brooke's day

brooke turned "15" yesterday. it was a beautiful day...the weather was perfect, sunny, slight wind, and after picking up brooke at the school, it was all smiles. previously, i had picked up cupcakes at a local bakery, made lasagna (her personal fav), had gotten 15 colorful balloons for her to release into the sky, and had gotten her a few gifts i knew she would enjoy. it was going to be a wonderful day! i was determined!

but...
i had to take her back early because she was exhibiting behaviors too much for the boys at the children's home to observe. it was a difficult choice, but nevertheless, it had to happen. upon leaving the house to her group home, we also left the lasagna cooking in the oven, her gifts still waiting for her to see, and a box of cupcakes ready to attacked. right before she left we did manage for her to release the balloons. (the pics are on facebook if interested in seeing).

to be honest, i was disappointed. once a year we celebrate someones birthday, the day they were created by the Almighty God...and i had wanted this day to be special for her. i had wanted each moment to be all smiles, to express to her we loved her and that she was indeed special and precious.

i got home from that drop-off just thinking about my day with her, and even 15 years ago, what my day was like with her. then....ever had one of those moments when someone says something to you in a moment when you need it the most? well, i did...in that moment this is what my dear friend said...."you KNOW that this is why we celebrate birthdays on odd days, and holidays on the day after, etc...because we have to. AND BECAUSE WE CAN. we are accepting enough to know that it's about the love all year long-not just on the designated day. tomorrow is another day. cupcakes are always around somewhere. and so is your love."

after i read this, i wept...and thought several things..

she was correct. life itself is a gift and we should celebrate it daily...for we do not know when that life will be taken from us. on another note, autism is crazy...the things you have planned for just one day MAY NOT happen at all because the circumstances surrounding are JUST NOT in our control. birthdays are great and i love celebrating in them, but it made me reconsider that TODAY is a moment to celebrate the lives that are around us. i may have looked at this a bit to serious (i do "think" a lot though)....but i do like the perspective i have now. Today, i'm looking around to see who i need to celebrate. For, tomorrow, i may not get that chance.

in taking brooke back to her group home....over and over and over again she repeated something i've heard for a really long time. she said, "it's ok." each time she said it i was reminding myself that, yeah, brooke, it is ok. then, there was a long pause in the speech. when she spoke again, she said, "I'M ok." now, i've never heard her say that...but it was as if she was reassuring me that she was ok. She didn't know it was birthday, per say, but what i think she did know is that i love her dearly, and i'd do anything in the world for her. what i think she knew is that she was in the midst of an Almighty God that formed and made her and loved her......and she was OK.