the report is in

it was a great day on the road with brooke to birmingham to the doctor. the only time she displayed behavior is when we got out of the car to go into the office. after she was offered "dora the explorer" her world was good to go!

the doctor made some suggestions especially that of her diet. brooke as recently lost some weight and because of her height she is in need for more calories/intake. over the past few months her hands/wrist have needed some attention. her fingers/wrist are swollen because she bites them in moments of stress. it was suggested to protective wrist band in the night so that if she hits it against the bed/wall she will be safe. during the day her staff attends to her behavior as needed to protect her from any further damage.

all in all the appointment was good. they noticed improvement.

I didn't get to see her yesterday...but today i hope to run over & kiss her face.

brooke...Jesus has got you! (and your mommy)

are you kidding me?

has it really been this long since i posted? i am so sorry for the delay...i have been in a world of my own and time has slipped away. However....i'm eager in "getting back".

My summer work schedule has not allowed me to visit/work with brooke at the school...so i go to her group home and catch up on all the activities of the day. i enjoy seeing her at the group home and i'm learning alot of how she plays, interacts, does chores, and etc.

Brooke is so tall, beautiful, and full of energy!

Brooke has her yearly doctors appointment in Birmingham tomorrow. we will journey up with 2 of her staff and see Dr. Percy. I will post pictures tomorrow and share information about her visit.

until then...yes, we are still alive!

I know...

lately i just haven't posted like i use to. i guess i'm just so busy. in january bill and i switched from taking care of teenage girls to elementary boys! BIG DIFFERENCE. i usually don't post anything on my work life because basically it doesn't have much to do w/brooke. but, lately, we have been getting use to the transition from the girls to the boys. i guess it will never be quite the same (boys and girls are so different)...but it is a bit nice to be the only girl in the house. :-)


these past weeks josiah and ethan have expressed more about brooke than they have in the past. could be some of the movies they have seen lately or maybe....they're just missing their big sister. ethan laid in his bed the other night and cried so hard saying, "i wish brooke wasn't autistic. i want her to live with us." okay, i know i grieve from time to time...but when your child grieves, it hurts...big time. i love seeing brooke w/her brothers. they can be all up in her space and she just looks at them and laughs. sometimes she throws punches, but then again what are sisters for...especially when your all up in a "girl's space." gotta love it!



we had brooke over this past sunday night to spend the night w/us at the relief house. it was a short visit...but it was precious. i love waking up w/her at my side. sometimes i'm awakened w/a slap to my face and other times a soft kiss on my head, cheek, elbow, shoulder...she makes the connection, and it is precious. it makes me smile when she just lays there very still, silent, and i can hear and feel her heart beat. it makes me wonder. i love brooke so much.



today i will have lunch w/her.

brooke and me

most of you know i am observing at TLT twice a week to help w/brooke. i am learning a ton. i appreciate her staff letting me hang in there w/them.

brooke's b/day is march 6th, saturday. she will be 13!

we've come a long way baby...happy early birthday! i give you my life!

laundry time

can't say i'm always that happy about doing laundry! this shot was taken at her group home....just precious!

christmas, friends, rest

here are a few pictures from Christmas at her group home

her direct staff (tiffany, in the yellow shirt), and jennifer (regional director, in brown sweater) helped brooke open her gifts. I'm grateful for her precious staff that dedicate their lives to reach out to children like brooke.

we also had a very special treat a couple weeks ago. Laura (one of brooke's therapist back up north came for a visit. she was able to see brooke (now almost as tall as her) at her group home. i did take a picture but i haven't downloaded it yet....but i will. however the first picture you see is of laura working w/brooke years ago and then w/me when she was here. ld...it was wonderful to see you. you are a dear friend and your precious little baby is a blessing! enjoy her! i love you.

==============

Mark 6:31 says "come away and rest awhile". personally, this is where i am. i have alot on my plate right now...a wonderful and yet raw plate.

some days i wish brooke and i could go on a trip and make up many years...however,

i had a very dear friend tell me recently something i have never thought of...she said, "dani, stop thinking so much....if i sat and thought of everything i would be missing out on then i would be missing what is in front of me and we are not guaranteed tomorrow." those may not be the exact words, but very powerful for me. i am resting....resting in what i have and loving it.

update 2110

I apologize for the delay in blogging. work has kept me on my toes as we have know transitioned into the boys cottage. we have 5 boys which makes 7...bill making 8 and me...yes, the only girl in the house. all is going well w/the change.

