God gave me autism

A few weeks ago I was sitting in “The Listening Room” in downtown Mobile listening to Leigh Nash from Sixpence None The Richer. I remember listening to her music with my yellow Sony cassette player at my first real job as an artist in the early 90’s. The setting that night was amazing, but it was her voice and distinguished vibe that drew me to her then and today. Towards the end of the concert, she told the story of her new song, “God gave me horses.” It was the title of the song that grabbed at my heart, and I faded into my own little world for a moment. I instantly started thinking of the idea of God giving me something as majestic, stunning, and strong; yet, graceful as a horse. Autism. 

One thing I know is that God is a gift giver. First off, He gave His only Son for us so that we may have eternal life (John 3:16). It just doesn’t stop there though. For believers, God wishes to gift us in areas of our lives that we aren’t expecting. His character proves that He is kind, loving, gracious and loves to lavish on His children. Knowing this, He would never give His children something that would hurt or harm us. (James 1:17).

My life has been full of gifts from the Lord, and I’m so thankful!  For instance, I know God has given me the gift of art: using my hands to portray His love and hope either in mosaics or paintings. Furthermore, He gives little gestures to us, like the kindness from a friend in the time of need. The book of James says, He’s the giver of wisdom, and gives grace and mercy! 

When I think of God giving me a gift, I honestly think of it being something like what a parent, spouse or friend would give, but with the Lord it goes deeper. I know He gives us things in order to build our character into more like Jesus. Many times, we don’t like those gifts very well. They seem hard, painful, unloving, and it becomes a grief-stricken thorn in our side. It’s really an option for us to receive that gift! For, isn’t it easier for us to receive something that brings a smile to our face? Of course! 

I say all this to say,  I’m certain that God gave me autism. Whew! It’s definitely not a gift I accepted easily, and honestly I never really saw it as a gift for many years. But, yes, God gave me autism in the form of my daughter to mold my character to be more like His. For its this kind of gift that is eternal. She has forced me out of my comfort zone to reach out to those who see with a different perspective. Autism has encouraged me to believe that God is able, and that Brooke is capable. Brooke, has influenced me to love unconditionally without regrets. It’s driven me to have faith, hope, and mostly, love to press forward in what others may call hopelessness. Among other things, I’m forced to depend and rely on God who is Majestic, Stunning, and Strong; yet full of Grace and Truth. 

For I know, God gave me autism.