the month

This is the time of year when autism is recognized to its fullest - April is Autism Awareness Month! I want to make sure everyone knows this. Not only has it affected our family, but thousands and thousands of families world-wide. As you may know, 1:150 children are diagnosed with autism. This is crazy to me. When brooke was diagnosed it was about 1:600. I know during the month of April there will be news shows, talk radio reports, autism walks, and other things around the country...and I encourage you: watch the shows, read the reports/emails, go on the walks, send money to reputable organizations for research, and let others know you know someone with autism.


Autism will not have the last word in our family...be the voice for an autistic child today!

lastest photos

the valley of vision

Lord, let me learn the paradox:
that the way down is the way up, that to be low is to be high, that the broken heart is the healed heart, and the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit, and the repenting soul is the victorious soul, that to have nothing is to possess all, that to bear the cross is to wear the crown, that to give is to receive, that the valley is the place of vision.
Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from the deepest wells, and the deeper the wells the brighter thy stars shine; Let me find thy light in my darkness, thy life in my death, thy joy in my sorrow, thy grace in my sin, thy riches in my poverty, thy glory in my valley. (from the book the valley of vision)

we had a good weekend with brooke. she got upset at some NEW things we did...overall....it was good. i'll get to see her this sunday for a short visit. I'll be updating soon with pictures from our last couple of visits.

Easter weekend

Brooke will be coming home for Easter for a few days. We are excited about her visit home.

I hope everyone has a blessed Easter...we all have a reason to celebrate because of what Jesus has done for us! PTL!!

autism specialist anyone?

just wondering...does Brooke remember me when i'm not around...or down the hallway from her bedroom? Does she know the difference with time? Some answers i'd love to know. But then again, do I?

oh , God... speak kindness to me and to Brooke. Be our Shade.

so, how are you?

Many people have been asking how Brooke was doing. Thank you for asking!
She is doing okay. At school, Brooke is being asked to do more--now that she is getting settled. This of course is bringing out some behaviors. Her behaviors lately have been bitting her arms. At times, for a weekend visit, she has come home with bruises up and down her arm. It is a bit hard to see; however, we have seen worse. Just grateful it is not another intensive behavior although we would like to see this one gone. She is on medication for her behaviors. Her behavior program and coupled with her medication seems to help some. Her words have been "few" during a home visit. The words she used to say with us, she does not say much of anymore. She has become a bit more quiet than she used to be. I still am quick to get her to say as much as i can while she is home. I'm sure at Glenwood they are doing the same thing. At the group home she does well, with less behaviors. It is a bit more laid back than the school setting; yet, they do have chores and things for her to do. She is doing well with potty-training and are seeing less and less accidents. :) So, to sum things up...brooke is maintaining. Nothing more and nothing less. That leads to the next question.
How are we doing as a family? Thanks for asking! We all are doing well with the adjustment. Some days are harder than others. It hasn't even been a year since Brooke left for Glenwood. There is always a void, not just from a mothers standpoint. Josiah and Ethan are quick to pray for her. Her room is still being used-for hide and seek, playroom, a place to ponder (on her swing-in her room), and for an extra bed when OURs gets way too packed! ha. We seek HIM, we get by, we live, we have hope, and we dream til we see her again. Then it starts back all over again. So, that is how we are doing....how are you?

brooke's week

Glenwood folks will celebrate Brooke's birthday on the 5th. I got to see her briefly today at the team meeting. The meeting went well...alot more to share on that....we will try another day. My little book will be done this week. Yah Who!

i must admit...it has been a tough week so far. With brooke turning 11, i realize more the task at hand. Yet, i know that God is way more than we can imagine. So, with that...i'm looking forward. Even though the heart hurts.

birthday wishes

Brooke will be coming home this Wednesday for her February visit. We will celebrating her 11th birthday. WOW! i actually cannot believe she will be 11 on March 6! Happy Birthday Brooke!!!

