new supplements

brooke is on some new supplements that we hope will help her gut. this process will take some time but we should see something w/in a couple of weeks. the past few days have been up and down w/her....school reported yesterday she did very bad all day....but today was better. at home today she was good....seemed like she was in a good mood, content, happy.....

we are getting ready for company and get some answers hopefully working w/her behavior plan/education plan.

continue praying that the bad things in her gut will be removed quickly and painlessly.

who's been sleeping in my bed?

brooke came running full blast in our room last night jumped in the bed w/me and just laid there. did she have a bad dream...did something alarm her...i don't know. it was 2:06 in the morning. i have to say-she's only done that just one other time, but it's the best feeling in the world. she just lays there next to ya....like it's normal for her. no hitting, screaming...just peace.

i'm reminded when my world spins so fast i can't control it....i have a thought that lingers and horrifies me....and then i run full blast in the throne room of God, sit up in lap....because it's normal....because I'm His and He is mine. Peace. Brooke you show me many things that i tend to take for granted.

bewildered

this passage bewilders me....

EX 21:2 "If you buy a Hebrew servant, he is to serve you for six years. But in the seventh year, he shall go free, without paying anything. 3 If he comes alone, he is to go free alone; but if he has a wife when he comes, she is to go with him. 4 If his master gives him a wife and she bears him sons or daughters, the woman and her children shall belong to her master, and only the man shall go free.
EX 21:5 "But if the servant declares, `I love my master and my wife and children and do not want to go free,' 6 then his master must take him before the judges. He shall take him to the door or the doorpost and pierce his ear with an awl. Then he will be his servant for life.

Lord, take the awl and peirce my ear. I'm your slave and you are my master. I want it no other way.

paintings by brooke

butterflies and brooke
under the sea
easy for the camel
winter
freedom

thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

we are leaving for Memphis to visit our family.

Give thanks to the Lord...for HE IS GOOD!

on my mind

trust. this is what is heavy on my mind tonight as i lay down to sleep.

lean NOT in your own understanding....sometimes i wonder that we haven't fully grasped that verse....and still lean on our own understanding....making trust harder than it really is.

little things?

we had a great time away...

brooke has been so loving lately. i'll be sitting on the couch and she get up and pull me to "her" couch. i'll lay down beside her.... 5, 10, 15 minutes until she starts pushing me off...ha/ hey, i'll take just one minute.

I long for the presense of God. wishing i could sit in His lap for just one minute w/His arms around me. It's the little things in life, is it not? a short time away, laying down w/brooke, and just a minute in the arms of Jesus. however...even though they tend to be the little things in life, they turn out bigger than we ever imagined. (Jerem. 33.3)

doctor's call

i cannot express in words the 1hour phone call we just had w/the doctor....but she did put some things in writing so that i could explain. this is what she said:

"Sounds like Brooke is experiencing some negative effects of chelation.
Sometimes the negative effects are due to too rapid of a detox and sometimes the
negative effects are due to the drug itself. Usually a detox reaction occurs
early on in the process. Since we are 7 months into it, I suspect
some type of gut inflammatory process (virus, yeast, bacteria, or parasites) or
the chelator is no longer chelating toxic metals, but is binding up good
minerals instead."

The phone call we just had w/the nurse was suggested that she is having some gut related issues and until those are resolved the chelation will not be as benefical in the long run. so...we are going to begin to clean brooke's gut out thru different types of supplements/medication. we hope this will ease her pain and the nerveous energy she is having.

