God gave me autism

A few weeks ago I was sitting in “The Listening Room” in downtown Mobile listening to Leigh Nash from Sixpence None The Richer. I remember listening to her music with my yellow Sony cassette player at my first real job as an artist in the early 90’s. The setting that night was amazing, but it was her voice and distinguished vibe that drew me to her then and today. Towards the end of the concert, she told the story of her new song, “God gave me horses.” It was the title of the song that grabbed at my heart, and I faded into my own little world for a moment. I instantly started thinking of the idea of God giving me something as majestic, stunning, and strong; yet, graceful as a horse. Autism. 

One thing I know is that God is a gift giver. First off, He gave His only Son for us so that we may have eternal life (John 3:16). It just doesn’t stop there though. For believers, God wishes to gift us in areas of our lives that we aren’t expecting. His character proves that He is kind, loving, gracious and loves to lavish on His children. Knowing this, He would never give His children something that would hurt or harm us. (James 1:17).

My life has been full of gifts from the Lord, and I’m so thankful!  For instance, I know God has given me the gift of art: using my hands to portray His love and hope either in mosaics or paintings. Furthermore, He gives little gestures to us, like the kindness from a friend in the time of need. The book of James says, He’s the giver of wisdom, and gives grace and mercy! 

When I think of God giving me a gift, I honestly think of it being something like what a parent, spouse or friend would give, but with the Lord it goes deeper. I know He gives us things in order to build our character into more like Jesus. Many times, we don’t like those gifts very well. They seem hard, painful, unloving, and it becomes a grief-stricken thorn in our side. It’s really an option for us to receive that gift! For, isn’t it easier for us to receive something that brings a smile to our face? Of course! 

I say all this to say,  I’m certain that God gave me autism. Whew! It’s definitely not a gift I accepted easily, and honestly I never really saw it as a gift for many years. But, yes, God gave me autism in the form of my daughter to mold my character to be more like His. For its this kind of gift that is eternal. She has forced me out of my comfort zone to reach out to those who see with a different perspective. Autism has encouraged me to believe that God is able, and that Brooke is capable. Brooke, has influenced me to love unconditionally without regrets. It’s driven me to have faith, hope, and mostly, love to press forward in what others may call hopelessness. Among other things, I’m forced to depend and rely on God who is Majestic, Stunning, and Strong; yet full of Grace and Truth. 

For I know, God gave me autism.

Brooke:Finding Her Voice

What a ride. What a ride autism can bring in your life. You’re not only are a parent. A mother. A father. A brother. But you become a doctor/nurse. Furthermore, you exasperate every avenue that you possibly can til you find her voice. 

These past six months have been a ride for sure. From hospital visits via ambulance with constant UTIs to pneumonia to strep throat and to seizure medications that literally put you over the edge. 

I honestly wish that I could have experienced all of this for Brooke. I would love to extinguish the pain and especially the anxiety and stress in any given day. 

The past couple months we have been reducing a medication for seizure activity. This medication was given to her at the end of January and literally caused months and days of behavior. I can say today that she is seizure medication free and seizure free!!! Her neurologist and specialist in Retts, Dr Percy, said that we may not see a seizure for two months or it could be two years you never know. I am praying and  banking on forever. Our daughter became a different person with the seizure medication that she was on. We are so thankful for her to be off of it today. We also are very thankful for all the advice given to us with this medication. 

I am so thankful for her companions that have stuck with her and our family for the past several months day in and day out. They not only have been a source of encouragement but accountability and sweet care for Brooke, I really have no words for them except that they are a gift from God! 

Now we are having a new med change. Because there’s no longer a seizure medication, which also helped with being a mood stabilizer,  her anxiety has gotten worse day by day. The anxiety is contributed to really anything and everything. We take for granted going into stores or having people in our homes and things that come our way within a day. For Brooke because she cannot express her self it is difficult for her to understand. Every day we tell her what is going on in our day and what is happening, but obviously sometimes it just doesn’t click. Her anxiety is very evident and she becomes extremely clingy and she rubs her hands constantly or she starts to pick at her skin so it starts to bleed.  

As of tomorrow she is starting a new medication for anxiety. We are hoping that this really helps her become more stabilized. 

As of the end of July Brooke will be home for twoyears! This jubilee homecoming obviously over exceeds any pain and stress that have come to our family. However it is stressful! Autism is a ride for sure and one sometimes that you just want to get off of. Brooke doesn’t get that choice though, she’s on it for a lifetime. As her mother I’ll be her sidekick and forever friend. Forever doctor. Forever nurse. Forever mother. Always trying to find her voice.