; nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are on Thee....15 and he said, "Listen, all Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem and King Jehoshaphat: thus says the LORD to you, `Do not fear or be dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours but God's. 16 `Tomorrow go down against them. Behold, they will come up by the ascent of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the valley in front of the wilderness of Jeruel. 17 `You need not fight in this battle; station yourselves, stand and see the salvation of the LORD on your behalf, O Judah and Jerusalem.' Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out to face them, for the LORD is with you." 18 And Jehoshaphat bowed his head with his face to the ground, and all Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem fell down before the LORD, worshiping the LORD. 19 And the Levites, from the sons of the Kohathites and of the sons of the Korahites, stood up to praise the LORD God of Israel, with a very loud voice.

I'm learning how to praise God in the midst of being powerless. i'm learning how to abide in the midst of a tangled world. i'm learning how to rest in the arms of our Lord b/c HE SAYS SO. i'm learning how to focus my eyes on Him during a stressful moment. i'm learning to stand. I'm learning to CALL on the Lord b/c i do not know what to do. it's not in our human nature to do such things as these...but as we die to ourself...moment by moment it's possible to release, to be revived. Praise....I wanta live there. i wanta be there. no matter what....no matter when...no matter how. Lord....let me praise while i'm powerless.

in need of peace

chelation weekend. screaming still going on...yeast infection still going on...

i know she is hurting, she hast to be. our family needs a peaceful weekend...this week has been long and busy.

our mind is set on Thee....Is. 26.3

when i sing...

Pass me not, O gentle Savior, hear my humble cry, while on others Thou art
calling, do not pass me by. Let me at Thy throne of mercy find a sweet relief
knoeeling there in dee contrition help my unbelief. trusting only in thy
merit would i seek thy face heal my wounded broken spirit save me by thy grace.
Thou the spring of all my comfort more than life to me, whom have i on earth
beside Thee? whom in heaven but Thee? Franny Crosby

when i'm down i sing, when i'm down i love to hear songs of worship, when i'm down my heart can't speak words...i can only sing songs that pull me towards Him...and in that moment....I know that there is no better ears to hear my song.....but Thee.

just 2 words...

the teacher called me this morning around 9:15...she said brooke had been very upset---crying and could not be controlled. the aide she has said to brooke "brooke, what do you want?" brooke said "HEAD"....then the aide said "what's wrong w/your head?" brooke responded with "hurt".

okay- 2 words right? but what that says to us is everything! by the way....i went down and gave her some motrin for her head-ache....and she was fine the rest of the day. brooke communicated today! She spoke hurt, concern, feeling, emotion, pain...she spoke!!!!

one of her therapist has been gone for a week and she even told her, in the middle of counting to 10, that she missed her. something is happening! something great is taking place!

How great is our God....sing w/me, pray w/me, praise w/me.....HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD!

o love that wilt not let me go

O Love that wilt not let me go, I rest my weary soul in Thee; I give Thee back the life I owe, That in Thine ocean depths its flow May richer fuller be.
O Joy that seekest me thro pain I cannot close my heart to Thee; I trace the rainbow thro the rain, And feel the promise is not vain That morn shall tearless be. george matheson

how is brooke?

this is the question i've been getting over the past few weeks....i sometimes don't know how to answer this fairly easy question...so i thought i'd jot down some thoughts for those that are interested.

brooke is sick, but not sick in the way we usually think. it's more a consequence of the chelation...consequences we knew she'd experience with the bio-medical stuff. chelation isn't easy on anyone no matter if you are an adult or child. i believe she is having a hard time right now because of the chelation process. as much as i hate doing the chelation i can't wait til the results come.....and they will....but this is a process and things take time, i do know that. We've seen some good things....and we've seen some tough things....but i believe it's all been a part of the chelation. i see the dark circles under her eyes...the tired look in her eyes...the frustration of various behaviors...the yeast infection that has gone on for months....and then i see her laughing out-loud at a tv show for no reason at all... i see her counting w/dora (on the tv)...i see her going to the bathroom sometimes independently...i see her saying her full name w/help...i see her interacting w/her therapist...i see her trying.

so, how is brooke? she's trying...and we are waiting.

it's almost spiritual a friend mentioned to me....we have to go back and let God dig out all the stuff in our life. a spiritual chelation if you will. and boy---the things to come from it are endless and fulfilling...they are a mystery and a treasure...they are fruit and life...they are more than we could ever imagine w/our minds eye. so, i'm waiting and walking w/brooke until its done....and God is doing the same w/us.

yeast

hopefully help is on the way w/brooke's yeast problem. she's been hurting so bad w/yeast....we've tried all types of home rememdies......however, today we got some meds in the mail that i hope will help.

abiding

it's been raining tons here....winds are high....leaves are starting to fall...and dead limbs from trees are everywhere we go in our yard.

