caterpillars and butterflies

I have 2 tattoos on each of my wrist. one, ebed (Hebrew for slave to Christ), and second, a butterfly (in flight). my butterfly tattoo, created by a local artist, was engraved in my wrist for Brooke.

someone recently asked me what they both meant and I love sharing the stories of each of them. I shared with her that after the butterfly tattoo was done weeks later I realized that in the engraving was a capital "B". I thought that it was super cool that the artist designed it that way and without her knowledge of my daughter. several more week later a dear friend of mine called me after looking thru a James Avery Craftsmen magazine and told me that I needed to look immediately at the necklace called "Mother's Love". I was blown away that the same symbol in the necklace was also in my butterfly tattoo. in telling my story to my friend, I told her I had no idea of either symbols in the tattoo...but that the reason I chose a butterfly was because of her name. Brooke's middle name is Renee', which means "born again". [Born again can be recognized as the symbol of a caterpillar turning into a butterfly]. my new friend quickly said, "I didn't think you were going here with that story. Do you know how you say "caterpillar" in Latin"? ummm, well, no. she then told me, "brookum", actual translation, "bruchum".

I was blown away as I think my jaw hit the floor. Who knew when we named brooke, almost 17 years ago that her name would have such a powerful meaning. a caterpillar changing into a beautiful butterfly. proves to say that there's really a lot in a name...

I've always thought that when she get to Heaven the Lord will give her a new name. I can only imagine what that "new" name might be. For now, she's learning how to fly.

running for a reason

i consider myself to be pretty athletic gal. when i was younger i ran track. 50 yard dash and so on. i was an ok runner, but i loved to run. i played basketball in elementary and then a bit in high school. then i played softball. i was a catcher for our team. now, at 42, i feel myself getting up from a fast pitch and throwing it down the straight line to second base, in an attempt for an easy out, and my knees hurt. ha!

after you have children you wonder what sport will they play. when i had brooke, it crossed my mind she would be a runner. after all, she had bill's legs. now, i know she will never run (like you and me). she has other traits that i find courageous and that i could never do...so im ok, now, that she will never run.

i'm blessed to know certain people in my life. some i've never met, or will meet...but have had the unique experience to find them thru this crazy computer. it's not that they aren't real, but just the opposite...they are very real and raw and vulnerable people. amy courts is one of those. amy is an artist. she writes/sings...and with her music she has brought me into the presence of God. rare.

a few weeks ago, via facebook, she sent me a PM that stated this:

"you may or may not know this, but i've joined a group here on FB called "i run for Michael"...we pair runners and athletes with special needs people who can't or don't or won't be able to run like we do...and we run for them. for us runners, it just gives us something bigger to run for...it gives us a person. anyway, we are working on pairing up some more runners but we need more kiddos! I immediately thought of you and your incredible kids who have autism."

wow! was my immediate thought. i went to the site and found runners or walkers or others that were doing cross country and that were running/doing for a purpose, for a person that could never run. incredible! i told amy, "yes! find brooke a runner."

within hours we had a match. Brooke's runner is a lady named Yvonne. Again, its funny how the Lord knows just who to send in your life. Her story is one of strength, courage, grief, and passion.

i just had to express this story. it's one of selflessness and gratitude. it's one of strength and dying to self. it's one of honoring another.

and, personally, as a mother of one that can't run...i'm humbly grateful.

it's more than a gesture to me.
it gives life.
it gives hope.
it offers a chance to feel the wind in your hair and have a fresh breath of air in your lungs.

sweet 16/march 6

Brooke,

God has continued to grow you into His masterpiece...and what masterpiece you are. I love how, with every stroke He formed and made you. You are His...and I'm thankful He gave me you. 

In these past 16 years you have taught me some valuable lessons. You exhibit strength, beauty, loving kindness, patience, dependency in your creator, joy, peace, and HOPE. 

[with just glance in your eyes you give me energy and strength. holding your hand I sense your passion. watching you sleep I see your at peace. seeing tears in your eyes i know your struggle will one day end.]

you simply amaze me! 

I'm a better woman because of you. 

I love you brookie!

happy 16th birthday to my sweet girl!

momma.