focused

i've noticed something. something i haven't seen before. it left me different than when i stepped into brooke's bedroom today.

brooke was lying in her bed when i walked in...patiently resting. she seemed tired but focused. weary but driven. i jumped on top of her and kissed her gently...then laid beside of her and watched her. i watched her eyes...very intense today. i stroked her hair. kissed her face. held her hands. her eyes though...were starring at something. i would turn her head..she'd turn it back. i'd move my hands in front of her eyes...she didn't budge. then i looked at the wall...where she was looking and i couldn't help but smile. across from her bed is a frame with several pictures in it of all of us. my mom/dad/josiah/ethan/brooke and me/brooke and bill. of course it made me wonder what she was thinking about as she gazed at the pictures. i had about 50 questions for her...none she answered. she didn't seem to mind that i was in the room...she wasn't concerned with the little things...she was just focused.

i left her little group home today w/a different perspective that she gave me. i have to stay focused on Him. No matter what draws my attention from Him...it's imperative i gaze and focus...even when i'm weary...even when i'm not.

nothing allured her away today...i pray nothing would allure me away either.

thank you

there are some words brooke cannot say or that seems hard for her...and then, there are some words brooke says really well...and "thank you" is one of those (well, two). you can be taking her to the bathroom, helping her eat, changing her clothes, watching tv with her, hugging, kissing, tickling, playing chase, swinging on a swing, brushing her hair, holding her hand, looking at a book, or like today....

laying beside her in her bed and you'll hear "thank you!", with a happy little grin.

i've been thinking on that today...thinking on how thankful she is. she's thankful for the little things, things of what we call mundane, or simple...

i know there will be some questions of some out there that will ask, "how do you know if she's really thankful?"

well...you can look at her life and tell.

you can look at her smile and know.

you can see it in her eyes... she's thankful!

i desire to be just like her....to be so thankful for the little things that come my way...or the simple things that i take for granted.

i love you brookie..."thank you!"

selah

i have fallen in love with the word "selah". it has brought new meaning to me as of late and, too, i recently reconnected with a precious friend and she named her sweet little girl "selah". love it!!

as you know i see brooke everyday at her group home. i have recently called them my "selah moments"...where my day stops mid-stream and i'm still and quiet with brooke at my side and i just soak in every tiny moment.
these past 2 days have been a bit different from the rest (no pun intended). i usually find her on the couch when i arrive....i come in and sit next to her, her legs extended over my legs and i just watch her, sing to her, brush her hair, and, as i said...am still. monday and then again today i found her in her room laying on top of her comforter. i was quick to jump in and lay right beside her. today and yesterday she put her head on my shoulder and fell asleep. today...she took an extra step in the process...i laid my head on her shoulder and with her opposite hand reached over and grabbed my head to pull me closer (and yes...ha, with a bit of force)...within minutes i felt her hand loosen up a bit and looking at her eyes..she had fallen asleep. to me, as her mom...it was precious. i sighed a sigh of relief and yes, rest...as both of us paused (selah) in our day.

i long to see her tomorrow to pause, to be still, to rest with her...again.

thanksgiving=grateful

the day after Thanksgiving we had some time off...so we drove up to Memphis, Tn to see our families. to make the trip even better than ever was Brooke. i picked her up from the group home...and she was 'ready' for a roadtrip. as i told her staff when we returned, brooke did marvelous on the trip and our families' homes. we laughed, played small games of chase, ate, ate...and ate somemore, slept longer than we normally.

one night; however, after taking brooke to the bathroom she decided to stay up...and stay up she did...talking and chattering about something none of us where aware of. although we were not aware of what she was saying...the Lord sure did. that night made me think of a few things...one being this...

in romans 8 it speaks of how our prayers are like utters/wordless sighs/aching groans...but Jesus sits at the right hand of God and intercedes on our behalf when we cannot get out what we want to say. her uttering/chattering reminded me of this very thing...whether or not she was praying i have no clue...but she didn't care that no one else in the house didn't sleep..she just got up and chattered. i betcha though that the Lord understood every single word...and met her right where she was at.

i too...need to do the same. utter, chatter away...and allow the Lord to intercede on my behalf when words are just too difficult to say. The Lord knows our hearts....and He knows that we all needed those few days of being together to show us His wonders....His love...to show us Himself...and for me, to teach me again, thru brooke, how i can pray when words are just too hard...

so grateful!

spending my Thanksgiving with brooke in my lap...6 boys .. and my precious husband. later, we are headed to the beach.

come friday!

