our moment

these shots were taken by a dear friend, lonna. you'll see her in the picture at the end. lonna and i met about 8 years ago at a youth conference in st. louis in the midst of about 10,000 people. we've been talking since then thur email and such. just recently, she was driving thru and stopped in. great to see her after all these years! lonna has a great eye for photography and i love her work! i introduced her to brooke and she took some random shots that i will cherish forever. thanks lonna for capturing moments w/brooke that are priceless to me!

hide and seek

summer life

a passion of mine is writing and i have had "little" to no time to do just that this summer. the children's home life has kept me very busy, but i'm turning back to blog/passion!

just saw brooke last night! she was running thru the house very happy. my thoughts are: they told her that i was coming over and she couldn't help herself get excited. it was a sweet visit. my friend, lonna, was coming thru town and stayed w/us...she met brooke. good timing too!

i'm in love w/that little girl of mine. i miss her little self in my own house.

fairHOPE

i love this picture of brooke.

i sure wonder what she is thinking as she overlooks the fairhope bay.

this picture cracks me up! she was so giggly...

nothing like a daddy hug

no one can sit w/brooke like this for long periods of time

except for ethan and josiah. if i were only smaller!

ethan sure loves his sister.

nothin' like a brookie-cookie kiss. you never know

what to expect.

peace!

we had a great time at the fairhope pier.

her leg is doing good w/o the help of the "hot" boot she wore.

she is in school daily now and so that is taking some adjustments. Sunday night my parents will be here so brooke will come to the cottage for a bit to visit.

i love you brooke!

Jesus has got you!

a new day

the boot is officially off and her leg is healed "100%", her doctor said at her appointment today! this is a new day for all of us, especially brooke. brooke, you are my trooper! i love you more than you know.

her doctor appointment w/her rett's doctor went well. we were told it is likely brooke will not go into stage 4. this was good news. we go back in one year. thanks for her staff for a crazy day on the road, in the office, and at chick-fi-la.

she will come to the cottage tomorrow for abit of july 4th celebration.

(those are my clothes she is wearing!)

crazy...

i cannot believe i'm buying clothes for brooke--that fit me!

we go to b/ham friday for her Rett's appointment. july 3rd...just maybe she'll be w/o her boot on her leg. we will see. i'll show recent photos soon.

all smiles

i love this picture! (taken about 1 month ago)

life...

...has been a bit crazy, sorry for the lack of updates. i hope to get better at this! brooke has had an allergic reaction to something this past week. underneath her eyes were really red and dry looking. she is doing better. it was a bit strange. her leg is still healing. she has an appointment on June 18. I hope the boot can come off...we will see. (i'm ready for her to go to the beach w/us!). I'll be updating new photos soon. she got her hair cut today and i'll be visiting her today!
she also has an appointment w/rett's doc in birmingham later this month. i'll be driving up w/her staff.

growing up

this picture was taken years ago in Memphis when we were at the children's home. as a friend of mine and I were talking...i found this picture to be a bit ironic. The road she is sitting on reminds me of the journey she is on, up hill, windy, down hill, rough, smooth...
she's growing up and we will continue to walk down every road with her. I love you brook"e".

at the cottage

cottage visit

Brooke came to the cottage tonight and had dinner with us and the girls. Afterwards we spent time on the playground...it was good to have her back w/us at the home. This was her first time back to the cottage after her accident. She had a good time and the boys, bill and i had a nice visit with no behaviors. She seems to be transitioning okay back into school going from 11-1 (PE and lunch)...sounds like my type of school. soon she'll swing back into the full realm. i'll have pictures of her visit at the cottage soon (my other computer is down at the moment).

A friend of mine and I have been reading thru Romans. This week we are on Romans 5. I'd encourage you to read it. Today, my calendar had this to say and it reminded me of the passage. I hope it will encourage you in your circumstances as it has mine.

