i know

there are days that i'm with brooke and know that she "gets it." her body languge, her laughter, smiles, even tears, and yes, her behavior at times can speak volumes to us as her family.

then there are the rare moments where she says a simple phrase, or just a word. we all stop in our tracks hoping for more of where that came from.

yesterday was one of those moments:
i went to see brooke yesterday afternoon...she met me at the door and instantly i knew something was up. you know the moments when you are just about to cry but you hold it in with every ounce of you? (i could tell that this was one of those times..and that brooke was on the verge of tears). we walked outside and she tried to get in my van and a car before i redirected her to the swing set in the back yard. she was verbally not interested. moments later she went back in the group home and into her room...plopping on her bed with covers over her head. without prompting, she kept saying the same thing, "..___..._____...momma," but i couldn't make it out. her words were jumbled together and the only thing that i really got was "mommie." i moved from the end of her bed to see her face underneath the covers...when i got there, she removed the covers and just stared at me. i told her i had to leave to go back to work and she responded with "ok." i told her i loved her. then as i do most every time i see her, i looked at her in the face and said, "brooke, Jesus has got you." without blinking an eye her response was precious, priceless, and quite frankly shocking. looking at me in the eyes she said, "i know."

if you know brooke, then you know this never happens...but in the moment she got it! needless to say, i got it too. her ruthless trust in Jesus, as she verbally stated, allowed me to rejoice in the midst of such emotion. i was so shocked by her response all i could do was stand up, lean in, kiss her forehead, and leave the room. obviously, as stated in the book of Matthew, there is someone Greater here for her than me. Jesus does have her...and fully convinced of this i say with confidence with brooke, "I know."

"i know whom i have believed and am persuaded that He is able."

photo albums

oct. 13, 2011, marked 3 years of residential living for brooke at the Learning Tree in our area.

during her time there we have encountered various trials and victories...some i have posted about and you have read...others never to be spoken or read.

on thursday, oct 13...i went to brooke's group home like i do everyday...but today did seem a bit different. it was as if she knew it had been 3 years. i stood beside her bed to hear just a "chatter" from her of any kind...i got nothing. within minutes, and without any gestures from me, brooke got up, went to her night stand where animals and photo albums remain, and she grabbed 3 of her photo albums i had made for her. with books in hand she quickly jumped on her bed and reading from right to left she looked thru the pictures as if she remembered each one and the day it was captured. over and over again, going from album to album, page to page, she pointed to grandparents, ethan's face, josiah's hands, she glanced over her cousins and self-portraits. she smiled at some. looked away at others. i wondered what she thought. i wondered how she felt.
one thing i do know is she remembered. this was the first time i've seen her look thru her pictures in at least a year. for some reason, on that day in front of me, she wanted to see them and it made me smile.

sometimes i forget that not only we miss her greatly..but she misses us. it was a beautiful picture to me...
one that i wanted to capture and put in her photo album.
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it's not a surprise we miss brooke and want her in a place of stability so that she can come back home and live with us. we desire that and there are days i pray more than i breath for her return.
i know it will happen.
i know there will be a jubilee. (lev. 25)