that song, "come monday..it'll be alright"...comes to mind when i think of our friday!

friday we will make our way "home" to memphis, tn. we are really excited to go home for the holidays...thinking this will be our only time to go for the remainder of the year. we are working both thanksgiving and Christmas...but thankfully..we are breaking away for a couple days to see parents, eat some great food, see precious friends, and just be together.

what makes it a bit more "alright"....brooke is coming along! yippee!!! i'm sure this will be an adventure, a challenge at times, and a time full of laughter...unspoken words...and memories to hold on to for a long time to come.

so....come friday i'll have a skip in my step and a song in my heart for our family will be ALL together (in a car)..for 6 hours or more. ha!!! sorta makes you wanta pray for us, doesn't it.? we welcome them!

i'm sure i'll have stories to share...and pictures to post...until then...
happy thanksgiving from our chester home to yours.

excuses

i wish i could muster up of why i haven't written in a while...i don't really have any excuses.
my world is crazy busy....let me see if i can express how.

i get up at, well...early... sit down w/the boys in the home for breakfast to start our day. the boys leave around 7:15...then i start my morning...reading my Bible, praying for the unknowns of my day. during the next few hours i may have meetings, laundry, prepare dinner, schedule my week, grocery shop, do things around our home, make mosaics for shabar ministries, and run errands! whew...

then the fun!!! around 2:00 everyday i go to brooke's group home and spend some quality time sitting next to her on the couch. it's a perfect "tea time"...she watches tv...and i watch her...pray for her, sing to her, laugh with her, and learn from her.

after spending around 40 minutes of time with her i run off to get the boys from school.....just around the corner. after we get home...it's snack time, homework time, and play time. in between all those i'm finishing up dinner to eat around 5:30. eat, chores, take showers, and have a bit of r/r for the remainder of the day...8:00pm we are putting little heads to bed, praying over them and their families...and then laying down, praying, laughing, singing, sharing stories with our own 2 bouncy boys!

around 9:00 i'm done! we are grateful to be apart of the lives of others.

so i have no excuses. it's just life for me right now.

are you okay?

i was reading over some past blogs...and i had to copy/paste this one...because it's exactly how i was feeling today.
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there are times when brooke puts a couple words together or she echos something....today she said, "are you okay?"......man, when she asked me that....i feel like taking her to get a coke and sitting her down face to face and say, "ya know honey....i'm not okay-i think about you constantly, i wanta know what's going on in your mind, i wanta know what you do daily, i wanta know what foods you eat...i wanta know what you want me to do for you, for our future...i want to see you everyday, but sometimes i can't....i wanta spend every moment w/you in a day..but i cannot. i wanta know what makes you cry, laugh, be so scared at it makes you shake. i wanta know.....
so...no, brooke i'm not okay---because baby, your not w/me."

Jesus has got you baby...

lessons from brooke

the past week when we were on our "break" time...brooke spent the night. this time it was a bit different...bill suggested she "skip" school. (sorry LT staff). it was so great to wake up and not be in a rush to get her somewhere...or us for that matter. we snuggled in bed, i made her a yummy breakfast, watched a little tv, chick-fi-la picnic...then....took a little trip to fairhope. we love fairhope! brooke loves the pier. she just enjoys walking on it...and then turning around to walk back. too fun! it is the little things in life, right?

on our walk i had a cherry pepsi (of course)! she grabbed it from my hand drank a bit....and then SPLASH...into the bay and kept walking. (sorry ocean for the rubbish). i thought it was a bit funny. if you know brooke..then you know when she is done with something or someone she is DONE. she doesn't care or for that matter, understand. i walked away learning a little something from her in that moment....

there are things in our life we just need to throw away and then keep walking. no looking back. no jumping in to get what we threw away...just keep walking.

so that is what WE did...we kept walking.

family time

we've had some great family time recently..

just speechless today...so i thought i'd let you see some shots. more to come later.

swinging

this girl loves to swing. she takes after her mom...because one of my favorite things to do is swing from a big swing! she always seems to have the biggest smile on her face followed by great laughter!

she's seems to be feeling much better. when i saw her yesterday at the group home her hands were shaking pretty badly...but today they seemed much better. hum...don't really know why. she seems to be filled w/mystery.

we are headed off to break....and then finally back on our regular schedule. we are hoping to get brooke on monday and tuesday. (i'm hoping she can skip school on tuesday).

i've got some great family photos of us...so when i get back in town....i'll put them up.