finders...keepers

ethan, my youngest, took this shot as we drove home from seeing brooke. i have found a great passion finding crosses in really weird places. The cross in this picture is on the right side. You may have to double click to see it better. At any rate, I love this shot--especially since it was taken by ethan. I find that in the hardest places in life we can always see the cross...that is if we are looking for it. And man, when we find it comes a pouring out of mercy-grace-love. That pouring is being poured out on me...the very sinner that i am. I'm grateful for the cross.

song

ya want to stop brooke in her tracks..? just start singing:

"Jesus loves me this i know...for the Bible tells me so...little one to Him belong...i am weak but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me...Yes, Jesus loves me...Yes, Jesus loves me...the Bible tells me so."

The look she gives is one you don't wanta miss! (no matter what you sound like)

what a visit!

we had a great visit w/brooke. We were sitting in the kitchen eating and Josiah said "mom, i can't wait til we get to Heaven,
because Brooke is gonna talk!" I said "She sure is Josiah." He returned with "I wonder what she'll say--it'll sure be alot!" ha...
Man, i loved that.
Our visit was filled w/smiles, love, hugs, and relaxation. She enjoyed some Mac N Cheese right before she went back to Glenwood on Saturday. Thanks to our dear friend carolyn for the mac n cheese, your food is always a hit!

coming home...

brooke will be home for a visit from thursday (feb 14)- til saturday (feb 16). we are all looking forward to a well-needed visit.

away

I hope to give a full update on Brooke's progress, more pictures of her and our recent visit, and future plans for April (austism awareness month) soon...so stay tuned in.

Saturday

we did not bring brooke home on thursday but went to see her on saturday. we had a good visit w/brooke.

i can't explain it...

but one thing i do know is that I have walked upon an oasis. The refreshment of God's word is allowing me to feel alive. It's Hope. I'll be here for a while. Thank you God for the hope you have sent my way and still send and give me daily. i just can't explain it.

jeremiah 29.11

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

looking ahead

i'm looking ahead towards thrusday. Brooke comes home for a well-needed visit! if you live in my area, please come by and see us...she's changed alot. this picture shows how tall she is now.

just above...

recently when i flew out to colorado i noticed as everyone does....after you go thru the clouds there is the blue sky. I'm reaching toward the blue skyin the midst of sorrow/betrayal/brokenness/grief. What's super great about this is....w/God, even in the clouds...He is there to bring comfort and help. The blue sky is just a bonus. recently i met someone w/the same suffering as i have and lived...she shared a verse w/me that i can not seem to get out of my mind.

Isaiah 58:11
"And the LORD will continually guide you,
And satisfy your desire in scorched places,
And give strength to your bones;
And you will be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail."

bring on the rain.!

rain down

the rain is falling hard here today. my heart is flooded with thoughts of Brooke. What is she doing? What or is she saying anything? Does she miss me when i'm gone? Does she know i'm not there? I want so badly to bring her home....that was my life....now, it's empty w/her gone and i'm left with the daily thoughts of her (my daughter). Just when you think the grieving is starting to fade it jumps back up in your face once again. the rain will pour down here all week i believe. The thoughts of Brooke will never fade from my memory and heart. What is it Brooke that you think of and what floods your mind? i so would want to know. i love you!

sunday's visit

we had a good visit w/brooke yesterday at her house. she seemed tired and kinda 'out of it'...it's got to be the medication she is on. she will come home at the end of the month.

grieving

I remember like it was yesterday. The day of her diagnosis and the paperwork (they showed us) there in black and white penned in was written “mild mental retardation with autistic features”. I was at a complete loss of words. Occupational and speech therapists became regular visitors at our home in order to an effort to retrain Brooke’s mind. But, in my eyes it just never seemed to happen. And, slowly, Brooke became the mysterious one in our family.
In a very real way, she became a reflection of the greater mystery of God. Deut 29.29 says “The secret things belong to the Lord God…” Brooke, my new Africa, had become my greatest fear, and my silent cry. I soon forgot about all the elephants that made me smile. (from my book, Little by Little).