Update on Brooke:

this past season (as you have noticed w/no blogs) have been difficult, unmanageable, and for me personally sad. i have been grieving for some time now. you'll notice that about me. i don't blog when i'm really down. however things are looking up. let me give you the low down on all that has happened in the past few months.

brooke finally got off her behavior meds. a week later she started her cycle for the first time, she got a new roommate and she moved to another classroom. yes, that is alot for an autistic child. none of this was planned but it sure happened. thanksgiving and Christmas as i mentioned in an earlier post was difficult. i will post some picture soon. our camera has not been working well. i also wanted to get her new years eve/day....after her arriving to house for a 2 hour visit she left 45 minutes earlier. it was probably the worst visits to the cottage.

however, just this past weekend she came to the relief house w/us and it was like another child! she was happy and loving. i was able to sleep w/brooke and it felt wonderful to wake up beside her in the morning.

we are not aware of all the behavior changes going on right now but her staff are working hard to find the function of her behaviors. i am going to the school twice a week now and i'm learning so much which helps when she does come home for a visit.

even though life is a bit tough w/her at times does not change our love and attention to her. she is a beautiful child and i'm grateful God blessed me w/her. God has also blessed me w/many wonderful people that work with her at the school and i am a different person b/c of the love and compassion they show to children w/special needs.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!!!

we are enjoying spending family time w/one another. we are working at the home but brooke is over for Christmas eve and Christmas day! there is nothing like being together, no matter how short it is!

have a wonderful holiday!!

laughter

she cracks me up!!!

rough road

sorry for the lack of updating. i was a bit discouraged Thanksgiving and haven't felt like writing much.
Brooke did not do very well Thanksgiving Day. after 30 minutes of being here i was almost ready to take her back to her group home. we were on duty at the cottage so it was a bit hard to manage both worlds. she settled down for just a tiny bit but into the night we had to take her back to TLT so they could get her behaviors controlled.
it was hard and we were not able to take any pictures of the visit.
we had hoped to take her to Memphis next week for Christmas but have decided it wouldn't be the best idea.
we will be working on Christmas and do hope Brooke can come to the cottage for a few days in a row; however, she will not spend the night.

if you could remember her in your prayers as brooke continues to transition with new surroundings and people. pray also for her staff as they daily work w/her and all the children. they are amazing people!

soon...

and very soon, brooke will be joining us for a Thanksgiving meal.

it'll be the first time she'll be spending the night at the cottage...it'll be so sweet to have her here with us.

i'll be putting up some pictures later.

very thankful to be near her and my family this year!

some days...

are harder than others. tonight brooke cannot escape my mind and i miss her being in the same house with me. i'm grateful for the care she is getting and her improvement; however, the grief still remains at times.

just having one of those nights i guess.

another thing that has not escaped my mind is a story in the Bible. the story is of the woman that had a hemorrhage for many years and she reached out to touch the cloak of Jesus and she was healed. I love this story! what i've thought of is the fact that she pressed thru the crowd. i can just see her moving her arms like a swimmer doing brush strokes...digging thru the crowd to get to Jesus or get to Him enough to touch the hem of His garment. i love the idea of "pressing thru". i guess this is where i'm at spiritually...pressing thru to touch, get near, embrace, lean heavily on, clasp, and hold onto Him.

i'm mindless without Him.

small changes

boy, i haven't posted anything in a while....we have been very busy at the cottage and our laptop broke. bummer!

about a 1 1/2 ago brooke was put on some medication to help with her behaviors. as of a couple of weeks ago she completely came off these meds. brooke's behaviors have changed quite a bit. last saturday she was suppose to come to the cottage for dinner. i was encouraged NOT to get her, she was having a hard day.

this past week we were on break. she spent part of the afternoon and had dinner with us. it was good to have her in our home for a short time. as a friend says to me "i take what i can get".

yesterday she got a well needed haircut.
she will spend Thanksgiving with us next week and i hope she'll be able to spend then night.

I'm grateful this year that we live so close to one another. i love you brookie!

running

i love this picture....brooke's shadow looks like a cross and it appears as if she was running to it. i love the irony of it all!

i'm running to the cross with you brooke. thank you for your gentle reminders.

together

lately i have really been longing to see some special friends. grieving if you will because we live so far from one another. i love what paul says in Philippians 1:7 "i long to see you with the affection of Christ Jesus".

tonight i was reading amy carmichael's "Edges of His Ways". this is what i read:

2 thess. 2:1, "our gathering together with Him."

We may be separated now, we may see little of some whom we want to see often. there are many partings in life; never once are we promised the joy of long continuance together here, but "our gathering together unto Him" is a certain joy. everyday as it passes brings us nearer that day when we shall gather together unto Him. if it can be such joy to be together here, what will it be to be gathered There?