i've been thinking about abiding lately. this picture kinda sums up my thoughts. when i think of abiding i think of a continual presense, a closeness, always there....i could make a big list. when i see the dead branches around me i'm brought to the passage in John 15. Brooke has abiding down pat i think. This is something she doesn't need to learn b/c someone is always w/her. she is helpless on her own....and likewise. I'm learning from her...and i'm put in my place. I hope Jesus sees me as a "wanting" to abide b/c of the helplessness i'm in. Brooke you amaze me....and i love you. thank you for teaching me...i have learned more than i could ever think/imagine from you.

heaven

just today Josiah ran in the house and said "MOM, MOM....guess what? Brooke is going to talk in Heaven!" i said..."she sure is"...."yeah", he said, "and do you know know what i'm going to tell her....I'm going to tell her i love her and she's going to tell me she loves me"!

what precious words today- words i needed to hear....words of hope....encouragement....love...sympathy...compassion....and a childlike faith.

ask, seek, knock...

and it will be opened to you. the same request still remains in our prayers. it's been chelation weekend but the behaviors are still the same. we will, like i said before, do test to see if the metals are moving and treat things bio-medically first.

Jesus went to the cross for us so we could have the priveledge of praying.....and going to God. Do we take this for granted?

REQUEST

please pray we find some answers w/the screaming....it started very early this morning and has continued.
we'll talk to the doctor today...and talk w/consultants as well.
your prayers make a difference....

fall break

it's fall break here as well as alot of places i'm sure...it's been a pretty crazy day---brooke is still screaming and hitting...it's been hard to staisfy the boys needs and spend time w/brooke as well. of course we have therapist here and they are a great help....but i as a mom, i still need to spend time w/brooke even though she is being well taken care of.

the leaves will soon fall...and the cold air will hit w/a chill on our faces...the clocks will fall back...and the halloween candy will all be eaten...but one thing remains the same. OUR GOD never takes a fall break from His children. He remains faithful to us...loving us...holding us...and never leaves us or forsakes us. I'm grateful for the break the kids get to have away from school to spend some extra time w/them and i'm ever so grateful for Jesus who never fails and remains in my company as the seasons change.

consider

consider the lilies of the field.my favorite word in the Bible just happens to be "Consider"....I'm a big thinker and there are several things i can say about this passage.However...i'm drawn to say...

He cares

He is there

He is listening

He carries me

He talks to me

He fights for me

HE...

look up in the sky...

the screaming has returned...along with hitting herself and windows and head banging in the shower. i share this not to complain....but as a prayer request to change. i believe the chelation is having a great affect on her and her behaviors. we will start new test in the next few weeks to see what is going on. The screaming is an endurance test for us....it gets kinda overwhelming and it makes you wanta scream too.

lately i have seen so many rainbows.....call it what you want, but i call it a visual from God to keep on keeping on. to do the next thing. to endure. not to give in. not to quit. but to hope....to believe...to seek...to know...to trust...to obey...and to help the helpless. i scream out my prayers to my God who knows...i make my request to my God who is so personal to me He paints it in the sky...and i sometimes remain so quiet and still and my mouth cannot utter a word that He interceeds on my behalf to give me strength. I wish i knew why she was screaming..why she hit things..and why she looks at me the way she does.

just thinking....

i've been thinking about John 11 lately....when Jesus decides to wait after hearing of Mary and Martha's brother dying...He waited and didn't come RIGHT then....sometimes i wonder why....why the wait. It's clear in this passage what the answer is:

"Did i not say to you, if you believe, you will see the glory of
God?"

do we not want to see the glory of God? i know i do....but my actions/words sometimes say otherwise.

Oh Lord, Your Glory we long to see....so i wait, i wait on your timing, i wait in trust, i wait knowing you know best, i wait knowing you plan is perfect and blameless. help me to wait.

Most the time, we want God to fix our circumstance---but i'm sure that if we don't wait we miss out on God's riches and blessings He desires to display to us. i desire to choose waiting. "waiting is often the greatest part of love" someone once told me.

safe embrace....

a couple of days ago i was drying brooke's hair....it's usually a battle. sometimes she likes it okay and others she is aggressive. this day i was surprised by a simple gesture we take for granted as a "hug". as i dried her hair, she faced me put both arms around me connecting her hands on my back and held on. an unexpected embrace, a simple expression of love, a breath of fresh air, and a touch of God. At first, i must say i was alarmed thinking she was going to head butt me, however, she laid her head of my chest and though it seemed like we stood there forever w/the air hitting her head....it was a split second of God's love. safe....in His embrace.

what's in a name?

I'm thrilled to announce to you that when asked "what is your name?" brooke responds w/"Brooke"!

the girls have been teaching her this not long at all....it's just exciting....she knows her name...she speaks her name....

it reminds me that HE knows her name, her frame, and He speaks her. what a sweet sound.

clarification about bootcamp

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my pit circumstance is not due to brooke or my family or anything like that....just my walk w/God....where He is taking me as an individual....i just wanted to clarify.
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