brooke's week

Glenwood folks will celebrate Brooke's birthday on the 5th. I got to see her briefly today at the team meeting. The meeting went well...alot more to share on that....we will try another day. My little book will be done this week. Yah Who!

i must admit...it has been a tough week so far. With brooke turning 11, i realize more the task at hand. Yet, i know that God is way more than we can imagine. So, with that...i'm looking forward. Even though the heart hurts.

birthday wishes

Brooke will be coming home this Wednesday for her February visit. We will celebrating her 11th birthday. WOW! i actually cannot believe she will be 11 on March 6! Happy Birthday Brooke!!!

finders...keepers

ethan, my youngest, took this shot as we drove home from seeing brooke. i have found a great passion finding crosses in really weird places. The cross in this picture is on the right side. You may have to double click to see it better. At any rate, I love this shot--especially since it was taken by ethan. I find that in the hardest places in life we can always see the cross...that is if we are looking for it. And man, when we find it comes a pouring out of mercy-grace-love. That pouring is being poured out on me...the very sinner that i am. I'm grateful for the cross.

song

ya want to stop brooke in her tracks..? just start singing:

"Jesus loves me this i know...for the Bible tells me so...little one to Him belong...i am weak but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me...Yes, Jesus loves me...Yes, Jesus loves me...the Bible tells me so."

The look she gives is one you don't wanta miss! (no matter what you sound like)

what a visit!

we had a great visit w/brooke. We were sitting in the kitchen eating and Josiah said "mom, i can't wait til we get to Heaven,
because Brooke is gonna talk!" I said "She sure is Josiah." He returned with "I wonder what she'll say--it'll sure be alot!" ha...
Man, i loved that.
Our visit was filled w/smiles, love, hugs, and relaxation. She enjoyed some Mac N Cheese right before she went back to Glenwood on Saturday. Thanks to our dear friend carolyn for the mac n cheese, your food is always a hit!

coming home...

brooke will be home for a visit from thursday (feb 14)- til saturday (feb 16). we are all looking forward to a well-needed visit.

away

I hope to give a full update on Brooke's progress, more pictures of her and our recent visit, and future plans for April (austism awareness month) soon...so stay tuned in.

Saturday

we did not bring brooke home on thursday but went to see her on saturday. we had a good visit w/brooke.

i can't explain it...

but one thing i do know is that I have walked upon an oasis. The refreshment of God's word is allowing me to feel alive. It's Hope. I'll be here for a while. Thank you God for the hope you have sent my way and still send and give me daily. i just can't explain it.

jeremiah 29.11

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

looking ahead

i'm looking ahead towards thrusday. Brooke comes home for a well-needed visit! if you live in my area, please come by and see us...she's changed alot. this picture shows how tall she is now.

just above...

recently when i flew out to colorado i noticed as everyone does....after you go thru the clouds there is the blue sky. I'm reaching toward the blue skyin the midst of sorrow/betrayal/brokenness/grief. What's super great about this is....w/God, even in the clouds...He is there to bring comfort and help. The blue sky is just a bonus. recently i met someone w/the same suffering as i have and lived...she shared a verse w/me that i can not seem to get out of my mind.

Isaiah 58:11
"And the LORD will continually guide you,
And satisfy your desire in scorched places,
And give strength to your bones;
And you will be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail."

bring on the rain.!

rain down

the rain is falling hard here today. my heart is flooded with thoughts of Brooke. What is she doing? What or is she saying anything? Does she miss me when i'm gone? Does she know i'm not there? I want so badly to bring her home....that was my life....now, it's empty w/her gone and i'm left with the daily thoughts of her (my daughter). Just when you think the grieving is starting to fade it jumps back up in your face once again. the rain will pour down here all week i believe. The thoughts of Brooke will never fade from my memory and heart. What is it Brooke that you think of and what floods your mind? i so would want to know. i love you!

sunday's visit

we had a good visit w/brooke yesterday at her house. she seemed tired and kinda 'out of it'...it's got to be the medication she is on. she will come home at the end of the month.