I enjoy reading things from amy! i love my friends and i love my family! i can't wait to be gathered up with Him. and when i am gathered with Him with brooke i'm wondering what her first words to me will be...futhermore, i'm wondering what her first words to Jesus will be!

what a moment....wouldn't you like to be there?

missing you

i miss you brooke...

you'll get to spend the night with me soon!

raising my white flag

What a journey my daughter has brought me on. Boy, little did I know. Little does she know how she helped me find the one thing that was needed the most—Jesus. Brooke is not only my daughter but a gifted teacher. She has taught me many things in her short lifetime about myself. Some I have wanted to learn, and some I have fought with clinched fists. In the process of it all, she has been God’s special instrument in my life to ultimately teach me how to wave that little white flag up in the air. And when I put myself in that selfish position of control again, I know that with just one look in her innocent eyes God will remind me—remember to surrender.

a good cry!

Brooke has had Ci Ci as a teacher pretty much ever since she has been at TLT. brooke recently moved to another classroom in her school. i asked about how she was adapting to the new move...knowing any move is aways a trigger for anxiety. one of her direct staff told me she hollered out, "Ci Ci, where are you Ci Ci?" amazing to me and others that know brooke. from what i hear brooke never once said Ci Ci's name in the classroom.


thanks ci ci for your dedication to brooke and the rest of your classroom.

remembering

Little by Little (cont.)...

Early 2008 I got a chance to go to visit my sister, Cherie’, in Colorado. I was amazed at the pine trees and how much snow they can hold. My sister later told me that softwood trees such as pine and evergreen can bend under the intense weight of the snow. However, hickory and oak trees can break in the storms. “God knows how much we can handle.” I have heard it said over and over in the course of my life. However, living it is another thing.


Like an elephant remembers, I too cannot help but remember all that Jesus has carried me through. I remember how God has rescued me from death. I remember the lives of others I so badly messed up. I remember the big, the little, and the profound. I remember the bondage I kept myself in, and I remember the liberty of letting go. I remember the laughter and the tears. I remember the ones that prayed me through the most difficult moments, moments I choose to forget. I remember the God who saved that pitiful teenage girl of myself, so longing for love. I remember when she received that love. I remember the pain, grief, sorrow, and suffering. But oh man, I also remember the moment of being fully alive and awake while still living with my present suffering.

a new beginning

Little by Little (cont.)...

Coming back home from the hospital was like entering a war zone in a land of giants. I had been in such a safe place that the real world was almost too much for me. However, I had my husband and a couple of close friends that stood beside me and held me accountable.
Brooke was adjusting okay to the new facility. At the time we could see her each weekend. We visited her when we could, which was almost every weekend. After the 45-day trial period, Bill and I had to make another difficult decision about whether or not to put her in permanent placement again. In August 2007, we made the decision to move her. She moved into her new room decorated with butterflies. The visits changed; we could only see her or get her for home visits once a month. This was quite an adjustment for our whole family. The boys know she is gone and miss her. And as far as Bill and I go, we treasure each moment we have with her until we see her again. Each time I leave Brooke, I hug her and say, “Brooke, Jesus has got you, baby.” With those words I walk away (each time trusting God).
I continued to struggle with my own life. Battling daily with my medication addiction, I seemed to mess up everything and everyone I loved. The giants of the past and present were winning every war and not only did I feel defeated, I looked defeated. Trying to do things on my own was a hard and a very lonely road. I failed to give to God what He had wanted all along--me.
However, it was through my aloneness that I finally came to the end of myself.
One, ordinary day, I desperately reached out for Jesus’ cloak for healing. He responded back with forgiveness, abounding grace, mercy, unending love, and healing. (Matthew 9.20). How selfish I was to think I could have lived my life without Him in complete authority. It finally took my surrendering to His authority to bring me much more than freedom—it gave me life. It gave me the chance to breathe again. I was sick for a long time, but now I know what it is like to be well and alive. In his book, Recovering From the Losses of Life, Norman Wright says, “Trying to control your life imprisons you to need to be in control. Trusting in His control leads to a life of freedom rather than a life of bondage.” I found this to be so true. God delivered me from any form of medication and any desire for it! According to Dr. Henry Cloud in Changes That Heal, “He has always been a releaser of the captive.” (Psalms 56.13; 2 Timothy 4.17-18). Hallelujah! What a Savior!
I admit, I do not understand all my circumstances. If I did understand them all, would I not be God? I am aware that Brooke may never come home to live and that my situation may never change. However, I do know that my situation has strengthened my faith in Jesus Christ. It is because of Him I can move on and will move on.