tired and weary

the picture...

has the subtle ever taken you by surprise, caught you off guard, gotten your attention, or made you aware of something you've never noticed before?

this picture was taken in my back yard at my neighbor's fence....it's been there..hum, couldn't tell you how long...but one day i glanced up and saw the cross...and it all came back to me. it made me realize that there's alot in our day to day we take for granted b/c we don't glance up...we don't linger (as a dear friend told me the other day). so...i captured it and exposed it to the world.....the picture of the cross.

then there's brooke. wow...she sure can make you take a second look (at least those in stores do...ha/). i've learned something from her....not to take her for granted. not to glance but to linger longer in her presense, expect more than what you put in...and bam she'll do something or say something that will knock your socks off. you get so excited about it you capture it and expose it to the world....the picture of faith.

why do we make it so hard....

long day

brooke sure had a bad day today. everything that happened bewildered my mind. into the evening she seemed to calm down but before that her behaviors were really high, lots of potty accidents, and strange behavior.

tomorrow (thursday) we are headed to b/ham for a doctor's appointment w/ the rhetts specialist. every 6 months we see them...dr. percy is doing a study on brooke. i'm sure everything will be fine...

it's been a long day...and i'm not ready for tomorrow...thankfully i don't have to be.

matthew. 6

our day...

brooke has had a good day today. we went to the movies (which didn't go well...), but the rest of the day went well w/ only 1 accident. she is doing alot better at counting to 10...it sounds SOOOOO good. we will do 'test' on her in the next few days to see where her levels (toxins)....so we will know which step to take next. tomorrow is swim day!

behaviors, chelation, mall

well...we just finished our 4th round of chelation and if the behaviors get better we are doing super duper! her behaviors are down...she is echoing more and more (even counting to 1o w/help). but, i must say the potty issue could be better. we've had to take some backward steps but hopefully w/good reinforcement this week we will be back in swing.
we have regular schedule this week....therapist come from 10:30-6:30.
i have to share what happened yesterday at the mall. molly and i went to the mall...she had brooke and i had the boys. we just walked for a while and brooke saw a chair and sat down. well, if you know brooke that is a shocker right there...anyway...she whipped her feet around and put them on the side of the chair like she was at home. so...we all found seats and sat there. as we sat molly pulls out a balloon from her pocket and gets brooke to imitate her...touching head, nose, lap....clapping hands. IT WAS CRAZY....the boys chimmed in and we were all getting brooke to do silly things. the balloon was flying all over the place...we were all laughing and felt like we were the only people in the mall. great experience! loved it!
it got me thinking.....in the midst of my crazy life....i sometimes feel like it's just me and God and the world is just a'going.....what about you.....when was the last time you were in a whirlwind and it got so still inside your heart that you felt Him right there....just you and Him? great experience i must say! love it!

hinds feet

I'm reading "Hinds Feet on High Places"....again! love the story...if you haven't read it yet, grab a copy, a cup of joe, a nice place to get taken away to the mountain.

17 Though the fig tree should not blossom, And there be no fruit on the vines,
Though the yield of the olive should fail, And the fields produce no food,
Though the flock should be cut off from the fold, And there be no cattle in the
stalls, 18 Yet I will exult in the LORD, I will rejoice in the God of my
salvation. 19 The Lord GOD is my strength, And He has made my feet like hinds'
feet, And makes me walk on my high places. hab. 3.17-19

Ps. 18 has grabbed ahold of me as well.

This past thursday i got a chance to go see christy nochels in concert...(watermark). it was great to say the least...even though i was surrounded by people i felt as if i was the only one in the room worshipping, listening, lingering, resting, and being loved by HIM.

I desire hinds feet...God take me to the high places, you are my strength from day to day.

quote

"His morning aid comes before the morning." amy carmichael

i don't know really what part of this i should focus on....the "comes" or "before" or even "aid"... wait--maybe "morning". I love amy carmichael...love her thoughts, poetry, passion. This quote came at a really neat time in my life a several months ago and has just stuck w/me. i am need of His aid...i'm in need of His coming...i'm in need of the morning...i'm just in need of Him.

kiddie pool

wanted to share today's events. school did not go well....but home went fine. we played in the kiddie pool which she loves! friday is round 4 of chelation...b12 shots are going well. she is a rambling brooke. they did say at school she said "______ bathroom" as she grabbed and pulled one of the ladies towards the bathroom. they were all shocked. so was i!

kristin and brooke

on the trampoline

brooke enjoying a cool down after school...

and i mean literally

what a great smile!

it looks like she's praying...

kristin hanging w/brooke

cute questions...