under the weather

i got a call on saturday that brooke's cheek was swollen and she had to go to the er to get things checked out. turns out she had a UTI and maybe a staph infection. (i was out of town and couldn't go like i wanted to).

today she woke up and again her cheek was swollen she had been bumping into things and had even fallen when she was walking. today i met them at the doctor's office to find out she more than likely has a staph infection in her face. they swabbed her throat for strep and we will find about that on thursday. she is on antibiotics to get this thing out of here.....i hope it goes soon!

this picture was taken at the doctors office today...all smiles of course! :)

holding on.

we recently moved into a new "relief" house from the home. brooke has adjusted really well in it. just this past weekend she stayed over on a visit and i loved every moment of it. she enjoyed eating french fries...hamburgers...fruit...buscuits...sasuage...and of course some yummy ice cream.
sunday night she fell asleep in our bed so of course i jumped in w/her....in the middle of the night she rolled over and grabbed my arm and just hung on. it was simply beautiful! i probably was in the most uncomfortable spot (and my neck told me in the morning). however....i couldn't move...didn't want to move in fear she would roll back over and the moment would be gone.

these are the moments i love...they are precious to me as a mom.
i think about these moments w/the Lord....and how He longs for us to reach over and grab Him...just because. NOT because we need something, or we need to hang on for dear life...but just because. just because we love HIM....because HE loves us.

now that is precious...and today, i'm holding on to His arm.

you...

don't care that your hair is messy. that others sometime stare at you. that you really don't care what you eat...as long as you do. you don't mind letting others help you. you enjoy laughing, smiling. you see life through a different perspective than me. you are remarkable. you let others push you til you get it right (yes, sometimes fighting..ha). you don't seem to mind letting others make decisions for you when you don't know. you love life. you love it when i sing to you...even off key, but you don't mind. you are beautiful....
you make me dream bigger.
you make me push harder than i've pushed before.
you make me see life through different eyes.

you are my gift...
you..are!

heart warming...

my daily visits with brooke have been to die for!
she has been so loving..
caring, full of laughter..
great looks, funny sounds..
unique humor, and timeless smiles!

i have been out of pocket recently because our break schedule has been a bit different lately...but come mid september i'll be back with fun pictures.

lunch

my weekly lunch with brooke was just fulfilling! this girl loves to eat...and loves her veggies. it was great to spend some time w/her yesterday at the group home and then today at the school. i appreciate those that work w/brooke and others at The Learning Tree to help children like Brooke.

brooke, you make me smile.

(this picture was taken yesterday at the group home)

visits

i got to visit w/brooke briefly today before i had to return back to work. this summers schedule has been difficult to see her for long periods of time because of our job. however, monday the boys return back to school and my time will ease up a bit. i hope to visit with brooke daily again in her group home/school.

the Lord is doing many things within our family. i'm watching His hand move and i will be eager to share all what He has spoken in secret at the right time.

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither your ways My ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts." Is. 55.8-9

Brooke, Jesus has got you baby..

lesson from a turtle

we have a new pet in our backyard. a box turtle. i've enjoyed watching him for the past few weeks after the boys captured him. the boys have asked many questions about him but one question in particular has stuck with me and i can't seem to escape the answer. the question was..."why does he have to carry around the hard shell on his back?" my answer..."protection, boys!"

on a somewhat personal side...these past few months i've allowed myself to believe in false securities/false protection. in doing so i only got further away from the "real" protection i needed. it left me vulnerable. i was in constant fear...always looking over my shoulder...trying to cover up with self-protection. thinking i was happy...i was really miserable. it wasn't until i let Jesus pull me back under His wing, shelter, refuge, and ultimately His authority that i felt His protection.

as the mother of brooke, i am always trying to protect her from getting hurt...and rightfully so. we, as parents, should watch over what we have been entrusted with. i'm grateful that Jesus has gone above and beyond to protect His own! He goes before us, behind us..."For the Lord will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard" Is. 52.12

a friend told me just a few days ago, "He's got our backs"....i'm sure our little box turtle is thinking the same thing.

how fun!

my visit w/brooke tonight was oh so fun!!!

she had just gotten out of the shower so i got to dry her hair and fix it...then we sat on the couch and she just laughed saying "tank you, tank you"! looking at me and smiling...and then laughing some more. at one point she reached her hand behind my neck and then grabbed me toward her to kiss me...and oh boy she did! it was OH so fun!!

i laid down w/her in her bed...told her i loved her and she said as clear as day..."i know"...i smiled and she repeated...broken English....but still the words were there!

she made my day. she always has a way to cut me to the core...