in the garden

"and He walks with me, and He talks with me, and He tells me i am His own, and the joy we share as we tarry there none other has ever known"

i'm praying for you Brooke.

creek walking

overall, our weekend with brooke was a splash! we went to one of our favorite spots (the creek) on friday. brooke enjoyed walking in the water. i love this picture of us. i miss you, brooke, already.

display

We brought brooke home yesterday for a visit home. It has been great to have her home! As you all know i am all about a good storm. Last night we didn't get the storm, just lightening. i sat out on my swing watching the lightening pop in and out. It was great! God must have been thrilled about brooke coming home too, He gave us a great firework display!

(the Heavens do display His handiwork!)

looking forward

We are excited about our upcoming visit with Brooke. She'll be home on Wednesday and staying til Saturday. We plan on getting Brooke in the pool, taking some good walks, going to the parks to swing, and of course vegging by the t/v to watch her favorite shows.

We also are having a meeting on Wednesday with her staff.

Psalms 23

"He anoints my head with oil".
This passage has meant alot to me of late. I found this picture which illustrates this passage. The reason for the anointing of oil for a lamb is because bugs/insects get into the skin. The oil protects/heals the lamb from hurting and prevents bugs from irritating the area.
For me, it's personal...
I can just imagine, if you will, Him coming to me...as i'm resting in His pastures...and He comes up close to me, grabs my chin, and gently pours oil over my head. It's healing. It's personal. It's much more than just oil. It's Him.

Would You come, Shepherd, and anoint Brooke's head with oil.

(jason upton has a song called psalm. 23; a must to hear!)

being still and listening

never alone

I was reminded by a friend we are never alone. His presence is with us at all times, is He not? Sometimes, i wish we could see with spiritual eyes the presence of Himself. Would we not feel safer? Would we second-guess things? Would we believe more? Although we do not see Him...we believe in Him. His presence is what i want and desire; however, this is something as believers we already have. It is the constant encouragement that helps us "see" Him...it's the experiences we have with Him that make us "see" Him. Although I may feel alone...I am never alone.

I found this picture of Brooke walking alone under a covered bridge. Brooke, you are never alone.

us

a rare touch

psalms 71.3

"Be Thou my rock and habitation, whereunto i many continually resort. You have given commandment to save me."

it's raining here today, i love the rain. i'm safe in my habitation with my Lord.

more to say

i cannot get brooke off my mind tonight. seeing her today was difficult for me. she had so much anxiety written all over her face. she kept bitting her arm as a way of coping w/her stress. i wish i could have taken that away from her. when she left the appointment she just looked at me with a frown i do not see very often from her...big tears in her eyes. i felt as if she was saying to me...I need you mom, help me. Oh, Lord...please help her. i cannot. i am miles away from my little girl, now 5 feet tall. Comfort her fears like only You can. I don't even understand her fears, her anxiety, or pain....or autism. You do! We need you.

the group, Plumb sings a song called "My Child"...it's on my mind tonight as i cry thinking of her:

your eyes, my eyes, your smile, my smile, your love, my gain, your hurt, my pain, your laugh, my joy, every time, it's mine, You are my child. I will always protect you, oh and i will even let you go, i'll spend the sweetest time holding you , and i will let you grow, don't ever be afraid, cause i am here, and if you start to fear, just close your eyes, and hear me say, your love, my gain, your hurt, my pain, your laugh, my joy, every time, it's mine, You are my child.

being a mother to an autistic child is a gift...it's a challenge...a daily dying to self...sometimes overwhelming...sometimes you laugh your head off, sometimes you cry so much your eyes seem swollen, sometimes your pain is so great you cannot describe it to anyone else but God. Tonight, i'm there. No one knows like Jesus. No one!

appointment

Today was hard.

Brooke's visit home will be june 25-28.

my dearest brooke,

my mind is flooded w/thoughts of you, Brooke. it seems like forever since i've seen your face. i miss you dearly...i'm in your room as i write and there is such a void. you should be home. however, i know that God has you. Jesus has got you baby...and there is nothing i can do about it...in fact, i don't want to have anything to do about it...because His arms are the safest. With tears running down my face...i embrace the God who has both of us...knowing one day you will be well. You will be whole...and I can't wait for that moment...

it never gets easier. i'm ready to see you tomorrow.

between a rock and a hard place

Pressed beyond measure; yes, pressed to a great length;
Pressed so intensely, beyond my own strength;
Pressed in my body and pressed in my soul,
Pressed in my mind till the dark surges roll.
Pressure from foes, and pressure from dear friends.
Pressure on pressure, til life nearly ends.

Pressed into knowing no helper but God;
Pressed into loving His staff and His rod.
Pressed into liberty where nothing clings;
Pressed into faith for impossible things.
Pressed into living my life for the Lord,
Pressed into living a Christ-life outpoured.
(streams in the desert)

I am here in the pressing, and like Natilee Grant sings "I will not be moved."

friends...

lately i've seen some old friends...there is nothing like them! i gotta say, not only has it been my God that has gotten me thus far in life, but dear friends. There is nothing like them! Thank you to my friends (you know who you are)...for your prayers, comfort, listening ears, and just your faithfulness thru the years.
A friend loves at all times. Proverbs 17.17

rett's meeting

As you know Brooke has a rare form of Autism called Rett's. I have enclosed a fact sheet for those that are interested. (Brooke is in stage 3). Every 6 months brooke sees a specialist. To me, this meeting is always very important. Next thursday is her meeting. Brooke does not show all the characterisitcs of retts; however, it seems to me, she is showing more signs each year. Important decisions will take place at this particular meeting. would you join us in prayer as we seek wisdom from her doctor.

www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/rett/detail_rett.htm

some have wondered

"so, why butterflies?"

Brooke's middle name is Renee'. Renee means 'Born Again.' The Caterpillar turning into a Butterfly have most often been referred to in this way...which also is the expression of the Christian.

hard...

...to believe that it's only june 1 and i have to wait til the end of the month before another home visit. i wish the time was already here.