are you okay?

i was reading over some past blogs...and i had to copy/paste this one...because it's exactly how i was feeling today.
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there are times when brooke puts a couple words together or she echos something....today she said, "are you okay?"......man, when she asked me that....i feel like taking her to get a coke and sitting her down face to face and say, "ya know honey....i'm not okay-i think about you constantly, i wanta know what's going on in your mind, i wanta know what you do daily, i wanta know what foods you eat...i wanta know what you want me to do for you, for our future...i want to see you everyday, but sometimes i can't....i wanta spend every moment w/you in a day..but i cannot. i wanta know what makes you cry, laugh, be so scared at it makes you shake. i wanta know.....
so...no, brooke i'm not okay---because baby, your not w/me."

Jesus has got you baby...

lessons from brooke

the past week when we were on our "break" time...brooke spent the night. this time it was a bit different...bill suggested she "skip" school. (sorry LT staff). it was so great to wake up and not be in a rush to get her somewhere...or us for that matter. we snuggled in bed, i made her a yummy breakfast, watched a little tv, chick-fi-la picnic...then....took a little trip to fairhope. we love fairhope! brooke loves the pier. she just enjoys walking on it...and then turning around to walk back. too fun! it is the little things in life, right?

on our walk i had a cherry pepsi (of course)! she grabbed it from my hand drank a bit....and then SPLASH...into the bay and kept walking. (sorry ocean for the rubbish). i thought it was a bit funny. if you know brooke..then you know when she is done with something or someone she is DONE. she doesn't care or for that matter, understand. i walked away learning a little something from her in that moment....

there are things in our life we just need to throw away and then keep walking. no looking back. no jumping in to get what we threw away...just keep walking.

so that is what WE did...we kept walking.

family time

we've had some great family time recently..

just speechless today...so i thought i'd let you see some shots. more to come later.

swinging

this girl loves to swing. she takes after her mom...because one of my favorite things to do is swing from a big swing! she always seems to have the biggest smile on her face followed by great laughter!

she's seems to be feeling much better. when i saw her yesterday at the group home her hands were shaking pretty badly...but today they seemed much better. hum...don't really know why. she seems to be filled w/mystery.

we are headed off to break....and then finally back on our regular schedule. we are hoping to get brooke on monday and tuesday. (i'm hoping she can skip school on tuesday).

i've got some great family photos of us...so when i get back in town....i'll put them up.

under the weather

i got a call on saturday that brooke's cheek was swollen and she had to go to the er to get things checked out. turns out she had a UTI and maybe a staph infection. (i was out of town and couldn't go like i wanted to).

today she woke up and again her cheek was swollen she had been bumping into things and had even fallen when she was walking. today i met them at the doctor's office to find out she more than likely has a staph infection in her face. they swabbed her throat for strep and we will find about that on thursday. she is on antibiotics to get this thing out of here.....i hope it goes soon!

this picture was taken at the doctors office today...all smiles of course! :)

holding on.

we recently moved into a new "relief" house from the home. brooke has adjusted really well in it. just this past weekend she stayed over on a visit and i loved every moment of it. she enjoyed eating french fries...hamburgers...fruit...buscuits...sasuage...and of course some yummy ice cream.
sunday night she fell asleep in our bed so of course i jumped in w/her....in the middle of the night she rolled over and grabbed my arm and just hung on. it was simply beautiful! i probably was in the most uncomfortable spot (and my neck told me in the morning). however....i couldn't move...didn't want to move in fear she would roll back over and the moment would be gone.

these are the moments i love...they are precious to me as a mom.
i think about these moments w/the Lord....and how He longs for us to reach over and grab Him...just because. NOT because we need something, or we need to hang on for dear life...but just because. just because we love HIM....because HE loves us.

now that is precious...and today, i'm holding on to His arm.

you...

don't care that your hair is messy. that others sometime stare at you. that you really don't care what you eat...as long as you do. you don't mind letting others help you. you enjoy laughing, smiling. you see life through a different perspective than me. you are remarkable. you let others push you til you get it right (yes, sometimes fighting..ha). you don't seem to mind letting others make decisions for you when you don't know. you love life. you love it when i sing to you...even off key, but you don't mind. you are beautiful....
you make me dream bigger.
you make me push harder than i've pushed before.
you make me see life through different eyes.

you are my gift...
you..are!

heart warming...

my daily visits with brooke have been to die for!
she has been so loving..
caring, full of laughter..
great looks, funny sounds..
unique humor, and timeless smiles!

i have been out of pocket recently because our break schedule has been a bit different lately...but come mid september i'll be back with fun pictures.

lunch

my weekly lunch with brooke was just fulfilling! this girl loves to eat...and loves her veggies. it was great to spend some time w/her yesterday at the group home and then today at the school. i appreciate those that work w/brooke and others at The Learning Tree to help children like Brooke.

brooke, you make me smile.