"the only thing that will enable me to enjoy adversity is the acute sense of eagerness of allowing the life of the Son of God to evidence itself in me"

i found that to be profound and a life i strive to live towards in my circumstances.

mother's day

I waited to spend the end of my day with brooke. When i got to her house i helped feed her, bathe her (yes, w/NO CAST!!!!), get her ready for bed, and then a chance to lay next to her in her bed as she drifted off to sleep. It was worth the wait!

She will wear the boot for 2 weeks solid and then the later 2 weeks she can take off the boot for a few hours in the day. At first she was hesitant to walk and needed assistance, but from what i heard yesterday she can now "take off"....which is pretty much back to normal for her.

(sorry about the lack of updates, i'm so busy at the home i don't get a chance to write as much as i would like)

coming soon

i will have pictures and information after her doctor appointment on Thusday! Hopefully the boot will come on!

random talk

recently i was chatting w/my best friend about brooke. this is what i said:

i hate autism. i hate that i can never have a conversation w/brooke like i do with others (the same age). i hate i can't tell her not to wear that outfit, i hate she is just not down the hall from me for me to peek in to watch her sleep, or give her medication when she is sick, or go to the movies and laugh/cry, i hate to see her hurt or to have anxiety over the smallest things. i hate leaving her house that she calls "home" and that i call "her school".

but i love the way she looks at me...even if she is not smiling...even it it's just a look of "what's wrong", or i'm sad, or what's going to happen now.

being a mom is the hardest job i've ever had. but i love it so much.

i love Romans 11:33-36. i'm reminded of this passage tonight. He is the only wise God...and I am in constant need of His wisdom, strength, love, and grace. I'm thankful He gives it to me. He blows me away...even in the midst of my uncontrollable circumstances.

still waiting....

i've waited forever for this day...brooke's cast was coming off and a walking boot was coming on; BUT, there was a change of plans. brooke's leg still needs some time to heal so we will wait 2 more weeks and then she'll be in the walking boot, and it could be up to 4 weeks!

the bed she had in our house is now officially in her room at the LT. I didn't get a chance to see it today, but in the morning i plan to go and take some pictures of her w/dad/me/bed! i love her bed! i hope that when she got back to her room today she found it to be a nice surprise.

next week is IEP week. IEP (individual education plan). those are always bitter/sweet. you see how she is doing and how far she has to go. As far as how she is doing i've heard from a 'reliable' source that her behaviors have decreased and she is showing great strides! i hope this continues even when she returns to campus...we will see. i have high hopes.

she steals my heart, she makes me smile, she stirs my imagination, she makes me dream, she allures my soul to the Lord, she makes me do things i normally would not do. i love this little girl with all that is within me.

future

lately i've thought alot of your future brooke...where will we be 5 years from now or will you ever come and live w/us again? there is alot to consider but i'm grateful He knows and His way is perfect. (ps. 18)

HE IS ALIVE

We had the best day! I had the opportunity to do 2 palm paintings (http://www.shabarministries.blogspot.com/) and not only was that great for me but Brooke came! Bill wheeled her down the front and she watched me paint. i wish i could have seen her face. But from what i heard she had big smiles. I heard her on occasion and loved hearing her random blabs, then sometimes i heard nothing like you could hear a pin drop. She was in a happy mood today and i was so glad to be in church w/her, sitting beside her, holding her hand, watching her look into my eyes...it was precious and this is a day i'll remember for a long time to come.

this is not new news:

I miss you Brooke...more than i could paint on a canvas, write on a page, sing outloud, or even breath the smallest breath. I wish i could lay beside you tonight. why does my heart grieve so badly for you at times and other times laugh so hard when i'm in your presence? i will never understand the heart of a mother.

new cast decoration!

the boys had a great visit w/brooke yesterday. brooke (in these pictures) seems alittle preoccupied with the T.V. i'm going to see her today again, w/us being on break. she is precious and love being at her side!

a new day!

today was a good day! after many weeks brooke got her pins out of her leg and her cast off. However, she got another cast on (this one is bright organge!). This time she finally can bend her knee. I can't imagine how she feels having that thing off. The doctor said that the bone that was broken is the worst (on the leg) to heal....so a few more weeks in this cast and then a walking boot...and then we are FREE!!!! She can put some weight on her leg but w/assitance. Since she was having such a hard time after the event...i wasn't able to get some good pictures, so i hope to get some tomorrow as i see her and of course, sign her cast!

