looking forward

We are excited about our upcoming visit with Brooke. She'll be home on Wednesday and staying til Saturday. We plan on getting Brooke in the pool, taking some good walks, going to the parks to swing, and of course vegging by the t/v to watch her favorite shows.

We also are having a meeting on Wednesday with her staff.

Psalms 23

"He anoints my head with oil".
This passage has meant alot to me of late. I found this picture which illustrates this passage. The reason for the anointing of oil for a lamb is because bugs/insects get into the skin. The oil protects/heals the lamb from hurting and prevents bugs from irritating the area.
For me, it's personal...
I can just imagine, if you will, Him coming to me...as i'm resting in His pastures...and He comes up close to me, grabs my chin, and gently pours oil over my head. It's healing. It's personal. It's much more than just oil. It's Him.

Would You come, Shepherd, and anoint Brooke's head with oil.

(jason upton has a song called psalm. 23; a must to hear!)

being still and listening

never alone

I was reminded by a friend we are never alone. His presence is with us at all times, is He not? Sometimes, i wish we could see with spiritual eyes the presence of Himself. Would we not feel safer? Would we second-guess things? Would we believe more? Although we do not see Him...we believe in Him. His presence is what i want and desire; however, this is something as believers we already have. It is the constant encouragement that helps us "see" Him...it's the experiences we have with Him that make us "see" Him. Although I may feel alone...I am never alone.

I found this picture of Brooke walking alone under a covered bridge. Brooke, you are never alone.

us

a rare touch

psalms 71.3

"Be Thou my rock and habitation, whereunto i many continually resort. You have given commandment to save me."

it's raining here today, i love the rain. i'm safe in my habitation with my Lord.

more to say

i cannot get brooke off my mind tonight. seeing her today was difficult for me. she had so much anxiety written all over her face. she kept bitting her arm as a way of coping w/her stress. i wish i could have taken that away from her. when she left the appointment she just looked at me with a frown i do not see very often from her...big tears in her eyes. i felt as if she was saying to me...I need you mom, help me. Oh, Lord...please help her. i cannot. i am miles away from my little girl, now 5 feet tall. Comfort her fears like only You can. I don't even understand her fears, her anxiety, or pain....or autism. You do! We need you.

the group, Plumb sings a song called "My Child"...it's on my mind tonight as i cry thinking of her:

your eyes, my eyes, your smile, my smile, your love, my gain, your hurt, my pain, your laugh, my joy, every time, it's mine, You are my child. I will always protect you, oh and i will even let you go, i'll spend the sweetest time holding you , and i will let you grow, don't ever be afraid, cause i am here, and if you start to fear, just close your eyes, and hear me say, your love, my gain, your hurt, my pain, your laugh, my joy, every time, it's mine, You are my child.

being a mother to an autistic child is a gift...it's a challenge...a daily dying to self...sometimes overwhelming...sometimes you laugh your head off, sometimes you cry so much your eyes seem swollen, sometimes your pain is so great you cannot describe it to anyone else but God. Tonight, i'm there. No one knows like Jesus. No one!

appointment

Today was hard.

Brooke's visit home will be june 25-28.

my dearest brooke,

my mind is flooded w/thoughts of you, Brooke. it seems like forever since i've seen your face. i miss you dearly...i'm in your room as i write and there is such a void. you should be home. however, i know that God has you. Jesus has got you baby...and there is nothing i can do about it...in fact, i don't want to have anything to do about it...because His arms are the safest. With tears running down my face...i embrace the God who has both of us...knowing one day you will be well. You will be whole...and I can't wait for that moment...

it never gets easier. i'm ready to see you tomorrow.

between a rock and a hard place

Pressed beyond measure; yes, pressed to a great length;
Pressed so intensely, beyond my own strength;
Pressed in my body and pressed in my soul,
Pressed in my mind till the dark surges roll.
Pressure from foes, and pressure from dear friends.
Pressure on pressure, til life nearly ends.

Pressed into knowing no helper but God;
Pressed into loving His staff and His rod.
Pressed into liberty where nothing clings;
Pressed into faith for impossible things.
Pressed into living my life for the Lord,
Pressed into living a Christ-life outpoured.
(streams in the desert)

I am here in the pressing, and like Natilee Grant sings "I will not be moved."

friends...

lately i've seen some old friends...there is nothing like them! i gotta say, not only has it been my God that has gotten me thus far in life, but dear friends. There is nothing like them! Thank you to my friends (you know who you are)...for your prayers, comfort, listening ears, and just your faithfulness thru the years.
A friend loves at all times. Proverbs 17.17

rett's meeting

As you know Brooke has a rare form of Autism called Rett's. I have enclosed a fact sheet for those that are interested. (Brooke is in stage 3). Every 6 months brooke sees a specialist. To me, this meeting is always very important. Next thursday is her meeting. Brooke does not show all the characterisitcs of retts; however, it seems to me, she is showing more signs each year. Important decisions will take place at this particular meeting. would you join us in prayer as we seek wisdom from her doctor.

www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/rett/detail_rett.htm

some have wondered

"so, why butterflies?"

Brooke's middle name is Renee'. Renee means 'Born Again.' The Caterpillar turning into a Butterfly have most often been referred to in this way...which also is the expression of the Christian.

hard...

...to believe that it's only june 1 and i have to wait til the end of the month before another home visit. i wish the time was already here.

Jesus...hold my little girl in Your arms. Calm her fears and anxiety. I miss her so much and i know that no one can comfort her as You can. Would you come and comfort me too?

quote

bill graham wrote:

the happiness which brings enduring worth to life is not the superficial happiness that is dependent on circumstances. it is the happiness and contentment that fills the soul even in the midst of the most distressing circumstances and the most bitter environment. it is the kind of happiness that grins when things go wrong and smiles through the tears. the happiness for which our souls ache is one undisturbed by success or failure, one which will root deeply inside us and give inward relaxation, peace, and contentment, no matter what the surface problems may be. that kind of happiness stands in need of no outward stimulus.

loved reading that the other day. an old sunday school teacher from college has been encouraging me on, in my journey w/brooke (life...for that matter). one thing i've learned from her is this...my baggage bag can now be used as a tool bag. even though life is difficult and hard and...we could go on and on...turn it around. it is so common for us to take the ugly and bad and curse God; however, it is the one who knows the Lord that accepts struggles as gain and as a way of knowing Him and making Him known to others. (philippians 1). This is the life i desire!

our hike

lingering moments

Brooke left today to go back to school. Overall, it was a precious and busy visit. (i will have pictures of our visit coming soon).

There was one thing that stood out all weekend.

Last night i was home alone w/brooke...we were just nestled in the bed watching "Dora." I looked over and her eyes were getting heavy. Leaning over, I pushed her hair back from her eyes and caressed her cheek as she closed her eyes. Just looking into her face, i imagined Jesus doing the same w/me. Him seeing the heaviness in my eyes He reaches towards me, pulling my hair back from my eyes and touching my cheek...to consul, embrace me, or to just be near me, knowing His peace--i just close my eyes and rest. It was a sweet moment...one that will linger for days to come.

Thank you Jesus for touching my life, healing my heart, and being near me.

today we went on a hike...brooke did well for the first half, but she was ready to go on our way back in. Sometimes i see how evident it is for her to be at Glennwood...other times i see how wonderful it would be to have her home. it's frustrating...very, very frustrating.

for the most part she has been all smiles...and that just makes my day!

longest hug

today after i got home with brooke...she went to her favorite place in our house...our bedroom. She looked up at me and i asked her for a hug. She reached her arms around me and time stood still. The best day ever!