(this picture was taken yesterday at the group home)

visits

i got to visit w/brooke briefly today before i had to return back to work. this summers schedule has been difficult to see her for long periods of time because of our job. however, monday the boys return back to school and my time will ease up a bit. i hope to visit with brooke daily again in her group home/school.

the Lord is doing many things within our family. i'm watching His hand move and i will be eager to share all what He has spoken in secret at the right time.

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither your ways My ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts." Is. 55.8-9

Brooke, Jesus has got you baby..

lesson from a turtle

we have a new pet in our backyard. a box turtle. i've enjoyed watching him for the past few weeks after the boys captured him. the boys have asked many questions about him but one question in particular has stuck with me and i can't seem to escape the answer. the question was..."why does he have to carry around the hard shell on his back?" my answer..."protection, boys!"

on a somewhat personal side...these past few months i've allowed myself to believe in false securities/false protection. in doing so i only got further away from the "real" protection i needed. it left me vulnerable. i was in constant fear...always looking over my shoulder...trying to cover up with self-protection. thinking i was happy...i was really miserable. it wasn't until i let Jesus pull me back under His wing, shelter, refuge, and ultimately His authority that i felt His protection.

as the mother of brooke, i am always trying to protect her from getting hurt...and rightfully so. we, as parents, should watch over what we have been entrusted with. i'm grateful that Jesus has gone above and beyond to protect His own! He goes before us, behind us..."For the Lord will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard" Is. 52.12

a friend told me just a few days ago, "He's got our backs"....i'm sure our little box turtle is thinking the same thing.

how fun!

my visit w/brooke tonight was oh so fun!!!

she had just gotten out of the shower so i got to dry her hair and fix it...then we sat on the couch and she just laughed saying "tank you, tank you"! looking at me and smiling...and then laughing some more. at one point she reached her hand behind my neck and then grabbed me toward her to kiss me...and oh boy she did! it was OH so fun!!

i laid down w/her in her bed...told her i loved her and she said as clear as day..."i know"...i smiled and she repeated...broken English....but still the words were there!

she made my day. she always has a way to cut me to the core...

so we get to brooke's house and ethan and josiah run and jump in her lap. it was just beautiful. every now and then brooke would look at ethan and smile really big. she loves her brothers. her brothers are the only ones that i know of that can get that close/personal to her for a lengthy amount of time w/o getting slapped or hit. it's just precious.

i got to spend some time w/brooke yesterday at the group home. she seemed a bit reserved and to her self...however it was great to be in her space and sit close to her!

even though she is just 3 miles down the road i miss her!

easter

yes, i'm just now experiencing Easter in July...in more ways than just one.

brooke came to church w/us on Easter...and it was adorable!

she crossed her legs and everything while she was in her dress...

finger/Advocate

brooke has been picking at her fingers so badly that 2 infections have come up on different fingers. she has been to the doctor w/both and they have drained them. she has lost each finger nail and has been on a anti-biotic to ilmenite further infection. it looks painful and must feel painful.

the boys at the cottage got to meet brooke yesterday. josiah and ethan answered the questions they had..it was sweet. josiah and ethan were so proud to introduce her to them! i loved seeing the excitement!

Just yesterday bill and i were talking about Jesus being our Advocate. I loved thinking on Him as such and it was a huge encouragement to me knowing that He has not only paid the price for us...but daily He fights for us and presents us to His Father....
I love being an advocate for Brooke. I will continue to be her voice and fight for her when she cannot...

just beautiful

just so you know....when we are off duty at the children's home i do not have access to a computer to share information, news, pictures, etc...except on facebook. we do not own a computer right now....so posting does not happen as often as i would like...

with that said...we have been out of pocket for 10 days. bill went to Guatemala and i took the boys to Memphis, saw family, visited some special friends, and came back home to spend some one-one-one with brooke. Bill had a very interesting trip out of the country....and me, i felt like i went out of the country as well. Needless to say it was good for all of us!