Heal her gut Abba Father....and give her relief.

busy

we are busy, busy, busy!

we find out what's going on w/brooke come friday. friday also bill and i are taking some needed time away---just for the night. are therapist will be taking care of brooke and the boys are staying w/my mom and dad.
i'll let you know about friday- be in prayer as we decide what is best for brooke.

still

my thoughts still are towards remembering. So i remain still and quiet...in remembrance.

remember

"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this i call to mind and therefore I have hope: because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness I say to myself. The Lord is my portion; therefore i will wait for Him. The Lord is good to those hope is in Him to the one who seeks Him. It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord." Lamentations 3:19-26

it's good to remember. remember where, how, when God brought you-took you-saved you-carried you-delivered you. I remember the flood, i remember the miracles of the Bible, I remember Jesus in a manger, I remember Jesus coming from a tomb....and i remember Him saving me. I remember how far He has brought me. I remember how He changed me on that April night. I remember the forgiveness i gave, the pain i endured, the Jesus who brought me thru and gave me truth and and a new name. I remember. And today....i still remember. I remember when the doctor told me brooke was autistic....but i remember that God showed me His soverienty, I remember the way i treated brooke several years ago and i remember how God changed my heart to love brooke w/ the full extent of His love. (john 13.1) It's good for me to remember b/c it shows me how are great God works and is working....therefore i will wait on Him. He is not foreign to my situations or problems....He is not a God that is afar off.....but He is my portion and my Hope remains not in this world or what it has to offer...but Jesus Christ....b/c what He has to offer me is eternal and life. remember.

test results are back....screaming still remains...chelation is held off for now until we know the results of test

listening

my thoughts this morning are full of questions w/o answers...this morning i'm forced to go to God and stay in His presense until He speaks, whispers, writes it in the clouds, or even speaks thru His people. I'm torn...between thoughts that allure me. Be my vision Lord...speak for your child is listening...answer us...and show us Your perfect plan....that i understand may not be so perfect in our eyes.

trust...

why is trusting so hard. we make it harder than it really is i believe. an old sunday school teacher of mine always said we need to have the "open hand policy"....hands open....never clutched. meaning....God, whatever comes my way-it's yours....whatever happens...open hands...
there are choices to be made in the next few days w/us....and trusting God is our aim. My hands are open...I want His best, for His glory. Jeremiah 29.11

weekend/prayer

brooke had a good weekend especially saturday. she interacted alot w/us and molly and echoed alot of new words.
this week she will be out of school on tuesday and friday....along w/the boys....pray for an extra measure of strength to get thru the day...doing stuff she enjoys besides sitting in front of the tv.

the butterfly

"the butterfly counts not months but moments..." Iagore

i love this quote...i tend to look ahead at the things to come....in doing so i get disappointed, discouraged, and the list goes on...however.....God encourages us to just see the moment He has given us....and in doing so He has the months, years, days ahead in His hands. Can we not trust the our Savior w/that? Oh, how i long to rest there....in the moment.

thursday

___________________________________________________

we've finished all the test to see where brooke is at in the chelation process. it was a tough morning....brooke's screaming/hitting has gotten worse. it's stressful at times.

this afternoon she worked at the table w/laura and she did really well. she worked probably about 30 minutes...being very compliant. so...it's been a rollarcoaster ride today of emotions.

continue to pray w/us as we struggle whether or not to continue in the chelation process....this next test will show us alot. Show us your will Oh God....

___________________________________________________

broken pieces

broken pieces is and has been a recent ministry of mine for brooke. I don't know how exactly i got started in this, but it has turned out to be a learning experience in a spiritual way. I wanted to express to you the meaning behind the mosiacs...why i use broken pieces...and how i put it all together. alot of you know i do this, but don't know the story behind it all.

First, God taught me that it's the broken pieces He uses (the pain, the struggles, the building of character and etc...). He puts them together to make a beautiful and unique piece of art (us). The art is not done then...it takes time to heal...to dry if you will...then He begins to pour in His word (the grout that fills in between the pieces). w/o the grout the pieces would fall off and be useless. The foundation of God's word keeps the art together and complete. Then the end result is He pushes us into the world and His light shines thru us so that He Himself is Glorified.

There is more that i have learned...more that i have discovered...but all in all, God is using my art ability to help provide for Brooke's bi0-medical needs.
I'm honored to do this for her to help her and it gives me a way to escape and use it as "therapy time." If you are interested in getting a piece just contact me and i'll be happy to express thru art the broken pieces of my life to yours.