guessing

there are things I don't understand autism. I guess I'm not suppose to. most days are a guessing game of why/how.

today was a day of guessing:

why does she smile looking at the window one moment and then smacks it repetitively the next.

what causes her to come up behind me to hug me with passion and the next moment slap the glasses off my face.

what makes her laugh and run thru the house playing "boo" and chase and then in the next moment hit a lamp off the table.

I could guess and watch behavior all day long but it's still autism. basically, it's still something that steals from our family and possibly yours.

don't get me wrong, I'm a pretty optimistic gal. however, in all my guessing I know one thing is certain...of all the things the Lord has brought me thru I'm confident of His plan.

confident the Lord holds her, heals her, loves her, nurtures her, gives her peace, restores her, Fathers her, embraces her, holds her tears in a bottle, has her name inscribed in His hand.

He is not one bit surprised at her smiles, laughter, tears, disability or the frustrations she experiences...because He made her.

even though there are days I may guess, wonder, and am driven with passion to help her...I know He never makes one mistake and NEVER guesses.

request/concern

this Thursday, Jan. 26, we will be headed to Birmingham to see Dr. Percy, Rett's Specialist. if you think of us, could you please pray for this trip for several reasons...

in a recent meeting, we were informed that brooke has been falling alot; she's falling getting out of vehicles and falling on flat services. i was a bit alarmed by this. her gait has always been a bit awkward and "off"...running into things when she walks. however, i've never known her to just fall out of the blue. this of course, has raised concern for the Rett's Syndrome she carries. there are 4 stages to Rett's (part of the autism spectrum). For more information about Rett's you can go here: http://www.rettsyndrome.org/. we are hoping she isn't leaping into stage 4.

the trip itself has always proven to be draining. driving 4 hours there/4 hours back and brooke not understanding the whys, whens, and hows of the day. i am praying the Lord will give her peace so that Dr. Percy can accurately examine her legs/walk/gait so we can give her the help she needs.

also, this past week brooke was diagnosed with a yeast infection. i'm sure this is uncomfortable for her. your prayers would be appreciated.

"the eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms." deut. 33.27

jubilee

this past year was a basket full of...

joy, love, pain, recovery, freedom,

loss, gains, a step back and a leap forward, forgivness,

a journey of grace, mercy, passion, regrets, small victories,

and the courage of a child to push thru another year.

during this past year, one word has rung solid in my ear.

i dream of it, live for it, imagine it, and one day i'll embrace it....

"jubilee"

Jan. 2011, the Lord gave me a promise thru a series of unusual events that led me to this word...this mystical, powerful event found in Lev. 25. in this passage you'll discover every 7 yrs is a year of jubilee. to be a bit more specific verse 10 says, "liberty throughout the land to all its inhabitants. It shall be a jubilee for you; when each of you shall return to his property and each of you shall return to his family." now, i won't go into the details of how, when, where the Lord showed this passage to me...however, i will say it is a promise He led me to that i'm holding fast to. i do know that His way is perfect, He is good, He is a faithful Father to brooke and to our family, and one day....He will return family to family.

i don't know how that looks like...i've thought almost everyday how that would come about...it doesn't make sense to me. as we say, "it doesn't work on paper." i've even thought, this year could be it because brooke is 14 and she has been in a facility since she was 7. but, i can't go there...so, needless to say, the Father's thoughts are higher than mine, My Father's ways are higher than mine. with confidence i rest in just knowing that one day it will happen.

so, i wait, i will wait for our jubilee.