It was great to spend so much time with brooke. i took her to the dentist in Pensacola, Fl ate lunch at the relief house and then i took her back to her group home...later that Tuesday night she spent the night w/me and we had a little slumber party. we ate pizza and drank coke in the bed...watching TV of course! it was truly a girls night! she finally drifted off to sleep around 10:30. i took her to school the next day. Wednesday and Thursday i was busy packing up our relief house for us all to move to another house the children's home owns. i spent more time w/her at her group home both days...just hanging out in her world. bill came back on Thursday night...so Friday we grabbed her for some ice-cream at marble slab. the picture (on facebook) is just amazing!!! i will have to post it on the blog soon.

Sunday was a beautiful day with brooke. i asked her staff if they could join us at church...and gladly they came. i love when she comes to church w/us. typically we sit in the back and every now and then you hear a "yep" or "hello" echo thru the sanctuary. i love the sounds she makes! Sunday, i had no idea we would get to participate in the Lord's Supper. brooke has never been in a service w/us where we have done this as a family..but Sunday was our day. i wish you could have seen and experienced what i saw. leaning on her daddy's shoulder she watched us carefully as i grabbed 3 pieces of the bread and 3 cups of the "juice"...(after she hit the tray w/her foot...i almost lost it all...but thankfully i caught it.) at "our" special time, i gave the piece to brooke in her little fingers and she put it in her mouth...and then we proceeded. it was beautiful! i cannot paint the picture w/words, not could i "paint" it at all except to say it was so peacefully beautiful! i will never forget that day. i needed that day...and God knew it!

God is the keeper of our hearts. He is doing a work in our hearts and i'm finding that i cannot be without Him not one second. I'm trusting that He is making a way for us...for all of us. As the proverbs says.."and she smiles at her future".

Brooke's future is all smiles....and i'm leaning heavily on Him for it!

the report is in

it was a great day on the road with brooke to birmingham to the doctor. the only time she displayed behavior is when we got out of the car to go into the office. after she was offered "dora the explorer" her world was good to go!

the doctor made some suggestions especially that of her diet. brooke as recently lost some weight and because of her height she is in need for more calories/intake. over the past few months her hands/wrist have needed some attention. her fingers/wrist are swollen because she bites them in moments of stress. it was suggested to protective wrist band in the night so that if she hits it against the bed/wall she will be safe. during the day her staff attends to her behavior as needed to protect her from any further damage.

all in all the appointment was good. they noticed improvement.

I didn't get to see her yesterday...but today i hope to run over & kiss her face.

brooke...Jesus has got you! (and your mommy)

are you kidding me?

has it really been this long since i posted? i am so sorry for the delay...i have been in a world of my own and time has slipped away. However....i'm eager in "getting back".

My summer work schedule has not allowed me to visit/work with brooke at the school...so i go to her group home and catch up on all the activities of the day. i enjoy seeing her at the group home and i'm learning alot of how she plays, interacts, does chores, and etc.

Brooke is so tall, beautiful, and full of energy!

Brooke has her yearly doctors appointment in Birmingham tomorrow. we will journey up with 2 of her staff and see Dr. Percy. I will post pictures tomorrow and share information about her visit.

until then...yes, we are still alive!

I know...

lately i just haven't posted like i use to. i guess i'm just so busy. in january bill and i switched from taking care of teenage girls to elementary boys! BIG DIFFERENCE. i usually don't post anything on my work life because basically it doesn't have much to do w/brooke. but, lately, we have been getting use to the transition from the girls to the boys. i guess it will never be quite the same (boys and girls are so different)...but it is a bit nice to be the only girl in the house. :-)


these past weeks josiah and ethan have expressed more about brooke than they have in the past. could be some of the movies they have seen lately or maybe....they're just missing their big sister. ethan laid in his bed the other night and cried so hard saying, "i wish brooke wasn't autistic. i want her to live with us." okay, i know i grieve from time to time...but when your child grieves, it hurts...big time. i love seeing brooke w/her brothers. they can be all up in her space and she just looks at them and laughs. sometimes she throws punches, but then again what are sisters for...especially when your all up in a "girl's space." gotta love it!



we had brooke over this past sunday night to spend the night w/us at the relief house. it was a short visit...but it was precious. i love waking up w/her at my side. sometimes i'm awakened w/a slap to my face and other times a soft kiss on my head, cheek, elbow, shoulder...she makes the connection, and it is precious. it makes me smile when she just lays there very still, silent, and i can hear and feel her heart beat. it makes me wonder. i love brooke so much.



today i will have lunch w/her.