thoughts:

"She holds no complaint for the life that she’d known." (jackie)

if you read the previous poem by my friend, you read this line. this statement struck a cord w/me. As i think about Brooke's life, from a mother's point of view", it does appear as if she has had no compliants for the life she has known; perhaps because she knows no other life.

two things from this phrase.
first: i thought of this from a salvation standpoint. We don't miss what we have never known. I don't know who reads this blog...but if you do not know Jesus Christ and have a personal relationship with Him let me encourage you to search...for you will find Him! Before I came to believe in Jesus, i did not know any other way of life--except that of my own.

second: i don't know what brooke knows or does not know. i've always said, "i wish i could get in her head for just 1 minute". Her life has changed many, mine being one. Her life has given me my "life" back...and has forced me into a world with Jesus i may not have gone otherwise.

like us all our lives are "fearfully and wonderfully made"

Sing, Dance, Praise

By Jackie

For Brooke

Sing, Dance, Praise

Our brown eyed girl sits glued to the glass.
What has caught her attention?
What makes the stare last?
I look through the window.
I see nothing at all.
She smiles and she giggles as a leaf gently falls.

She is watching the dance and learning to sing
As nature performs the praise of the King.
The movement is smooth and the song flows in the trees.
Some day she’ll remember when she bows at His knees.
He’ll ask her to do what she ne’er done before.
There’ll be a hush in the Heaven’s as she crosses the floor.

She’ll sing Him a song of redemption and grace.
She’ll know He approves by the smile on His face.
She’ll flow with the movements she saw in the grasses.
And she’ll dance at His feet while eternity passes.
She knows that He loved her and blessed her with gifts.
She saw things of Heaven that others all missed.

Her praise will be open and silenced no more.
For she heard them declare “Glory” in the waves on the shore.
She holds no complaint for the life that she’d known.
Souls came to know to Jesus in the love that was shown.
He’ll hug her so tight, His bride she shall be.
Our brown eyed girl, so “special” is she.

(this was sent to me by a dear friend of mine...thank you jackie, it encouraged my heart!)

cottage visit pictures

finally.

today brooke came over for a little while. she smiled the whole time she was w/us...my parents are here so they got to enjoy her...and they took tons of pictures (which i will have tomorrow). taking her back to the home she stays....she kicked the gravel and yelled out some words i could not make out. it appeared she did not want to return. tonight i hurt for her...and wish she could have stayed longer/spent the night. soon and very soon. but finally we got to touch her and hold her and she reached out and grabbed my hand and held it...not long, but oh how precious it was. grateful!

still

i still want to hold your hand. I miss your face and want to see you so bad! hopefully everyone will start feeling better soon so we can see you and you can come over and play.

Jesus has got you, baby.

a touch

i wanta hold your hand!

btw, if you notice, i have 2 orange rubber bracelet's on my wrist. those were given to me by my youngest, ethan. He told me 1 was for me and the other one was for Brooke. He said, "since brooke doesn't wear it, you can for her". oh man....compassionate heart.

i miss your hands brooke!

bummed

we did not get brooke for a sleepover. most of the campus she is at has had a "bug", so we decided another day would be better. got the news yesterday and it just killed the inside of me. she has not had an overnight visit since the end of September.

i miss you brooke, and you are just 4 miles away. i'll be coming to see you very soon!

nothing more to say.

sleepover!

it's time....we've waited 90 days plus...for a sleep over w/brooke and it's finally here! tomorrow night we will get her for dinner and she'll go back after supper on saturday! we are all excited to see her. she'll be painting, watching dora, eating chik-fi-la, handing out w/her brothers, and of course my favorite....i get to share the bed w/her! i'm so excited...it's going to be good!!! there will be many pictures to follow!!!

alone w/God...

I read this this morning...

When He was alone...the twelve asked Him about the parable. Mark 4.10

"When God gets us alone through suffering, heartbreak, temptation, disappointment, sickness, or by thwarted desires, a broken friendship, or a new friendship--when He gets us absolutely alone, and we are totally speechless, unable to ask even one question, then He begins to teach us." (chambers)

I'm here.

break

well, thursday we have our first break at the Children's Home. that means we go off for a few days (4), and have some R&R. I haven't been able to do much on the blog because i don't have access to my other computer w/all the photos on them. However, i hope to give a full update this weekend.

Brooke did come to the cottage this past weekend and had dinner w/us. it was so good for her to be in our world....instead of us being in hers. she did really well. she mostly hung out w/josiah and ethan in their room...and enjoyed homemade pizza (molly style)....with some ice-cream.

This weekend i hope to have her over and maybe spend the night, i hope to have her paint some pictures...and just enjoy being together!

Praise

give thanks to Him and Praise His name! ps. 100.4

He is in full control and i'm grateful for it! Thanks be to Him...

missing brooke

i've been able to see brooke so much since we have been here. tonight i went over...she was finishing up her meal. she's gaining weight and gaining improvements. the girls at the cottage want to meet her, so i hope to bring her over at some point when there is a down time. even though she is just miles down the road, i want her here w/me. i guess that won't come for a long while now and that hurts. i'm missing her tonight. Jesus has got you baby.

a new year!