grieving

I remember like it was yesterday. The day of her diagnosis and the paperwork (they showed us) there in black and white penned in was written “mild mental retardation with autistic features”. I was at a complete loss of words. Occupational and speech therapists became regular visitors at our home in order to an effort to retrain Brooke’s mind. But, in my eyes it just never seemed to happen. And, slowly, Brooke became the mysterious one in our family.
In a very real way, she became a reflection of the greater mystery of God. Deut 29.29 says “The secret things belong to the Lord God…” Brooke, my new Africa, had become my greatest fear, and my silent cry. I soon forgot about all the elephants that made me smile. (from my book, Little by Little).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!

brooke's meeting/pics of CO

well as you can see the view was incrediable. if you would like to see more, just email me....and i'll send them your way.

i got back home late it was a rough way home. we went right through a really bad thunderstorm. which those that know me.....know i was happy. but i will have to say-being on the ground is a tab bit more stable for me. ha/

the meeting w/brooke was pretty okay-they took her off one med and added a slight increase in another for behavior. she had had a rough morning so i did not get to give her the hug that i longed for....but i did get to see her through a window as she played on the playground. the meeting was insightful. we can see her twice this month. one being MLK weekend and another at the end of the month. bill will be gone next weekend, but hoping my parents can come over so we can at least go down to see her. don't know yet.

this last picture i was amazed at...it was on their aspen tree right outside of my sisters door. after i saw it...i remembered the passage. He who makes the eye, does HE not see. Grateful God does see us....just where we are at....and loves us!

colorado/birmingham

I'm in dillion, co visiting my sister. tomorrow i'll be in birmingham having a meeting about Brooke. I talked w/brooke while i was here. she actually told me hello and goodbye....since she has been there she has never said those words on the phone. the trip here has been so healing in alot of ways.
the snow hasn't stopped drifting down. i've been on a 2 hour snow show (on of those huge shoes that connects w/your foot) hike w/a friend of my sisters. it was in the middle of a big moutain. streams of water flowed. the snow streaming down not making a sound....but beating in my heart. it was perfect. i could have done that everyday. i went walking on a frozen small lake. while others skated around me. (i'll have pictures later when i get home and settled.
i'm excited to see brooke just briefly. the main visit is for the meeting so i will not get to see her long. hopefully i'll get to hug her and tell her how much we love her. after Christmas we did not get that chance. she had extreme behaviors that made us leave w/o saying goodbye or even a hug. i miss her and love her.

withdraws

i'm having brooke withdraws. we had a great family chrismas with just the boys/brooke/my husband and myself. it was nice to sit around, brooke felt comfortable and herself. sometimes she would go from room to room to room to room... and all over again. all over she did very well at the house. there was only one time we had to give her some meds to calm her down...but no terrible behaviors. However, today i took her back to school. we walked into her classroom and something set her off. crying, bitting self, slapping others, climbing on top of chairs/desck/bitting others/very very unsettled. i wasn't able to say bye to her and hug her and tell her that Jesus is with her. Josiah and Ethan walked out the door w/me and josiah started to cry...then ethan. they had loved the visit w/her...and in their little minds, i'm sure they had many questions as they saw Brooke react the way she did. Part of me wanted to take her back home. I called later and she was fine...i had left her Christmas toys on her bed....I go back on the 8th for a meeting. i'll be sending Christmas photos soon, for i'm out of town now.
I hope you all had a merry Christmas remembering Jesus birth....for it was His birth that brought Him death so we could live! what a mighty savior.
I love you brookey cookey....i miss you more than you know.

Christmas holidays

We will be getting brooke for Christmas sunday dec.23 and taking her back on dec. 26. the drive for brooke for thanksgiving was just a little to much, so we thought we could visit our family after we take brooke back. needless to say-i hate doing this, i feels sorry for her around the holidays and it makes me want to be w/her constantly-but i know it's too hard for her and for the rest of the family. we will get thru it though.

trusting

Brooke you are my inspiration and the one that encourages me to surrender to our Father. W/o Him.....i know i am nothing. We both need Him, dear. i miss you tonight.