the meeting:

I think the meeting went well. They are going to up her agression medication because she does have lots of aggression still. they shared w/me all the aggression she is doing to others/herself. I hope the medication helps her. As far as education is concerned....that seems to remain the same. She still struggles w/her skills. I too, was able to share my concerns and information hoping it will in return help her.

i miss you brooke! Jesus has got you!

meeting...

I'm driving down to have a meeting w/brooke and her team tuesday. It'll be a good meeting---letting me know all that is going on in her world when we are not together and vise-versa. I'm not sure what Christmas is going to look like for us. It's possible we stay here, for brooke's sake.

thanksgiving pictures

Jesus....

All i know is that Jesus has got you Brooke.

we had a good visit w/brooke, i'll send some pictures out later. she got frustrated on friday....it didn't end til midnight. other than that it was a precious visit.

thank you for your prayers.

tribute for you, brooke

I saw what I saw and I can't go forget it

I heard what i heard and i can't go back

I know what i know and i can't deny it.

something on the road, cut me to the soul

Your pain has changed me

your dream inspires

your face a memory

your hope a fire

your courage askes me what i'm afraid of

and what i know of love.

your courage asks me what i'm afraid of

Your courage asks me what I'm made of

and what i know of love

and what i know of God.

-sara groves

medication:

Just recently brooke was put on some medication for her aggression. so, apparently it's still there. We hope during the holidays she will remain peaceful and calm.

we would appreciate your prayers. thank you.....

coming home

brooke will be coming home next wednesday. It'll be a great b/day gift for bill on that day. we are still unaware of how long she will get to stay. that will be known to us this coming week....depending on behaviors and such. I miss her terribly and grieve over her absence.

changes

fall is in the air...you can almost touch it in your hands...and see the leaves change from every color on the spectrum. it's a beautiful month....one of my favorites. Change comes:with weather....life...people...God...the thing is are we ready for the change. I love change but i hate it at he same time. Some say it's too hard. Spiritually speaking it's probably the easiest thing i've ever done. Letting go.....and letting God take it for you-b/c He is capable and ready to do it if we allow Him too.
fall is in the air...and sometimes change never happens. You cant' touch it, see it, hear it--it just doesn't happen. Yesterday i called brooke they asked her to come to the phone and she didn't say a word....i repeated over and over "hey brooke...it's mommy" say "mommy"...but she ran away from the phone. sometimes changes never happen...but the leaves do fall...and we rake them up and start all over again.

Doors

Never lose heart when confronted by disappointment, for i you will take time for recollection, many past experiences will come to mind in which the closed door proved to be a blessing as it left you free to accept a different and greater opportunity.
Remember always that i control all that touches you, and as i move to order your life, i not only open the right doors, but close the wrong ones. Whenever a wrong door is closed, it is by My hand as much as when a right one opens. In this way I not only bring you joy but spare you pain. Trust Me.
never bemoan what seems to have been loss. all things are gathered into My bosom and I return to you only what will bless. As you trust Me when things appear to be going wrong, your anxiety will diminish. have I not said that nothing shall harm you?

-on the highroad of surrender

my day in b/ham

well, it turned out that brooke didn't get any work on her tooth. she'll be going to another doctor that will be able to assit her better. seeing her today took my breath away. they had given her some meds for her to be calm.....b/c of that she was so sweet. very relaxed.....and loving. she just held on to me as i laid my head on her lap. it was great to see her...even if it was 15 minutes. i always say "it's the little things in life"....and it was today-the little touch, the little smile, the little words of "mommy", "yep", are you okay......man, when she asked me that....i felt like taking her to get a coke and sitting down and saying, ya know honey....i'm not okay-i think about you constantly, i wanta know what's going on in your mind, i wanta know what you do daily, i wanta know what foods you eat....no, brooke i'm not okay---b/c your not w/me. but i held my tongue and said, yeah brooke....mommy is okay. my favortie singer is sara groves. she sings this song called "it's gonna be alright". i think of today-and think of that song....remembering, yeah....it's gonna be okay, brooke. with you in His hands...and with the Comforter at my side...we both are going to be okay.

it's real

grief....it comes and goes, does it not. tonight i feel as if i cannot move. yes, i trust God completely...but the pain is real. be my refuge and fortress whereunto i can continuely resort.

ps. 71.3

bitter-sweet

it's a bitter sweet weekend for me. brooke was suppose to come home but as stated earlier she cannot. i think the next time we can get her for a visit is Thanksgiving. I wish it was already here. i say bitter-sweet b/c i get to get away for the weekend (this signifies the sweet--ha). i need the time to be by myself---yet at the same time surrounded by other ladies i don't know. My precious friend will be doing a retreat...and it turned out i get to go. what makes it bitter-sweet is that i get to show my mosaics to others this weekend....which the whole reason i do them is for Brooke. She will constantly be on my mind as i talk/share w/other ladies how brokenness really does bring healing. i love you brooke-e

no visit

our visit w/brooke will not happen this weekend. the nurse called this morning and reported she has taken some stitches out already. the problem is if she continues to do this the wound will get worse and they will have to do something else. next week, however, i do get to see her...but i doubt she will remember me being there. she is getting her tooth fixed and they will be putting her under. the nurse told me it took 3 adults to get her calm the other day saturday night from anxiety and behavior problems. i hurt for her. please continue to pray on her behalf.