Happy New Year!

we are all moved in and getting things adjusted; however, i do not have computer access right now, so i cannot update brooke's blog for a bit. She is doing well. We have been able to see her everyday and it's been nice to drive down the road to give her a hug. i'll have lots of pictures/info to share when we get hooked up to the computer.

God's Blessings to you and yours this year!

our move.

we are now near brooke...just a few miles down the road! grateful. we will spend Christmas w/her tomorrow....it didn't work out today.

i wanted to express to our "wooley" folks just how much i appreciate them. their kindness to brooke and our family is too deep in words to express. thank you so much for the investment! i'm know it does not go un-noticed, even now!
you are loved and have a special place in my heart.

inspired

when i look up "inspire" in the dictionary, i see words like: influence, impel, motivate, affect. My 11-year old daughter has inspired me me in numerous ways. she has a mind of a 18 month old, the voice of a babbling baby, and the heart of a princess, compelling me to dream further than i would have ever imagined.
i did not think i could ever relate to a child w/special needs. however, she has forced me out of my comfort zone to reach out to those who see with a different perspective. brooke has encouraged me to believe that God is able and the she is capable. brooke has influenced me to love unconditionally without regrets. with enthusiasm and laughter she gives awkward kisses and hugs for no reason at all. looking in her eyes i am driven to keep searching for answers about her until i know the reason behind her smiles. brooke has inspired me to dive into hope. because of therapy, brooke gains new words on a somewhat regular basis, making what before seemed out of reach : reachable. a new word such as "book" may be easy for a 20-month old, but when brooke says it, it is amazing! with this new perspective she has given me, simple words have become something i celebrate. brooke has taught me to appreciate the baby steps no matter how small or trivial they may seem.
daily i'm exposed to an unknown world, a new idea, and a challenging adventure. brooke gives me a vision that cannot be described with words. because of that, i am motivated by faith, hope, and, more importantly, love...to continue pressing forward in an experience others may call hopeless. she has taught me it really is the simple things after all.

swaddled

My close friend Robin wrote something to me the other day i just have to share (w/her permission):

"Every Christmas my faith is inspired and my heart revived by some aspect of the coming of Christ. I ask each year for God to let me enter the scence in a new way. This year I have pondered the swaddling of His tiny body.

When my children were born my sister in law who is a doctor taught me the art of swaddling. To swaddle a baby, as most moms know, you take great care to tuck the blanket perfectly around the tiny arms and legs recreating the security of the womb. The arms and legs can no longer flail about in the new found freedom created by birth.

I wonder how the coldness of this world felt to Christ as he entered the manger scene. I wonder how the blankets felt around His little arms and legs. Called away from the constant swaddling of heaven to be wrapped in the grasp of those who would provide Him "less than" love for 30 years. How long did it take Jesus, the person, to recognize the difference in the unhindered love of the heavenly realm and the hindered love of this world? to experience the inadequacies of a mom's embrace compared to that of Abba?

I am so thankful that in the midst of a world of "less than" that God is faithful to swaddle us and remind us of "more than". I pray that this year we allow Him to swaddle us, in times of insecurity, celebration, anger, misunderstanding or any other challenge of living away from Home. To think about Jesus swaddled in the manger reminds me of why God came as a baby... to remind us that He desires to wrap us in His love and provide all that we need."

wow! powerful words i thought. there were many things i thought of when i read this...but to keep this about Brooke, i thought of the Lord swaddling her...and it just brought much comfort! There is NOTHING like being touched by God; futhermore, swaddled.

Just a word

I hope you all have a Merry Christmas....

"isn't it amazing the way He came....no crown, no thrown, no big parade", just a manager...in an old town. O come let us adore Him.

you have NO idea...

I'm a bit lonely and it seems selfish to even say that when Brooke will be spending Christmas without us. Lonely?! I don't know what she thinks...maybe sometimes i do not want to know. However, i'd love to know what she thinks about a Christmas tree, baby Jesus, Christmas lights and wrapped presents everywhere, Chrismas songs and different types of food only to be shared this season. I wonder.

This is a "tender" time for me and in a lot of ways. recently it hit me...I've always thought Brooke needs me....and yes, she does...but i think the thing i've thought mostly about is just how much i am in need of her. I want her for Christmas...nothing else.

I cannot wait to be near you sweetie! I'm so thankful that "Jesus has got you".

hushed

i love this picutre! Psalms 107 has held such deep meaning to me in the past few weeks, and seeing this picture the other day I had to share. i could go in more detail...but for this one, i'm just going to leave alone. For the scripture itself expresses exactly where i am. Trusting God in the midst of the storm is allowing me to experience for tough lessons. My storm is by far over, yet, w/the promise of this verse I'm hanging on!

(thanks danielle-you have NO idea)

update:

needing to be quiet for awhile. we are busy packing, seeing family and friends...and just needing some alone time with the Lord to process all what is going on in my world. I'll share updates when i get some breathing room.

Jeremiah 29.11