my day in b/ham

well, it turned out that brooke didn't get any work on her tooth. she'll be going to another doctor that will be able to assit her better. seeing her today took my breath away. they had given her some meds for her to be calm.....b/c of that she was so sweet. very relaxed.....and loving. she just held on to me as i laid my head on her lap. it was great to see her...even if it was 15 minutes. i always say "it's the little things in life"....and it was today-the little touch, the little smile, the little words of "mommy", "yep", are you okay......man, when she asked me that....i felt like taking her to get a coke and sitting down and saying, ya know honey....i'm not okay-i think about you constantly, i wanta know what's going on in your mind, i wanta know what you do daily, i wanta know what foods you eat....no, brooke i'm not okay---b/c your not w/me. but i held my tongue and said, yeah brooke....mommy is okay. my favortie singer is sara groves. she sings this song called "it's gonna be alright". i think of today-and think of that song....remembering, yeah....it's gonna be okay, brooke. with you in His hands...and with the Comforter at my side...we both are going to be okay.

it's real

grief....it comes and goes, does it not. tonight i feel as if i cannot move. yes, i trust God completely...but the pain is real. be my refuge and fortress whereunto i can continuely resort.

ps. 71.3

bitter-sweet

it's a bitter sweet weekend for me. brooke was suppose to come home but as stated earlier she cannot. i think the next time we can get her for a visit is Thanksgiving. I wish it was already here. i say bitter-sweet b/c i get to get away for the weekend (this signifies the sweet--ha). i need the time to be by myself---yet at the same time surrounded by other ladies i don't know. My precious friend will be doing a retreat...and it turned out i get to go. what makes it bitter-sweet is that i get to show my mosaics to others this weekend....which the whole reason i do them is for Brooke. She will constantly be on my mind as i talk/share w/other ladies how brokenness really does bring healing. i love you brooke-e

no visit

our visit w/brooke will not happen this weekend. the nurse called this morning and reported she has taken some stitches out already. the problem is if she continues to do this the wound will get worse and they will have to do something else. next week, however, i do get to see her...but i doubt she will remember me being there. she is getting her tooth fixed and they will be putting her under. the nurse told me it took 3 adults to get her calm the other day saturday night from anxiety and behavior problems. i hurt for her. please continue to pray on her behalf.

small accident

Brooke had an accident last night that took her to the er. She is better now. However she has 5 stitches on her mouth. If you know anything about brooke she is very bad about "picking"....picking sores, her mouth, her hands, etc.... They are trying to redirect her to stop touching her mouth where the stitches are. If not, she'll pull them out. Pray she is healed soon so that this doesn't become a future problem. i went up to see her last night as soon as i found out. it was great to see her...i hate under those circumstances though. right before i left i got to lay down beside her in her bed and hold her. It reminded me of God. When he knows we've fallen to the ground....He comes. Even in the middle of the night. He lays beside us and holds us....praying for us and brings healing to our brokenness. His touch is worth it all.

the swing

the pine needles and grass are pressed down where brooke has been this weekend at home. The swing she loves has been unactive until this past weekend. The swing. I don't know if you remember your childhood of swinging, but there is something about flying in the air. brooke only goes so far....her feet hit the ground each time she lifts off....in the air..and back on the ground again. I love to swing. sometimes i'll just randomly stop at some playground and just swing. brooke and i have that in common. the pine needles and grass will start edging there way from the ground where they were stepped on until brooke comes home again.

it thrilled me so to have her home for 24 hours. she smiled so much....she got a hair cut...and ate anything she wanted! here are the latest pictures of her and the swing.