small accident

Brooke had an accident last night that took her to the er. She is better now. However she has 5 stitches on her mouth. If you know anything about brooke she is very bad about "picking"....picking sores, her mouth, her hands, etc.... They are trying to redirect her to stop touching her mouth where the stitches are. If not, she'll pull them out. Pray she is healed soon so that this doesn't become a future problem. i went up to see her last night as soon as i found out. it was great to see her...i hate under those circumstances though. right before i left i got to lay down beside her in her bed and hold her. It reminded me of God. When he knows we've fallen to the ground....He comes. Even in the middle of the night. He lays beside us and holds us....praying for us and brings healing to our brokenness. His touch is worth it all.

the swing

the pine needles and grass are pressed down where brooke has been this weekend at home. The swing she loves has been unactive until this past weekend. The swing. I don't know if you remember your childhood of swinging, but there is something about flying in the air. brooke only goes so far....her feet hit the ground each time she lifts off....in the air..and back on the ground again. I love to swing. sometimes i'll just randomly stop at some playground and just swing. brooke and i have that in common. the pine needles and grass will start edging there way from the ground where they were stepped on until brooke comes home again.

it thrilled me so to have her home for 24 hours. she smiled so much....she got a hair cut...and ate anything she wanted! here are the latest pictures of her and the swing.

are you kidding me?

This past weekend i was in an art show....as this lady was purchasing some of my work she asked me if i could do others for her.....I said, "sure"....then she said "is it a problem that i live in birmingham"....hummm, i said "well, no, my daughter lives there and i go down there twice a month." as she wrote out her information for me, she asked me where my daughter lived. oh boy--here we go.... I said" well, she is autistic and is living at a place called Glenwood." she looked at me and said, we had some one in our family that went there years ago. She asked me if i knew Alan Scott. (Alan Scott is the founder of Glenwood.....it was his son she was referring to.) She then said that they were related to Alan Scott and she knew exactly where Glenwood was. I was amazed to say the least.....such a small world. God keeps confirming to me that Glenwood is the place for her. This story made me smile....and thank God even more.

it's hard to talk about brooke when i don't get to "see" her to find out really how she is doing. our next visit w/her is at the end of this month. i'm not sure how long we get to see/keep her. it's kinda up in the air with how they think she is adjusting. if you would like to know her address to send her mail...please email me personally for the information. bill and i are trying to send her something each week. My peace still remains.....and what a gift this is from God. we all miss her. Josiah during our dinner time.....prays for brooke-i wish you could hear him. it's so precious. i don't know what all they comprehend....but i do know they love her and that she and will always remain part of this family. I love you brooke.....you are a gift from God....i'm blessed in knowing you not only as a mom but a friend. always yours.....

freedom at last!

For serveral years i've been holding on to the idea that i was the one that put her in the Learning Tree and now Glenwood....because i didn't try hard enough, i didn't do enough to get her better, i was weaker than her and i just couldn't....however, today i gotta say I am not under that guilt anymore! This past Thursday i was able to release that to the Lord. Freeing is not even a word to express the burden i carried around. Praise be to God!

i wanted also to share some pictures of our last visit. my parents came down to see her this past saturday. we had such a good day-may the pictures reveal our day. Our next visit w/brooke is at the end of sept. (you can click on any picture to see up closer)

Prayer

Lord, i pray for Brooke right now, hold her close to your heart. I love her dearly Lord....help her to learn, play. I desire Lord for her to happy. Help her settle in her new home life. I pray for those that work with her...i first pray for their salvation. that each one would come to know you personally if they do not already. Give them guidance, strength, wisdom to direct brooke. I know Lord you have already sent your angels charge over her.....those is no reason that i should wonder or fret of her safety....b/c you Lord have set it in stone.
Thank you for what You are doing in and thru her life.....and in and thru my life. Your timing is perfect...You are perfect. Let her know i love her.....amen

new home

friday went as expected. the first part of the day was filled up w/meetings. then we were able to fix up her room. it was raining badly so we just went next door to say bye to brooke. she came running down the hall w/a big grin. hugging bill and me. it was precious. we hear she adjusted well to her new room. i'll be calling tomorrow to check in on her. i'll get to see her for labor day. then after that i'll get to see her the end of the month just for a day.
today has been tough.....just thinking about her makes me take deep breaths thinking of how she is...what she's doing. the pain is great. but God is greater. thanks to all who have been praying for this transition.