...tough answers! the boys (josiah and ethan) have been more curious concerning brooke. just today josiah asked bill why brooke didn't talk like he did when she was older than him. a few days before that ethan asked where brooke's "other" mom and dad were? i asked him what he meant....he referred to the Learning Tree and the home she lived in. it's hard to answer the questions they have in a way they can understand. they are however very precious towards brooke....like little therapist saying "brooke say "cookie"" as they give her a cookie. as they get older time will play a big factor but as for now they love her and i think even have a watchful eye out for her.

some questions we have as adults need to be spoken...we need to voice them to our Father...to be real, vulnerable, child-like. In time, He will answer i do know that! He will answer. He is not a God from a far off....nor a God that does not know our deepest questions. He knows and will whisper in my ear what I need to know.

i gotta admit...

...i need to pray more. pray for healing, direction, the next step, a cry for help...the list goes on. I just need to pray until i cannot utter another word...until i'm totally exhausted of all my thoughts, worries, concerns, and anxiety...until Jesus comes back. i'm lacking God...teach me to pray.

brooke's weekend has been good. saturday was just great. she had no ATO (aggression toward others), or ATP (aggression to property). this is big news for those who are not in brooke's path on a day to day basis. she's been more loving....giving generous hugs from the back....and clinging on. (as shown in the picture w/bill i think). i love it. i thought she'd start head banging...but she doesn't. she just clings on....i love it! monday she will start her 2nd week of summer school from 8-3. this will give me a small break during the week. I'll be doing things w/the boys that we nomarlly don't get a chance to do. Thursday and Friday i'll be in Memphis visiting my mother and father...the boys will come w/me. We have a big week planned.

God is good, isn't He? I wonder why we don't pray more?

never!

i will never leave you comfortlessly I WILL COME TO YOU! John 14. 18





i think brooke knows this passage very well in physically terms w/her great dad....and w/her spiritual Dad. There are no better arms than His....no better hugs than dads....
Bill you are the greatest father. I'm grateful to be next to you on this journey...you make me smile.

somedays...

...i hate autism. today is one of those days. high-pitch screaming, head-banging, hitting, anxiety, and the "i don't know what to do" days come and go w/autism. it makes you wonder. some say i'd love to get in their head for a day...well, i say i'd love to get in their head for one minute! You never really know what a day will hold....today was a hard day for some reason for brooke--she wasn't her normal self like she usually is. but better days are coming. tomorrow we start b-12 shots. (1 every 3 days) we've been doing nasal shots, but are finding it doesn't make big impacts as we would like to see so we are going to try the shots to see if this helps. bill and i are excited....ya never really know do ya?

trusting...

i love to swing. brooke does too. often we go to the park and you'll see her running off to the swing. she gets so excited. she sits and off her little feet go trying to gain speed, trying to get the rhythm right.....she gives no notice to how the swing is held up....she just gets on.
trust.
if i could see w/spiritual eyes i think i'd see Jesus hands holding the strings, the ropes, the chains...holding her life...holding her. I don't wanta loose this picture in my mind. Brooke doesn't seem forget it, she just gets on and w/o question she trusts. How i desire her child like faith.

you have no idea brooke how much i love you!

faith...

funny picture i know...but this is what i felt like today. FRUSTRATED!

God...help my unbelief! I'm in the psalms this week...listening, wondering, asking the hard questions, waiting, dying, being frustrated, smiling at small victories...today just happened to be one of those days. So i'm praying GOD....help my unbelief and bring me to a place of complete confidence i your will and not MINE.

mantaining

things are going okay this week w/bill being gone and change of routine w/brooke going to school this week. it's been very helpful actually and a gift from God. I've been able to spend some needed time w/the boys after VBS. bill comes home saturday and we are all ready. after monday the rest of the week has just been okay w/behaviors....they are less intense as they were monday when she came home from school. this weekend we start our 3rd round of chelation.

so....no real big news....just mantaining w/ Jesus at my side.

up/down

for a day that started out really well...it sure when down hill fast.

brooke's behaviors after school were bad today. i'm not sure why--transition maybe--chelation---
hoping tomorrow is better though. i need it to be.

direct our path Lord...

walking

our summer is in full swing. walking here and running there. these past few days we've adjusted to the new times our help will come...and we will be adjusting more next week when brooke goes to school for one week from 8-3. the boys have VBS and i have choosen to stay home and revamp b/c bill is out of town next week w/a youth event. i'm ready for a break even if it's just a couple hours a day to myself or w/friends. i'm hoping this is what i have been longing for....just a time of refreshment...a new look...a different aspect of things. i am praying this will happen for me.
brooke's chelation is going well as so is her diet. we will start her 3rd round of chelation next week. her behavior is off and on. you never really know what will set her off and so you seem to always be on guard. however....I'm looking forward to what is ahead...and forgetting the things left behind. God is doing something new here...and i chose not to live in the past or even yesterday.

"walk worthy of the Lord in all pleasing being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God" col 1.10
this is the walk i want to live in.