Thanks TLT staff for your hard work these past several weeks. i know it hasn't been the easiest job with bathing, staying up all hours of the night, staying right near her side, feeding her, and mostly loving her when i cannot be there to do what you do. I know we still have a ways to go...we are just one day closer.

i love you brooke! i'll see you very soon!

appointment

brooke is suppose to get her cast off and pins out on Thursday! Then she'll get another one on below her knee. I know she'll be excited to bend her knee and possibly walk on it. I'm looking forward to Thursday.

release your grief:

from Come Away My Beloved: (matthew 11.29)

my child, lean your head upon My bosom. I know well your weariness, and every burden i would lift. Never bury your griefs, but offer them up to Me. You will relieve your soul of much strain if you can lay every care in My hand. Never cling to any trouble, hoping to resolve it yourself, but turn it over to Me. In doing so, you will free Me to work it out.

thoughts:

i've been thinking about brooke's development lately. Questions of: what will she be like in 5 years, how much help will she need, what needs to be provided for her, etc...? I know that Brooke will need to be dependent upon someone. You have to think long term, even though i don't like to at times.

in thinking on this i've been made aware of my life spiritually. "let us go on to maturity (development)" the writer of Hebrews says. I know i need to be dependent upon Jesus...for i am nothing w/o Him at my side. so, brooke and i have some similar paths in front of us and even now. We are dependent people. I am in desperate need of Him, every moment til i see Him face to face.

i'm spending time w/brooke today (on the first day of our break from the cottage). it'll be good to be w/her. i miss sitting beside her. she has a way that makes everything in my world look so small. she has a way that changes my outlook on things. she has a way that makes me bold and courageous and strong. she has something about her that let me see that i am in need of Him and w/o Jesus I'm incomplete.

brooke,

can't get my mind off you tonight....i miss you and you are just 4 miles away from me. i long to see you!

a question for brooke...

my mind is full of questions for brooke today. sometimes i wish i could sit right in front of her and have a conversation...or even yet, just let her answer "yes" or "no" to me. today i just wondered if she ever grieves, thinking outloud...i'm sure she does, everyone does. i've seen alot of grief, been involved w/alot of grief, and heard of alot of grief in the past couple of weeks...so i guess that is why my question for her today would be: How do you handle with your grief, Brooke?

today, randomly i got a card from a person i have never met. Inside the card was written Psalm 121.1-2. I love this passage of scripture. (just happens to be my "brooke" passage). This is my answer when grief occurs in my life. i encourage you to go and read it....may God use it in your life as He has mine.

in remembrance

today i'm remembering a dear friend of mine. we were accountability partners for a couple years when i started my journey with the Lord. Today, she will deliver her conjoined twins that are already in the arms of Jesus. My heart grieves for her today. I'm reminded of a verse "after a little while you have suffered".... I sometimes wonder how long "a little while" is. I pray that peace surrounds her and her family as they walk thru these difficult hours of "a little while".


brooke has been sick and went to the doctor today.

her day

Brooke had a good birthday weekend. We got her friday afternoon went to a near-by park and took a walk (well, i pushed the wheelchair). She kept smiling. After that, we got home with pizza and cupcakes! It was close to her bed time so we watched Monsters, Inc. to end the night. It did not take her long to go to sleep. I enjoyed getting to sleep with her....which is always fun in the morning when she looks at you after waking up! When we took her back to the home they were on their way to FairHope Pier. I hope she had fun.

12 years old!!!

happy birthday, brooke!!!

our weekend

excited to say brooke will be spending the weekend w/us at our relief house while we are on our break. last year we did not get the chance to be w/brooke on her b/day so this will a real treat. Because of her cast, we will just lay around watching old movies (good idea mg)...we will take her back to her group home saturday morning. i'm looking forward to being w/you brooke! you make me smile.